Angela Merkel

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The Week’s Most Frumpy, Grumpy, and Trumpy Headlines

TIME MAGAZINE’S MERKEL CIRCLE JERK
TIME magazine has selected German Chancellor and part-time nude model Angela Merkel as its “Person of the Year,” because to call her “Man of the Year” would be sexist, even though she looks like a man.

Merkel edged out, in order, ISIS leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, macho nativist billionaire Donald Trump, the idiots at Black Lives Matter, and Bruce Jenner, who has now found a second career by pretending to be a woman.

The magazine’s glowing profile of the dumpy, toadstool-like alleged woman with the Moe Howard haircut focused on how she grew up in Eastern Germany during communism and was traumatized by the sight of the Berlin Wall and how she is now actively agitating to build a world without walls, which eventually will mean a world without whites, although they didn’t explicitly say that.

TIME also noted that Germany is still mostly seen as the country that gave birth to Nazism but that it is also the most aggressively penitent country in world history and is constantly apologizing for its past, and this is all good stuff because there’s nothing worse than taking pride in your heritage and wanting to sustain it. So because she’s opened her legs spread-eagle to at least a million Middle Eastern “migrants” by the end of this year, TIME has designated her a hero rather than a traitor.

TIME, your time is up.

BLACK MAN GETS TRIGGERED BY WHITE JESUS PAINTINGS, FILES LAWSUIT
Manhattanite Justin Renel Joseph“€”who describes himself as having “black hair like wool and skin of bronze color” just like Jesus”€”is suing the Met because it featured paintings depicting Jesus as a fair-skinned, light-haired man.

Acting as his own attorney, Joseph filed suit in Manhattan Supreme Court, claiming that he endured “personal stress” at seeing paintings by Ricci, Perugino, Tintoretto, and Granacci that depict Jesus Christ as looking distinctly different than Stepin Fetchit and Mantan Moreland. According to the lawsuit:

The implication that someone who possesses physical features like the plaintiff could not be the important historical and public figure of Jesus Christ…caused the plaintiff to feel, among other things, rejected and unaccepted by society.

The court papers apparently did not for a moment consider that perhaps Mr. Joseph might possibly feel rejected and unaccepted because he may be a paranoid, whiny pain in the ass.

LEFTISTS’ EXOTIC PETS CONTINUE TO BITE THEIR MASTERS
At college campuses and City Halls nationwide, earnest progressives continue to scratch their heads at the fact that the “oppressed” groups they’ve championed for lo, these many years consider them to be white, privileged, and worthy of destruction.

Yale professors Nicholas and Erika Christakis have abandoned teaching their courses after an insane fabricated controversy before Halloween when an email from Erika was publicized that suggested people should perhaps quit freaking the frick out over “offensive” costumes:

Is there no room any more [sic] for a child or young person to be a little bit obnoxious, a little bit inappropriate or provocative or, yes, offensive? 

Apparently not, as her husband was infamously screamed down on video by an unhinged black female who suffered the indignity of attending Yale University rather than, you know, swatting away tsetse flies in her ancestral homeland.

At Brown University, President Christina Paxson recently issued a 20-page proposal promising to allocate more than $100 million toward such intangible and non-academic causes such as confronting “the issues of racism, power, privilege, inequity and injustice.” But to her consternation and dismay, this earned her no love among the brain-damaged barking pigs of forced-equality-through-collective-tantrum. They organized a protest called the “Day of Reclamation” and made it clear that white students were not welcome to reclaim anything along with them.

An anonymous Brown professor”€”yes, the climate is such that one must hide behind a veil merely to offer a sober, unemotional opinion”€”offered the following statements to the Daily Beast:

I think there’s a looking around to find injustices whether or not they exist. That’s what feels like McCarthyism. You”€™re looking for communists, whether or not they”€™re there. You”€™re determined to find some. That’s what McCarthy was doing. It does feel like people are looking for things whether or not they”€™re there. If we”€™re going to have a serious conversation about diversity, it should include intellectual diversity, ideological diversity…. Absent diversity, an inclusive campus may become a homogenous intellectual echo chamber.

Silly professor. Everyone should know by now that the popular notion of “tolerance” only goes skin deep.

And in Chicago, tiny-fingered part-time Jewish ballerina Mayor Rahm Emanuel found that holding a weepy press conference denouncing alleged racial profiling among Chicago police gained him absolutely no traction with the Black Lives Matter fanatics, who called for him to resign and quit being such an out-of-touch non-black man.

THE VATICAN: CATHOLICS SHOULDN”€™T TRY TO CONVERT JEWS
In a further capitulation to a group that Roman Catholics were officially encouraged to call “perfidious” as recently as the early 1960s, the Vatican has now issued a document claiming that Catholics should not try to convert Jews to the One True Faith, even though their own Bible claims that failure to accept Christ as one’s savior means an eternity of hellfire.

The document, titled “The Gifts and Calling of God Are Irrevocable,” states that the Holy Roman Church is

obliged to view evangelization to Jews, who believe in the one God, in a different manner from that to people of other religions and world views….[The] Catholic Church neither conducts nor supports any specific institutional mission work directed towards Jews….A Christian can never be an anti-Semite, especially because of the Jewish roots of Christianity.

Regarding that last sentence, Nietzsche said pretty much the same thing, only to be called an anti-Semite.