ROMNEY BOXES HOLYFIELD, EVERYONE LOSES
On Friday night, failed Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney stepped into a boxing ring to fight former heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield, best known as that guy whose ear got bitten off by Mike Tyson.

They were fighting for some charity that allegedly helps people with poor eyesight. And they reportedly raised nearly a million dollars. Romney entered the ring to the strains of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” along with his wife Ann, who was dressed like a wigger and did her best to act like one.

Romney smiled his way through nearly two rounds before he threw in the towel. At one point in the second round, he even knocked Holyfield down, although Holyfield couldn’t have taken a more obvious dive.

Here is the sad spectacle from start to finish. It’s the sort of thing you would have expected to see in Rome around 470 AD.

ASIANS SUE HARVARD FOR DISCRIMINATING AGAINST THEIR HIGH TEST SCORES
An alliance of over 60 Asian-identity groups that includes Koreans, Pakistanis, Chinese, and Indians has filed a federal complaint against Harvard University for discrimination. They claim the university’s racial-quota policies are unfairly biased against Asians who are often bypassed from acceptance in favor of black and Hispanic students whose test scores are much lower.

In 2012, Asian Americans scored an average of 63 points higher on the SATs than white students and 368 points higher than black students. A 2009 book called No Longer Separate, Not Yet Equal said that when controlling for all other factors, Asians needed to score 450 points higher than blacks and 270 points higher than Hispanics to enjoy the same odds of being admitted at a private college.

Although Asians comprise less than 6% of the American population, they represent slightly over 20% of Harvard’s student population. But if race were not a factor in considering admissions, Asians would take up an even wider slice o’ the Harvard pie.

The complaint against Harvard recalls staunch Asian opposition last year in California to affirmative-action policies that would have penalized Asians for scoring well on standardized tests.

The possibility of being able to sue for discrimination based on being too intelligent opens up an exciting and possibly hilarious new legal frontier.

STUDY: WHITE SCHOOLKIDS MOST LIKELY TO BE BULLIED
A recently released survey by the National Center for Education Statistics found that white students were more likely to be bullied in school than blacks, Hispanics, or Asians. The study polled students from ages 12-18 and found that nearly a quarter of whites (23.7%) report having been bullied. Blacks (20.7%) edged out Hispanics (19.2%), with Asians taking up the rear at a paltry 9.2% of self-proclaimed bullying victims.

There are many possible takeaways from this survey. It’s possible that whites are being disproportionately harassed. Or it’s possible that whites are whinier than other groups and thus more likely to complain about being bullied. Or maybe it’s just that whites are the least likely group to fight back. Or maybe even all of the above.