Darren Young

NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF COONERY AND PREVARICATION
The president of an NAACP chapter in Lee County, Florida, has received state approval to picket, demonstrate, remonstrate, and hoot ‘n’ holler at the fact that a portrait of Confederate General Robert E. Lee hangs in the county commissioner’s chambers. Lee County, incidentally, was named in honor of Robert E. Lee.

An NAACP chapter at Dartmouth College issued a “call for justice” over a ghetto-themed “Bloods and Crips” party held over the summer, labeling it a “bias incident” and a “racist and classist event.”

Bowing to pressure from what he described as his “buddies” at the NAACP, hip-hop media magnate Russell Simmons issued an apology for featuring a “Harriet Tubman Sex Tape” on his newly unveiled YouTube page and calling it “the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” The video”€”produced in part by David Geffen, Steven Spielberg, and Jeffrey Katzenberg’s DreamWorks Studios”€”features Tubman as a manipulative sex siren who threatens to blackmail her bumbling and sexually inept white master by revealing their relationship unless he frees all his slaves. One segment appears to show Tubman”€”who was definitely no looker in real life”€”anally penetrating her white owner.

TIGHTENING THE NOOSE AROUND “HATE SPEECH”
A mind-meltingly Orwellian article in The Guardian declared “You’re probably more racist and sexist than you think,” claiming with zero hard evidence that “the evidence for subconscious prejudice keeps growing.”

Our softly genocidal, totalitarian-minded, nation-busting, culture-obliterating friends at the United Nations are seeking to “stop the spread of racist hate speech on the Internet and social media networks.” Deputy High Commissioner for Human Rights Flavia Pansieri, who looks vaguely like failed Democratic presidential candidate Michael Dukakis, asked, “Where does the right of expression, which we all want to respect, stop and the need to sanction and prevent hate speech begin?” Short answer: over our dead bodies. You have no right to dictate what we think, feel, or say. Go cop a shave, lady.

A LE’GENIUS BY ANY OTHER NAME
People with all sorts of funny names were doing not-so-funny things last week. In Pensacola, FL, a 77-year-old white man was allegedly attacked by five teenagers named Demetrius, Javontae, Keyon, Alicia, and Shaknee. In Seattle, a 35-year-old homeless man named Chikwanha Eastling Nyashanu reportedly pointed a gun at a white man’s face and told him to apologize for all the things that white people had done to black people. Although the victim says he believes he was targeted for being the only white pedestrian in the vicinity, he also says he does not think the crime was racially motivated. (We won’t even try to figure that one out.) In Memphis, three teens named Mario, Dondre, and Jerrica are being charged in connection with the murder of a 27-year-old white man named David Santucci. And in St. Petersburg, 13-year-old Le’Genius Wisdom Williams was booked on attempted murder charges for allegedly shooting 15-year-old Dinarick Ford.