Source: Wikimedia Commons

FALSE RAPE CHARGES ‘ROUND THE GLOBE
Be not ye fooled—beneath the current wave of celebrity sexual assault allegations lies a much darker impulse. Right now we can hear the distant yelping, but in no time at all it will become quite clear that the current “sex panic” is a power move by the International Sisterhood to keep all men under constant terror of the stray false accusation that can render a man a moral leper for the rest of his living days.

On Tuesday a certain Emily Lindin—who helms some ridiculous organization called the “UnSlut Project,” which is apparently designed to discourage promiscuous female teens from killing themselves—tweeted out the following word-turds:

Here’s an unpopular opinion: I’m actually not at all concerned about innocent men losing their jobs over false sexual assault/harassment allegations.

First, false allegations VERY rarely happen, so even bringing it up borders on a derailment tactic. It’s a microscopic risk in comparison to the issue at hand (worldwide, systemic oppression of half the population).

You know how the saying goes: If you want to make an omelet, you have to bust a few balls.

In completely unrelated news, last week 21-year-old Arianda Hernandez-Lopez was arrested and charged with perverting the course of justice after her friend revealed to police that the man she’d accused of breaking into her apartment and raping her was actually a man who’d been living there and having consensual sex with her for “several” days.

In England, a 30-year-old woman from jolly ol’ Shrewsbury faces seven separate accounts of falsely accusing men of raping her in 2016 and 2017.

A 28-year-old Bangladeshi woman in Kuala Lumpur stands accused of lying in a police report where she’d claimed that eight men broke into her home around midnight on November 13, then kidnapped and raped her. It appears that nothing of the sort ever happened and may have even been wishful thinking.

And in the wonderfully bounteous country of Zimbabwe, a man who’d received a prison term of 20 years for rape is likely to be set free after his accuser suffered pangs of conscience two years into his sentence and confessed to police that he’d never raped her.

FEMINIST WOMEN + FEMINIST GOATS = FEMINIST CHEESE
As part of its reckless quest to permanently annihilate its own credibility, The New York Times treats us to a story whose headline features an unnecessary comma: “The Culture Is Changing, With Feminist Cheese.”

Naturally, they find a way to work rape into the story:

At a moment when assault and harassment revelations are creeping across male-dominated industries like so much unwanted mold, independent American cheese making stands as an obvious if undersung exemplar of the ultimate matriarchal workplace.

Gynocentric cheese-producers across the nation are now churning out cheese as it it were vaginal discharges, naming their special brands after feminist icons such as Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Amelia Earhart, reminding us that dairy production is the natural domain of women since you can’t “milk boys,” exulting in their all-female workplaces after learning the hard way that male workers are “not patient and kind and clean,” and declaring with a sort of Marxist historical inevitability that “The Future…of Cheese Is Female.”

Lord, please take us off this cheesy planet.