Donald Sterling

ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE BELL CURVE TOLLS
Author, lecturer, scholar, and cultural pariah Charles Murray had been scheduled to speak last Wednesday at Azusa Pacific University, only to have his appearance “postponed” 48 hours before the event. Murray says he received an email from the school’s president Jon Wallace that stated:

Given the lateness of the semester and the full record of Dr. Murray’s scholarship, I realized we needed more time to prepare for a visit and postponed Wednesday’s conversation.

Murray says the speech had been scheduled for “months.” He claims that a faculty member told him the school’s president and others feared that Murray’s presence would wind up “hurting our faculty and students of color.” On Facebook, APU English teacher Scott Okamoto kept things scholarly by referring to Murray as “a dick.”

RAPPER: “I’M NOT A HITLER HATER”
Foul-mouthed Bay Area rapper Too Short, born Todd Shaw, was recently asked whether he felt “bittersweet” about the fact that April 20“€”which is basically the Christmas of “cannabis culture””€”is also Adolf Hitler’s birthday. In answer to the question, the grandiloquent Master of Ceremonies opined:

Uh, I’m not necessarily a Hitler hater, I mean, I know what went down, but as in time and era and you know, where we at now, I think Hitler got his, he is where he’s supposed to be and, you know, what happened was supposed to happen, and the Germans didn’t take over the world and wipe out all the Jews and the blacks and everybody else, so, it’s cool.

Too Short also said it would be nice if Hitler had been a cannabis user. His Jewish manager David Weintraub came to the rapper’s defense, saying that, you know, obviously he tolerates Jewish managers, so don’t blow his comments out of proportion and go wrecking two careers or anything.

After centuries of leaving their humble village’s name unchanged, all fifty-six residents of the Spanish town of Castrillo Matajudios“€”the second word there means “Kill Jews””€”will vote on May 25 on whether they should change the second word back to how it was in the town’s original name”€”“Motajudios,” AKA “Jewish Hill.”

GAY KALE & POISONED COLLARD GREENS
Celebrity strumpet and lifelong fag hag Madonna is the latest victim of leftist self-cannibalism, as many of her fans became “outraged” and “angry” after she described the leafy green vegetable kale as “gay,” leading to an “uproar.” She also called Vladimir Putin “gay,” which didn’t lead to nearly as much outrage, possibly because gay people are more protective of leafy green vegetables than they are of macho foreign statesmen.

Seventeen-year-old Tyt’ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson of Fayetteville, NC, is facing two counts of attempted murder after allegedly dumping insecticide and termiticide into a pot of collard greens her grandmother was cooking. According to her grandmother, Gaylon Moody, Johnson became enraged after having her cellphone privileges revoked. She allegedly poured the bug-slaying poisons into the boiling pot of greens while Ms. Moody was at church attending Easter services.

WIDE HIPS AND BIG STICKS
A study in the April issue of Archives of Human Sexual Behavior suggests that women with wider hips are likely to have more one-night stands than thin-hipped women. And a new study of Kenyan fishermen and their wives arrives at the surprising conclusion that the larger a spouse’s penis, the more likely it is that his wife will cheat on him. Oral testimony from some of the wives revealed that many of them found large penises too painful and uncomfortable. The study also required both the husbands and their wives to measure the husband’s member. It found that the husbands consistently reported larger measurements than did the wives.