Alan Turing

WIDE WORLD OF GAYNESS
British code-breaker Alan Turing, who committed suicide after eating a cyanide-laced apple subsequent to being chemically castrated for “gross indecency””€”i.e., “being a homosexual””€”has received an official royal pardon nearly 60 years after it would have done him any good.

TV announcer Anderson Cooper, who’s roughly as gay as semen on a waxed mustache, joined a CNN roundtable with fellow gaybirds Andrew Sullivan and Dan Savage to let the world know that his mother once made him proofread a passage about a man performing cunnilingus on her when she was 85 years old.

Starting on January 1, the Boy Scouts of America will formally allow mincing, screaming, petulant, way-out-of-the-closet gay youths into their ranks. Be prepared.

Meanwhile, the fag-hating sub-Saharan nation of Uganda has passed a bill that mandates life imprisonment for “aggravated homosexuality,” which we presume would apply to offenders such as, oh, Richard Simmons. Despite all the bad press that Russia is getting these days, Uganda is among an estimated 30 African nations that criminalize homosexuality.

RABBIS BEHAVING BADLY
Milwaukee’s Rabbi Menachem Youlus, who touts himself as the “Jewish Indiana Jones,” was found guilty and sentenced to four years in prison for bilking customers out of an estimated $1.5 million for selling faux restored Torahs he claimed to have rescued from the Holocaust.

In Pittsburgh, Rabbi Mordechai Rosenberg is being sued for allegedly severing a newborn boy’s penis during a botched circumcision.

A KINDER, GENTLER KLAN
The town of Harrison, AR”€”which recently made headlines for hosting a billboard that features “the mantra””€”was designated a “Love Your Neighbor Community” in a press release issued by Pastor Thomas Robb of KKK group Knights Party, USA. Robb wrote of Harrison:

There is little crime, no bad neighborhoods, no ‘wrong exits’ off the highway, no flash mobs, no drive-by shootings, no gang violence, no knock-out games, no racial tension, and you can actually relax when going out to shop at night. It is truly a peaceful and neighborly community.

Robb cited the town’s high quotient of white Christian residents as the underlying reason for such idyllic conditions.

The week before last, two Klan groups congregated in Maryland to insist they no longer espouse “hate,” that they are “not trying to be racists,” and that they “haven’t had any bombings or hangings for years.”

DUCK REDUX
Apparently more cowed by market forces than by the shrieking demands of the Rainbow Reich, the A&E Network has lifted its indefinite suspension of Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, but not before chubby black race hustler Michael Eric Dyson accused the show of being “part of a majority white supremacist culture” and mush-mouthed racial ambulance chaser Jesse Jackson claimed that Phil Robertson was worse than Rosa Parks’s bus driver.

DIVERSITY AND DIVISION
In a headline that is supported by the extensive research of Robert D. Putnam but is simultaneously startling because the Associated Press did not censor it, a review of shifting demographics in the small California town of Watsonville declared that “Diversity Prompts Increased Racial Isolation.”€