March 13, 2016
Source: Bigstock
POOPING ON HITLER, CONT.
Hot on the heels over recent accusations that the dashing and debonair master orator Adolf Hitler”you may have heard of him”suffered from a “tiny deformed penis” comes the insinuation that the ex-soldier, accomplished artist, and dog lover was a coprophiliac who likely allowed his niece to make doo-doos on him before he had her murdered to cover up his humiliating fetish.
Expect the same charges to be lodged against Donald Trump any day now. His antagonists have already gone the micropenis route, so an inevitable poo smear can’t be far behind.
NEW YORK STATE SEEKS TO BAN “ANTI-SEMITIC” TEXTBOOKS
A bill proposed by New York State Assemblyman Dov Hikind seeks to purge the slightest whiff of anti-Semitism”whatever that is”from the state’s school textbooks. The bill would also forbid pro-Islamic sentiments from the state’s Common Core curriculum. According to Hikind:
Unfortunately, circumstances have proven the need to address anti-Semitism and the ongoing bias toward people of different race, religion, and ethnicity within our state public-school systems.
So nice of you to care, Mr. Hikind”tikkun olam and all that. You’re a real mensch. So when will the state address American education’s rabid anti-white bias?
COMMIE CHINKS BAN HOMOS ON TV
The Chinese Communist Party’s crack team of censors are preparing a ruling that will ban “witchcraft, feudalism, supernatural beliefs and reincarnation” from state-sponsored TV broadcasts. It will also ban depictions of drinking, fighting, smoking, and flashy clothing. It further seeks to forbid any scripts that feature plotlines suggesting that extramarital affairs ever occur. And finally”the stipulation that has the world’s sissies freaking out”it seeks to censor every last hint of “abnormal sexual relationships or behavior,” which we presume includes homosexual fellatio, man-on-man turd-burgling, reacharounds, felching, cum-gargling, daisy-chain prostate-milking, holistic anal candling, and bug-chasing.
DENTIST ACCUSED OF MUTILATING PATIENTS BLAMES IT ON BEING “TRANSGENDER”
A Dutch dentist is facing trial in France for allegedly mutilating an estimated 75 patients over a four-year period, rendering many of them gushing blood, severely infected, and permanently deformed. Alleged “Horror Dentist” Jacobus Van Nierop”an apparent drama queen who has gone on jailhouse hunger strikes and once allegedly swallowed razor blades prior to a judicial hearing”is blaming his actions on being “transgender,” which in the current climate may be his ticket to a full acquittal and perhaps even a reality TV series.
THE GREAT AMERICAN SLUR COMPETITION
A survey of “Derogatory And Prejudiced Language” on Twitter has reached the following problematic, unacceptable, and hilarious conclusions:
“¢ Louisiana wins the prize for the highest overall rate of insensitive slurs, followed by Nevada and Texas. Wyoming and Montana”both of which are exceptionally white states”showed the lowest per-capita usage of insensitive name-calling.
“¢ West Virginia captures the crown for the highest rate of anti-black slurs; the lowest rates were in Idaho and Maine. This is notable since all three states are much whiter than the national average. Cities with the highest rates of anti-black slurs are Baltimore, Atlanta, and New Orleans”all of which have quotients of black residents far above the national average.
“¢ California, Texas, Arizona, and Nevada boasted the highest rates of anti-Hispanic rhetoric. Not coincidentally, these states also boast some of the nation’s highest percentages of burrito-slingers.
“¢ Louisiana also comes first in anti-female slurs (“bitch,” “twat,” and “cunt”). It also leads the nation in verbal slights against fat people, preferring such horrifying slurs as “fatso,” “fatty,” and “Mr. Fatty Pants” to the more acceptable and inclusive “people of size.”
