The Week’s Most Laborious, Inglorious, and Injurious Headlines

PLAYING POKÉMON AT AUSCHWITZ
Since its release on July 6, the addictive mobile phone game Pokémon Go has seen such enormous success that it already gets more traffic than Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter.

But with every massive success must also come epic tragedy, usually involving Jews.

Described as a “free-to-play location-based augmented-reality mobile game,” Pokémon Go uses a smartphone’s GPS and camera devices to superimpose adorable little animated creatures known as Pokémon onto a handheld screen that depicts the real world that’s right before your eyes. The aim is to capture as many Pokémon as possible and train them to do battle with other Pokémon.

This all proved to be a world of fun until it was discovered to the world’s gasping horror that people were playing Pokémon Go at Poland’s Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum and the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC. A spokesman for the Auschwitz museum claimed it was “disrespectful” to play the game on its premises, while Holocaust Museum communications director Andrew Hollinger cautioned that playing Pokémon Go amid sobering and terrifying depictions of Nazi concentration camps was “not appropriate.”

Even more horrifying and problematic was the appearance of an image apparently depicting a Pokémon named “Koffing””€”whose special talent is emitting poison gas”€”hovering near the Holocaust Museum’s Helena Rubinstein Auditorium, which spotlights oral testimony from alleged gas chamber survivors.

Still, some gaming enthusiasts remained impenitent in the face of the Holocaust industry’s lamentations. One player told the Washington Post he had a grand time capturing a Pokémon named “Krabby” while in the Holocaust Museum’s lobby. A thirty-seven-year-old female friend of his named Angie added, “It’s not like we came here to play, but [you] gotta catch ‘em all.”

One is reminded of the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and his girlfriend are spotted making out in a movie theater during Schindler’s List. Or when Australian satirist John Safran made out with a blonde girl in the attic of the Anne Frank House.

What’s next? Triumph des Super Mario?

RETAIL CHAIN YANKS “SEXIST” BOYS’ T-SHIRTS
Clearly the biggest problem facing young boys these days is not the fact that they’re falling behind girls in school nor the general stench of misandry that pervades academia and media. No, what we need to drill through the soft skulls of people whose gender was assigned as “male” at birth is that gender is a social construct and that old patriarchal notions of masculinity are toxic and cancerous and just plain gag-worthy.

The retail chain Forever 21 recently yanked a line of T-shirts for boys”€”some as young as five!”€”that were deemed problematically sexist and sexistically problematic. Forever 21 succumbed to the boiling fermented emotional wrath of feministas worldwide after it was discovered they were pimping a line of that featured such horrifyingly and problematically unacceptable messages as “CHICKS ARE ALL OVER ME” and “SORRY LADIES, I ONLY DATE MODELS,” and “HOLA LADIES.”

Christia Spears Brown is a University of Kentucky psych professor who wrote a book about how you should raise your kids to believe that sexual dimorphism is merely an illusion. She claims she was “shocked” by these T-shirts:

It is completely inappropriate for companies to sell those shirts to young boys. Even I am pretty shocked by those, and little shocks me these days. It sexualizes children at an age when they should not be sexualized….It reinforces a harmful stereotype about boys that says their value and worth is dependent on how many girls or women they can ‘conquer.’ This has a ripple effect that can harm boys, both gay and straight, as well as girls. It indirectly says that girls are only for sexual attention and not for friendship. Anything that says that only models are worthy of attention is never positive for girls.

This is Christia Spears Brown. No further questions, Your Honor.

TRANNY DUDE ARRESTED FOR TAKING PICTURES IN WOMEN’S FITTING ROOM
Sean Patrick Smith is a 43-year-old Idahoan who looks like a beefier version of Taki’s Mag contributor David Cole. Flouting biological reality and common sense, Sean claims he’s a woman named “Shauna” and often traipses around in a dress and blonde wig. Sean was recently arrested and charged with a felony count of voyeurism for allegedly filming an 18-year-old biological female in an adjoining fitting room at a Target store in Ammon, Idaho. Smith allegedly told a detective that he makes a habit of surreptitiously filming women undressing for the “same reason men go online to look at pornography.”

More details of the case are available in the Idaho Statesman, which like most major media today destroys its own credibility by using feminine pronouns to describe this daffy, ditzy, delusional dude.