October 27, 2013
Hillary Clinton
When Oklahoma City police responded to reports of a “person going ballistic,” they found 22-year-old Jeremy Jarnell Anderson covered in blood, burning a Bible, smashing objects, and accusing a “homosexual demon” of seducing him. In his defense, Anderson claimed he was “not gay, just high.”
Thirty-nine-year-old Australian mother of three Suzanne Ali was sentenced to six and a half years behind bars for tying up her partner Christopher Smith for 24 hours, bashing his head with a sledgehammer, taking photos of his suffering, and then going out to get a bite to eat at McDonald’s.
A Colombian mother of 14 has been arrested and charged with pandering to the tastes of middle-aged men who desired sex with young virgins. Margarita de Jesus Zapata Moreno, 45, is accused of selling the virginity of a dozen of her daughters to older men at costs ranging from $160 to $212 per virgin.
A gruesome Kenyan case involving a 16-year-old girl who was reportedly gang-raped, buried in a 20-foot sewage ditch, and left confined to a wheelchair with no control over her bowels led to outrage when the alleged perpetrators were freed after only being required to cut grass at a local police station as their punishment.
Detroit has topped the Forbes list of America’s most dangerous cities for the fifth straight year. The others in the top ten are, in order, Oakland, St. Louis, Memphis, Stockton, Birmingham, Baltimore, Cleveland, Atlanta, and Milwaukee. It’s understandable that Stockton would be on the list for demographic reasons (it’s 40% Hispanic), but it remains a mystery what those other cities have in common.
RACE: HIP HIP HOORAY FOR THE PEANUT GALLERY
Indian model Nandita Das has launched a campaign called “Dark is Beautiful” to protest an alleged pervasive cultural bias that favors light-skinned women. India’s “whitening cream market” reportedly accounts for over $600 million in annual sales and includes an “intimate wash” designed to “whiten vaginas.” It was also recently revealed that the average household in India, once a global emblem of poverty and deprivation, has a higher net worth than the median black American household.
Four black Mississippi teenagers have been charged with murder in the beating death of 87-year-old Lawrence E. “Shine” Thornton, AKA the “Tamale King.”
Despite the fact that a white Brooklyn couple were attacked and beaten by a group of 10 or so black teenagers and claim their assailants shouted “Get those crackers!,” “Get that white whore!,” and “White motherfuckers!” while beating them, a grand jury has declined to bring hate-crime charges against the alleged perpetrators.
A 25-year-old Ukrainian engineering student living in London stabbed an 82-year-old Muslim man to death and described his motive to police officers thusly:
I have a racial hatred, so I have a motivation….I would like to increase racial conflict, because they are not white and I am white.”
The US Patent and Trademark Office has refused to allow Asian-American dance band The Slants to register their name on the grounds that it is racially offensive.
The Huffington Post published a helpful article remonstrating unwitting American closet racists that they are guilty of using racist terms without even being aware that they”re racist. Such phrases include “sold down the river,” “peanut galleries,” and the seemingly benign “hip hip hooray,” which was allegedly used by Germans “as a rallying cry while hunting for Jewish people in the ghettoes.”
To that we can only say “23 skidoo,” “you got ants in your pants,” and “don”t let the bedbugs bite” with the sincerest hope that you hear our dog whistles loud and clear.
