Naomi Campbell

Source: Shutterstock

PLEASE DON’T EAT THE FAGGOTS
Facebook banned a British man who claimed “I like faggots” but was referring to an English meatball dish rather than homosexuals. Either way, he didn’t say he hates faggots. “Facebook allows beheading videos, cruelty to animals, stabbing, and terrible swearwords,” claimed faggot-liker Robert Wilkes. “It’s political correctness gone mad.”

Hallmark is being accused of homophobia for changing the word “gay” to “fun” in the lyrics to “Deck the Halls” on a Christmas ornament. Thanks for ruining the fun yet again, ye gays.

In Toronto, tax dollars helped fund a “lesbian haunted house” which includes a “ball-busting room” and pictures of severed male genitalia.

In England, a man pled guilty “to using homophobic language” after calling a female officer a “lesbian.” Mind you, he didn’t call her a carpet-muncher, a clam-licker, a bean-gobbler, or a tuna-taster”€”merely a “lesbian,” which is apparently now a “homophobic” term once it passes through non-Sapphic lips.

THE ONGOING RACE DISGRACE
A children’s book called The Jacket, wherein a white child suspects a black child of stealing his jacket and is then forced to swallow his pride and confront his own racism and white privilege for daring to think that blacks could ever possibly be statistically overrepresented in crimes such as robbery, burglary, and theft, will be used by fourth-grade teachers nationwide as part of the Common Core national standards in English.

The Simon Wiesenthal Center is urging Twitter to clamp down on “hate speech,” which is apparently any speech that the Simon Wiesenthal Center hates.

An “Afrobeat” band scheduled to perform at Hampshire College in Massachusetts had their appearance canceled because critics deemed them “too white” and therefore guilty of “cultural appropriation.” It is reasonably certain that the protestors appropriated white inventions such as the computer and the English language to lodge their complaint.

Black supermodel Naomi Campbell, widely known as a serially violent diva who assaults her servants with the gusto of Simon Legree, is demanding blood from European “fashion houses” who are “guilty of this racist act” of not featuring enough nonwhite models to satisfy her demands.

A preposterously flawed international study that would never have seen the light of day in a world that wasn’t mad as a hatter with PC denial is suggesting that “racist” (try defining that word with even a wisp of scientific objectivity) white Americans are more likely to own guns. “There had already been research showing that…blacks are more likely to be shot, so we thought there must be something happening between the concept of being black and some whites wanting guns,” researcher Kerry O’Brien told reporters, unashamedly admitting he entered the project with confirmation bias. He neglected to consider that overwhelmingly, blacks are shot by other blacks.

Baptist minister Oleander Cuthrell“€”no need to state his ethnicity, the name says it all”€”was sentenced to two years in prison for setting fire to his rental home while trying to portray it as a hate crime.

STUDY: LEFTIES ARE SCHIZOID
It’s official: Lefties are overrepresented in the ranks of those with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder by a vibrant quotient of 400%. A study published in the recent issue of SAGE Open found that lefties were no more likely than normal people to be bipolar or afflicted with depression but were at a severe disadvantage when it came to being in touch with reality.

Oh, wait”€”the study referred to left-handers, not left-wingers. Never mind.