Pocahontas

Source: Wikimedia Commons

CANDIDATE RUNS ON ANTI-PENIS PLATFORM
With the current gender war essentially snowballing into “all women are raped all the time, and all men are raping them,” enterprising women will naturally take advantage of this male handicap to further their own careers.

Enter Dana Nessel, who is running for Michigan attorney general. In a recent campaign ad, she uses her hands a lot while arguing that it’s hard for politicians to rape people with their penises when they don’t actually have penises.

When you’re choosing Michigan’s next attorney general, ask yourself this: Who can you trust most not to show you their penis in a professional setting? Is it the candidate who doesn’t have a penis? I’d say so.

We suppose you have a point, but that doesn’t stop us from being suspicious of political candidates who seem as if they want to bite you with their vagina.

REPORT: POLICE BUNGLED CHARLOTTESVILLE RALLY
An independent review commissioned by the city of Charlottesville, VA in the wake of August’s ill-fated “Unite the Right” rally has concluded that if the police had been doing their jobs, the rally may have turned out to be nothing more than a ho-hum and sparsely attended gathering of white nationalist orators.

The report was prepared by former US Attorney Timothy Heaphy, who claims that Charlottesville officers told him that Police Chief Al Thomas initially told them to “Let them fight for a little, it will make it easier to declare an unlawful assembly.”

According to Heaphy’s report:

The City was unable to protect the right of free expression and facilitate the permit holder’s offensive speech. This represents a failure of one of government’s core functions—the protection of fundamental rights. Law enforcement also failed to maintain order and protect citizens from harm, injury, and death. Charlottesville preserved neither of those principles on August 12, which has led to deep distrust of government within this community….People were injured in violent confrontations that could have been but were not prevented by police…Some of the individuals who committed those violent acts escaped detection due to police inability or unwillingness to pursue them….

The mainstream press largely ignored the report, just as they ignore anything that undermines their prefab “Nazi Hate Terrorism” narrative. For them, inconvenient facts regarding the fiasco are filed under Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlottesville.

MURDER TRIAL BEGINS IN CASE OF ELDERLY WOMAN BEATEN AND SET ON FIRE
Last year, 83-year-old Dorothy Dow of Lone Oak, GA died of injuries she sustained after burglars broke into her home. One assailant allegedly beat her with a gun as she was lying in bed, breaking her hand and arm. They also allegedly doused her with a flammable liquid, setting her on fire and permanently disfiguring her back.

Last week authorities indicted Courtavious Deshun Heard, Angel Latrice Harmon, Mina Christine Ellery, and Justin Grady on murder charges. Shanquavious Keontrell Cameron was not indicted on murder but is facing charges for allegedly burglarizing Dow’s home in the days prior to her murder. The happy quintet—four of them teens and one an adult—will go to trial next year.

Every Monday, Jim Goad reads the previous day’s “Week That Perished” on his podcast.