Albert Einstein

Source: Wikimedia Commons

LATINOS PISSED AT WHITE SINGER WHO PAID TRIBUTE TO LATINA SINGER
Speaking of ornery Hispaniards, the bean-harvesting community in Dallas, TX is incensed that a local concert venue chose to feature a white female singer during a recent tribute to Selena, a Mexican-American singer who was murdered by her player-hating Mexican-American fan-club president.

Suzanna Choffel was handed the unfortunate task of being a phenotypically white blonde woman paying tribute to a spicy dead brown woman, because few of the living brown people seem willing to cut her one tortilla-thin bit of slack for Failing to Be Brown. After the grimly predictable uproar emerged, Choffel tried protesting that she was actually 1/16th Mexican, but by then it was far too late. Hasta la vista, gringo woman!

A brown Selena fan named Eva Arreguin whinged, “Since that was a big part of what Selena’s legacy was, was representing the Latino community that wasn’t often represented, it felt a little bit off to have someone that was not [Latino].” An unnamed yet presumably brown Selena fan said, “If you’re going to have a blonde Caucasian woman try to do her justice, I think that’s pretty sad.”

You know what’s pretty sad? The fact that the only thing Mexicans ever invented was the humble nacho.

ITALY SAYS “NO” TO BOAT PEOPLE
Due to its proximity to Africa, Italy is bearing the brunt of the Great African Boat People Crisis that started five years ago and shows no sign of stopping. We’ve written previously on these pages about how African gangs are giving La Cosa Nostra a run for its money in Sicily. Since 2013, an estimated 700,000 of these perfectly healthy and mostly adult African males have been shipped to Italy, hardly any of them fleeing the sort of war situations that would traditionally qualify them as refugees.

Last Sunday, Italy’s deputy prime minister Matteo Salvini announced that he was refusing to allow a boat packed with 629 alleged African “refugees” from docking on Italian shores. He also announced the new government’s plans to stop accepting all further boat people from Libya as well as to deport the estimated half-million or so African migrants who aren’t technically refugees.

Spain wound up taking the migrants and Italy wound up taking the heat. All things considered, Italy won.

NETFLIX LAYS DOWN ANTI-RAPE RULES FOR ITS WORKERS
If you work for cable TV colossus Netflix and look at a coworker for more than five seconds, you are basically a rapist.

As part of the sexually hysterical purity-spiraling moral panic known as the #metoo movement—in which every woman on Earth can gain a sense of self-worth and community by claiming to have been raped—Netflix recently released a set of rules for company workers that reads like an official decree from Orwell’s Junior Anti-Sex League.

According to The Sun, the online streaming giant has banned its employees “from looking at each other for longer than five seconds,” at which point it’s clearly rapey. And you simply “mustn’t ask for someone’s number unless they have given permission for it to be distributed.” You are also forbidden from engaging in “lingering hugs” with other employees. Flirting—quite a subjective term—is likewise verboten. And if any employee witnesses another employee doing something even remotely shady, they are encouraged to immediately snitch on them to their higher-ups.

Perchance it’s a stretch, but we don’t see much distance between this and the Heaven’s Gate cultists who castrated themselves and committed mass suicide. Just like you can drive yourself insane hoping to latch onto a comet that will rescue you from this wretched planet, you can also go nuts sitting around and waiting for a rape epidemic that never happens. Until this all blows over, we would counsel Netflix to deprive its workforce of access to sharp objects and barbiturates.

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Every Monday, Jim Goad reads the previous day’s “Week That Perished” on his podcast.