Kim Davis, Carter County Correctional Center

A WONDERFUL NEW TRANSGENDER SCHOOLBOOK FOR KIDS
Children’s publisher Scholastic has dumped a whopping 10,000 copies of the pro-transsexual kiddies’ book George on grade-school teachers and librarians across this formerly great nation. In the book, which is targeted at children from grades three to seven, 10-year-old “George” expresses his desire to be called “Melissa,” because that’s who he really is. The book was originally called Girl George until the publisher decided that would be pushing it.

1,000 NIPPLES FLAPPING FREELY IN THE WIND
If you look around you on any busy city street in America, you’ll see men arrogantly flaunting their hairy nipples as a way to simultaneously humiliate, infuriate, sexually objectify, and slut-shame women, who are forced by our patriarchal society to let their nipples hover quietly under several layers of clothing, which naturally deprives their breasts of much-needed Vitamin D.

That’s why the Free the Nipple campaign was created”€”to allow women to run around with topless abandon, their pert nipples laughing gaily at their former oppression, as if any guys”€”especially the “sexist” ones”€”are going to have a problem with that.

On Saturday in Louisville, KY, a crowd that promoters expected to total at least five hundred individuals took off their oppressive shirts and blouses and marched defiantly through the streets of this historic burg, their nipples taunting and teasing and tantalizing the patriarchy that would deny their right to exist.

The nipple-positive march and rally were allegedly done in order to foster “empowerment,” a word whose usage would undeniably plummet if everyone who uttered it were to be immediately shot.

POLL: RACE RELATIONS ARE WORSE UNDER OBAMA
A new Rasmussen Reports national phone survey finds that only one in five likely US voters says that President Barack Hussein “Slappy” Obama has improved race relations in these here United States. Blacks, of course, think he’s done a better job of bridging the racial divide than whites do. Only one in six whites surveyed said that Obama has brought us all closer together. They should be ashamed of themselves.

STUDY: IMMIGRANTS USE A LOT MORE WELFARE THAN NATIVES
Presidential candidate Donald Trump is a fascist and a hater and a bigot and a racist and an asshole for alleging that the flood of illegal immigration from Mexico into America is anything else than the best thing since sliced bread. A new survey from the conservative-leaning Center For Immigration Studies has revealed that “immigrant” households in America only used food stamps and Medicaid about twice as often as native-born American households. As we all know very well, only a xenophobe with sexual-inadequacy issues would object to working hard and paying taxes in order to pay for the food and medical care of undereducated and potentially ineducable layabouts who probably hate them anyway.