Jimmy Savile

MICHELLE OBAMA HATES GYPSIES, THINKS THEY STINK, AND WANTS THEM ALL EXTERMINATED
…well, not exactly, but you can imagine the headlines if some white male Republican politician had said he’d been “gypped””€”he would either have been forced to wash Gypsies’ feet with his teardrops live on C-SPAN or forever be banned from politics.

Yet the First Black First Lady recently used exactly that term when describing how she’d felt shortchanged by part-time work:

The first thing I tried to do which was a mistake was that I tried the part-time thing, but what I realized was that I got gypped on that front, because when you are, work at a professional job, what happened was I got a part-time salary but continued to work full-time.

In 2009, her husband told a town hall meeting in Pennsylvania that he sought to regulate the health-insurance industry so that people don’t feel “gypped.”

In doing so, both Obamas have insulted the bold, fearless, and enduring legacy of the Romani peoples throughout their deeply painful diaspora, and it would behoove this self-centered, uppity power couple to consider the suffering of someone who isn’t black for a change. Also”€”hate is bad in itself, but dishonesty is even worse. Everyone knows that Michelle and Barack really wanted to say “Jewed down” rather than “gypped,” but their handlers wouldn’t allow it.

THE PERILS OF FORESKIN REMOVAL ON THE DARK CONTINENT
Africa, as is its wont, continues to struggle with AIDS and rape and tribalism and illiteracy and ignorance and superstition and religious wars and poverty. It is also struggling with the seemingly simple practice of circumcision, as 11 young men or more have died in South Africa recently due to “bungled circumcisions.” Men in Zimbabwe have grown wary of the practice due to widespread rumors that nurses are selling their foreskins at $50 a pop to be used in magical rituals. In Uganda, men are reportedly afraid to undergo circumcision because their wives claim it makes sex less satisfying. Just as it takes a village to raise a child over there, it apparently also takes a whole village to circumcise a man. And we applaud their struggle, whatever it is, so long as we aren’t forced to watch.

LOSING THEIR HEADS
Last week a Berlin court gave 45-year-old Michael Schneider, who had chopped his gay sex playmate to pieces and left his head “bobbing in a stewpot,” a surprisingly light sentence of less than four years. The judge gave great leeway to the idea that Schneider, who met his victim online, was only serving the man’s darker desires in a consensual manner, even though it got a bit out of hand: “He is responsible for the death but he didn’t want to kill his sexual partner,” read the official judgment.

In India, a man was arrested for decapitating a 14-year-old boy in the superstitious hope that it would aid his own three children, who suffered from medical problems and very likely continue to suffer from them.

In Pakistan, a newlywed couple was reportedly beheaded in a public square by the girl’s family members after she’d eloped with “a man of her choice.” We get the strong impression that it sucks being a chick in Pakistan these days.

NIGERIAN FEMALE SINGER: “HEY, BOKO HARAM”€”RAPE ME INSTEAD”
A Nigerian-born chanteuse named Adokiye Kyrian, who apparently doesn’t wear a bra and has very sweaty breasts“€”is pleading with the Islamic terrorist organization Boko Haram to release the kidnapped schoolgirls that raised such a social-media hubbub a while back and then were largely forgotten.
In a recent interview with Showtime, Kyrian allegedly said:

I wish I could offer myself in exchange. … They are between 12 and 15-year-old girls, for Christ’s sake. I am older and more experienced. Even if 10 to 12 men have to take me every night, I don”€™t care. Just release these girls and let them go back to their parents.

At press time, Boko Haram could not be reached for comment.