Gerry Adams

SHARIA COMES TO BRUNEI
The tiny wealthy nation of Brunei, nestled on the giant wild island of Borneo, began implementing sharia law on Thursday. For now, fines and jail time will be doled out to those who become pregnant out of wedlock or endorse religions other than Islam. In a year, thieves and those who drink alcohol will be subject to amputation and whipping. When the law is fully implemented, adulterers, rapists, homosexuals, and anyone who insults Islam will be subject to the death penalty, which can potentially be administered by stoning. “Brunei’s top Islamic scholar” Awang Abdul Aziz emphasizes that punishments will not constitute “indiscriminate cutting or stoning or caning” and that those who wind up with missing fingers, welts on their back, or stoned to death will be served their penalties in a manner that is “just and fair.” Predictably, MSNBC and much of the Western media focused on penalties for gays while mostly ignoring the plight of adulterers and blasphemers.

Globally, Muslims are being violently attacked in Myanmar, India, and Sri Lanka. Domestically, an 18-year-old student in New Jersey has been charged with filing a false police report after allegedly concocting a “fabricated” story that three white men assaulted him and called him an “Islamic terrorist.”

KLAN HOODS FOR CHEESEHEADS
Democratic Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate Brett Hulsey”€”who in 2012 pleaded no contest to a disorderly conduct charge involving an incident with a nine-year-old boy whom he insists he didn’t “molest””€”made a splash by threatening to hand out Klan hoods to state Republicans. He later backed off the threat but claims that Republicans “need to own up to their racism.” Democrats need to own up to the fact that their party, not the Republicans, was historically the party of the KKK. Wisconsin liberals, like most sheltered whites on a blind, quixotic crusade for nebulously defined “racial justice,” also need to own up to the fact that their state is only 6.3% black”€”less than half the national average. If you”€™re so fond of blacks, surely you can withstand a few more million of them. Please get a fleet of buses ready to save them from the dozen or so Klan members that still exist in Dixie. Oh, wait”€”57% of America’s blacks live in Dixie and more are moving there all the time. What are they”€”masochists?

THE DOWNSIDE OF HAPPY PILLS
A recent study from the Harvard School of Public Health suggests that people under 24 who are prescribed high doses of SSRI pills double their risk of suicidal ideation or behavior.

Other recent studies suggest that use of antidepressants is linked to preterm birth, binocular vision disorder, and autism in male infants.

In 2013, an estimated 53 million prescriptions for antidepressants were issued in England. That is roughly the total number of people in England.

THE PREGNANT LESBIAN POLYGAMISTS OF MASSACHUSETTS
In late April, the New York Post printed an article about a lesbian threesome in Massachusetts”€”Doll, Kitten, and Brynn Young”€”who claim they are married and that Kitten is currently with child, which presumably necessitated a sperm donation from a male that was not sexually desirable to any of them. “I had a very traditional upbringing,” explains Kitten, “and marriage had always been an important symbol of commitment for me.” The trio are being called a “throuple””€”three people joined together romantically in the manner of a couple”€”who are potentially paving the way for legalized gay polygamy and possibly state-endorsed sexual unions between humanoids and space aliens. Without a speck of evidence, the Soros-funded brainwashing machine known as Think Progress insists that homosexuality is “an immutable characteristic of one’s identity,” while polygamy is merely a “practice.”

NEANDERTHALS: DEATH THROUGH MISCEGENATION
A new study titled “Neandertal Demise: An Archaeological Analysis of the Modern Human Superiority Complex” argues that contrary to prevailing notions, Neanderthals did not suffer extinction due to cognitive and technological inferiority, but because of inbreeding with “€œmodern humans”€ who”€™d entered Europe from Africa. The oft-maligned Neanderthals may thus be the first population on Earth who suffered soft genocide due to the loudly trumpeted glories of multiculturalism.