October 20, 2014
EASTERN EUROPEAN SOCIAL-MEDIA VIXENS COMPETE IN “MISS HITLER” PAGEANT
More than a year after the second annual “Miss Holocaust Survivor” pageant comes another beauty contest of dubious taste. VK”the Russian equivalent of Facebook”has suspended a page dedicated to Adolf Hitler that was promoting a “Miss Ostland 2014″ contest to coronate the prettiest female Hitler fetishist hailing from formerly Nazi-occupied eastern territories during WWII. First prize was a rune necklace, and at press time the frontrunner was one Elena Bernatskaya, who had notched a total of 81 “likes” of her pictures.
THE GREAT ISRAELI EXPATRIATE PUDDING SCANDAL
A furor, brouhaha, and kerfuffle of biblical proportions has erupted in Israel over what is being dubbed the “Milky Revolution,” a reference to a highly popular pudding brand there that allegedly costs more than three times in Tel Aviv than it does in Berlin.
The reputed revolution’s leader, who until last week had been anonymously referred to as “Pudding Man,” is a 25-year-old mobile-app designer named Naor Narkis. After having been raised in Tel Aviv and spending a half-dozen years in the Israeli army, Narkis finally bolted from the Holy Land due to its soaring cost of living. He initially resettled in France but found it too anti-Semitic, whereupon he relocated to Berlin and is encouraging other young Israelis to do the same. Narkis says he received death threats after posting a receipt on Facebook proving how much cheaper the pudding brand cost in Germany. He claims that in modern Berlin, “you find the lowest level of anti-Semitism in Europe….Israel is too expensive for young people, and if that doesn”t change, it will lose a generation of us who will move away.” Although seemingly well-intentioned, Narkis may unfortunately be giving credence to a timeworn anti-Semitic stereotype”namely, that of Jews being cheap.
Naturally, he has his detractors back in Israel. “I pity the Israelis who no longer remember the Holocaust,” Israeli Agriculture Minister Yair Shamir lamented to The Jerusalem Post, “and abandoned Israel for a pudding.”
THE SINKING OF TIMOTHY BOATWRIGHT
Intersectionality”the hilarious specter of leftists cannibalizing one another in a vicious game of “Who Was More Oppressed?””has reached perhaps its highest point of comedy in the chubby body of one Timothy Boatwright, who was born a woman but now identifies as “masculine-of-center genderqueer.” As a student at all-female Wellesley College, Boatwright recently announced “his” new gender identity as well as “his” intent to run for office as the school’s multicultural affairs coordinator. “His” three potential opponents, all “women of color,” dropped out of the race and encouraged other students to join a “Campaign to Abstain” from the election so long as Boatwright was a candidate. “I thought he”d do a perfectly fine job,” said the student organizer of the protest campaign, “but it just felt inappropriate to have a white man there.”
