November 13, 2016
STUDENTS
Across this once-great nation, college students pooped their state-supplied diapers at Trump’s election. The University of Michigan gave students Play-Doh and coloring books to soothe their nerves. Cornell University held a “cry-in” wherein officials gave students hot chocolate and tissues. The University of Kansas offered therapy dogs to help students traumatized by the fact that their smug sense of being on the right side of history was permanently shattered.
The Brown Daily Herald quotes a severely triggered student:
Trump is an idiot; he’s repulsive; he screwed the government. If you”re not a white male then everything should scare you.
No, what should scare you is diving 100K into debt with a useless degree in Gender Studies.
FEMINISTS
Against all expectations, 53% of white women voted for Trump, leading estrogen-addled white feminists to explode in vaginal fury. According to some pampered white “transgendered” dude who thinks he’s a chick at Huffington Post, “A Vote For Trump Was A Hate Crime.”
Actress Lea DeLaria of Orange is the New Black”undeniably one of the most physically repulsive living creatures that God ever saw fit to set loose upon this earth”wrote on Instagram about how she wanted to pick “up a baseball bat and take out every fucking republican and independent I see.” This gender-indeterminate albino tree frog added the hashtag “#fuckstraightwhiteamerica” at the end of her post.
Alleged comedienne Samantha Bee spat on her TV show that “it’s pretty clear who ruined America: white people….The Caucasian nation showed up in droves to vote for Trump.” (Actually, a smaller percentage of whites”and a surprisingly higher quotient of blacks and Hispanics”voted for Trump than for Mitt Romney in 2012, but let’s not ruin her ethnomasochistic fantasies, shall we?)
Writing for Slate, another generic pampered white liberal bitch wrote that “white women sold out the sisterhood” by voting for Trump and that the “biggest and saddest reason white women chose Trump over Clinton is simple: racism.”
Finally, sister-molesting Talmudic she-pig Lena Dunham wrote that as the election results came in, “I could feel my chin breaking into hives”:
It’s painful to know that white women, so unable to see the unity of female identity, so unable to look past their violent privilege, and so inoculated with hate for themselves, showed up to the polls for him, too.
Here’s to four more years of hives on Lena Dunham’s chin!
