Dr Hans Asperger

Source: Wikimedia Commons

STUDY: GOVERNMENT IS GOD’S UNDERSTUDY
It is often said that the actual motive behind feminism was not equality, but rather to render women dependent on the government rather than on their man.

A recent study suggests that the same may be true when it comes to religion—give people enough government, and they won’t lean on religion as much.

Researchers who crunched data from nearly a half a million people across 155 countries concluded that:

If a secular entity provides what people need, they will be less likely to seek help from God or other supernatural entities. Government is the most likely secular provider. We showed in two cross-sectional analyses, one using world countries and one using states in the United States, that better government services were related to lower levels of religiosity…better government services in a specific year predicted lower religiosity 1 to 2 years later.

If feminism was all it was cracked up to be, women wouldn’t be choosing between being dependent on men, religion or the government—they wouldn’t be dependent on anything.

UGLINESS PRIVILEGE IS REAL
It is said that physically beautiful people float through life on angel wings made of golden marshmallows, receiving every unfair financial, romantic, social, and legal benefit that is denied to the homely and the butt-ugly dogfaces among us.

However, a new study published in the Journal of Business and Psychology surveyed 20,000 young Americans whose “physical attractiveness” was “measured” at four stages between ages 16 and 29 finds that:

Very unattractive respondents always earned significantly more than unattractive respondents, sometimes more than average-looking or attractive respondents.

According to AOL.com—yes, it still exists, although only very unattractive people still use it—the study suggests that:

Very unattractive people earn significantly more money…people who are ‘very unattractive’ may be the biggest earners.

One way to rectify this societal inequity would be to place a crushingly punitive tax on the physically uncomely among us. Nobody should be forced to look at those people, at least not without being paid.

BANNING ORAL SEX IN UGANDA
Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni is famous for three things: Killing millions of people, liking Donald Trump, and hating homosexuals. Now he adds to his impressive resume of being one of the world’s most exciting and entertaining national leaders with a recent proposal to ban oral sex in his country. Museveni claims that the foul practice of placing your mouth on another person’s private parts was pushed on Ugandans by sodomitical “outsiders.”:

Let me take this opportunity to warn our people publicly about the wrong practices indulged in and promoted by some of the outsiders….One of them is what they call oral sex. The mouth is for eating, not for sex. We know the address of sex, we know where sex is.

In 2014, Musuveni also warned his countrymen and countrywomen about the dangers of oral sex:

You push the mouth there, you can come back with worms and they enter your stomach because that is a wrong address.

We applaud President Museveni’s bravery in addressing the fact that oral sex can give you worms. Uganda is a world leader in warning people about the frankly gross practices of sexual deviants. Remember, it wasn’t an American pastor who informed the world that homosexuals “Eat Da Poo Poo”—it was a Ugandan one. Peace be unto you, sweet Ugandan brothers.

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