Justin Trudeau

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BLACK ACTRESS ACCUSES SEAFOOD RESTAURANT OF RACISM
Leslie Jones is neither intelligent nor attractive nor funny. However, she is a black woman, so Hollywood bequeathed a career upon her to, you know, try to make up for slavery and everything.

Because she is a black woman with a media career, Leslie is always shrieking like some sort of primate in estrus about how everything and everyone around her is racist and how she hates white people and wants to punch white women in the mouth and how there’s nothing racist about that because she’s only fighting racism when she does that.

Last June, without offering a reason, Jones attended the not-at-all-racist Black Entertainment Television Awards and then accused the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Los Angeles of being a deeply racist edifice:

Wow was such a great night at the BET awards. But then had THE WORST STAY @RitzCarlton DO NOT STAY THERE!! THEY DONT [sic] LIKE BLACK PEOPLE!!

Last week, after planting her bulbous posterior down at the Atlanta Fish Market late one night, she turned once again to social media to accuse the “snobby manager” of being a racist:

Ok dam [sic] I wanted a nice meal and wow Atlanta Fish Market gave me the worse [sic] service I’ve EVER gotten. Then instead of the manager coming to make it better, he came and gave me the worse [sic] attitude EVER! I can’t believe this!

It’s often said that people are not born with hate in their hearts, that hating people is a learned behavior. And you, Leslie Jones, are a great teacher.

RACIAL SLURS REPORTED AT VERMONT LOONY BIN
According to a 35-page report from the Vermont Human Rights Commission—which is apparently some state agency where taxpayers fork over their hard-earned ducats so investigators can determine if anyone’s calling people “junglebunnies” at local lunatic asylums—a mental patient repeatedly at Vermont Psychiatric Hospital called a black female worker a “nigger.” To make things even more painful, employees allegedly used terms such as “colored people,” “nappy hair,” and “fried chicken” within earshot of this African American female employee, not realizing that with each word they were effectively raising welts on her bare back with bullwhips.

Tim McCants—another black employee at the hospital and who himself is probably around 33.33% of Vermont’s total black population—says that he found NIGGER written on his windshield back in 2007 and was frequently called “chocolate boy” by other employees.

Ben & Jerry wept.

WOMAN WRITES ARTICLE ABOUT CHEATING ON HER BOYFRIEND WITH HER RAPIST
If there’s something that could be said for feminism, it’s that it makes women insane in new and exciting ways. With all the craziness we’ve witnessed over the decades, we hold a rare admiration for anyone who can “bring the crazy” from a completely unexpected angle.

The year has barely dawned, but it will have a hard time topping “I Cheated on My Boyfriend with My Rapist” in the category of Most Demented Headline of 2018. “By seducing my assaulter,” claims writer Lana Hoch, “I was reclaiming the control I’d lost over my body and identity”:

Oddly, being back in bed with him didn’t scare me. We rolled around and made out in the bottom half of a bunk bed. It was all very PG-13; the way I might have behaved with a high school crush. He didn’t push for more and I didn’t offer. I woke to find three friends rousing on his grungy couch and shooting me confused looks—they were friendly with my pretty serious boyfriend. I knew I should be ashamed and, frankly, worried that my boyfriend—who I’d been with for a year and would go on to date for another three—would find out. But I was neither. Instead, I felt like I’d scratched a hard-to-reach itch.

Not only did she scratch that itch, she made the world smell her fingers. The primary cause of misogyny in the modern era is, of course, feminism.