Donald Sterling

The Week’s Most Steroidal, Negroidal, and Hemorrhoidal Headlines

WHITE MEN, WRONG WORDS
Two elderly white men got in trouble last week for making the sort of comments that people who hate elderly white men expect them to make. This led to outrage (and possibly a sense of relieved vindication) among anti-racist headhunters who sit around all day like bored firemen praying for a blaze to break out somewhere.

Sixty-seven-year-old Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy was filmed on April 19th making the following comments:

I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro….They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy?

Many mainstream conservative mouthpieces who’d supported Bundy up until those words spilled from his mouth immediately backtracked and made grand public displays of holding their noses. Sean Hannity called Bundy’s words “beyond repugnant,” and Glenn Beck deemed Bundy “unhinged from reality.”

Octogenarian LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling, born Donald Tokowitz, found himself the despised white sheep of the NBA after audiotaped comments were revealed to have been part of an alleged telephone argument with his black/Mexican girlfriend. Sterling was apparently incensed that his girlfriend had posted a photo of herself on Instagram with longtime AIDS incubator Magic Johnson:

It bothers me a lot that you want to broadcast that you’re associating with black people. Do you have to?…You can sleep with [black people]. You can bring them in, you can do whatever you want. The little I ask you is not to promote it on that…and not to bring them to my games….

The reaction was of the intellectual caliber you’d expect, perhaps best summarized in this pithy rejoinder by rapper Snoop Dogg, which definitely undermines Sterling’s insinuation that many blacks may be uncultured:

A message to the motherfucker that own [sic] the Clippers. You bitch-ass, redneck, whitebread, chickenshit motherfucker. Fuck you, your mama, and everything connected to you, you racist piece of shit. Fuck you.

A 2006 federal lawsuit against Sterling for housing discrimination quoted Sterling as saying that Hispanics “smoke, drink and just hang around the building” and “Black tenants smell and attract vermin.”

Sterling had been scheduled for a banquet next month held by the LA branch of the NAACP, which had been planning to bequeath unto him a Lifetime Achievement Award.

BURN, BABIES, BURN
British Columbia’s Health Ministry admitted in an email that it sends “biomedical waste””€”which potentially includes “cancerous tissue, amputated limbs, and fetal tissue””€”to a power plant in Oregon that burns the waste and converts it to electricity for local homes. A “former temporary worker” at the Covanta Marion facility in Brooks, OR, claims he often had to lift boxes of medical waste from delivery trucks and that “it would make you sick…there would be so much blood.” After the news story hit, county commissioners ordered an immediate halt to the practice. This news comes about a month after it was revealed that British hospitals had incinerated at least 15,000 aborted fetuses to help heat their facilities.

British publicity slut Josie Cunningham, a mother of two who, despite her face, seems to believe she has a future as a model, first gained notoriety last year after demanding that the National Health Service give her free breast implants because she’d been bullied all her life for being flat-chested. The NHS complied.

Armed with her new welfare boobs, Cunningham managed to get impregnated by either a paying client of hers or an unnamed soccer star”€”she isn’t sure which one”€”and recently caused a hubbub when she announced she planned to get an abortion if it would help her land a slot on reality show Big Brother:

I’m finally on the verge of becoming famous and I’m not going to ruin it now. An abortion will further my career. This time next year I won’t have a baby. Instead, I’ll be famous, driving a bright pink Range Rover and buying a big house. Nothing will get in my way….I want to be famous for being me”€”Josie Cunningham, a glamour model and celebrity in my own right.

Supposedly 18 or 19 weeks pregnant, Cunningham smoked during the interview and confessed that she’d also been drinking vodka while with child. At press time, it appears that the show Big Brother will not hire her, anyway, and that she remains pregnant. If true, we wish that unborn child all the luck it will obviously need.