O.J. Simpson

AFRO-PUFFS, JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESSES, AND THE LITTLE BEAUTY QUEEN WHO WASN’T HISPANIC ENOUGH
Schools across the nation are facing intense criticism not because they’re churning out illiterate graduates who can’t add 2+2 or perform basic logical functions but because some administrators are attempting to enforce dress codes that look askance at dreadlocks, Afros, and other hairstyles that might suggest the person wearing them just woke up from sleeping on a bed of leaves in the jungle. Oklahoma’s “predominantly black” Deborah Brown Community School recently apologized for and revoked their ban on such atavistic hairdos shortly after Horizon Science Academy in Ohio apologized for and rescinded their ban on “Afro-puffs and small twisted braids.”

Black Republican and former Florida Congressman Allen West has reportedly been dismissed (the official line is that he resigned) from Pajamas Media after allegedly calling a female coworker a “Jewish American Princess.”

Although the indictment doesn’t delve into specifics, 23-year-old Lakim Faust is being charged with four counts of attempted murder for a June incident outside a North Carolina Walmart where he shot and injured four people, all of whom were allegedly selected as targets because they were white.

Seven-year-old Jakiyah McKoy of Delaware has been stripped of her crown as Little Miss Hispanic Delaware because McKoy, who appears black to the naked eye, was unable to prove Hispanic ancestry.

O. J. SIMPSON: COOKIE THIEF?
The week in crime saw an escalation in an already violent rivalry between fans of baseball’s Los Angeles Dodgers and San Francisco Giants. On Wednesday night, Dodgers fan Jonathan Denver, 24, was stabbed to death during an altercation with Giants fans only a few blocks from San Francisco’s AT&T Park. Two years ago, Giants fan Bryan Stow was beaten into a coma and suffered permanent brain damage at the hands of LA fans outside Dodger Stadium. In 2003, a Giants fan was shot to death by a Dodgers fan during a drunken quarrel at Dodger Stadium. As far back as 1938, when both teams played in New York, a Dodgers fan shot and killed a Giants fan and a bartender after allegedly being taunted by Giants fans.

A Louisiana pastor was shot and killed Saturday night as he was preaching at a revival service in front of 60 or so congregants.

In Texas, Gabrell Marie Melton (38) and Eugene Brimzy III (21) have been arrested in connection with a string of violent purse-snatchings outside Walmart and Burlington Coat Factory outlets. Melton is Brimzy’s mother.

In a Nevada prison, pro football rushing legend O. J. Simpson was caught stealing at least a dozen oatmeal cookies by guards in what the National Enquirer describes as a “FORBIDDEN FOOD ORGY.” Simpson is a diabetic who’s ballooned up to around 300 pounds during his most recent stint in the pokey and had been warned by doctors to lay off the sweets.