Source: Bigstock

The Week’s Most Time-Biding, Home-Siding, and Gay-Priding Headlines

GAY GROUP AIDS GAZA
It’s LGBLT Pride Month!

And you probably hadn’t finished celebrating May’s Pacific Islander Heritage Month.

Well, time to trade lei for gay and grass skirts for ass hurts. Time to segue from fat blubbers who eat poi to scat lovers who seek boy.

And what’s on the mind of America’s favorite alphabet soupers this year?

Gaza, of course!

TheBody.com, America’s No. 1 site for gay men with AIDS, has, for 29 years, given gay men every necessary tip for not getting AIDS (except “don’t have unprotected anal sex”…they somehow forgot that one).

So this Pride Month, TheBody’s launched a new project—“aiding Gaza.”

That this was almost certainly conceived without irony is rather impressive.

Leading the charge? Jason Rosenberg, chief of the Act Now End AIDS coalition and writer for The Advocate. No idea if Rosenberg has full-blown AIDS, but his face seems to think so.

Writing in TheBody last week, Rosenberg declared, “If we as AIDS activists believe that health care is a human right, that housing and food security are health care, then actively opposing Israel’s genocide and apartheid is well within our mission.”

Fight Israel! HI-V for Victory!

This is exactly what the people of Gaza have been waiting for—an army of limp-wristed butt-boners carrying an incurable communicable disease coming to the rescue.

Still, it might be a good education for the AIDS activists, spending time with ignorant superstitious intolerant ultraviolent homophobes. “Gay bashing”? Get ready for “gay Bashar,” the Arabic term for tossing people like Rosenberg off buildings.

This might end up the funnest Pride Month ever!

TRANSGIRL, INTERRUPTED
So far, though, it’s been a rough Pride Month. In L.A., a Christian lifeguard is suing for the right to remove the Pride flags near his station. In Colorado, the state GOP (motto: “Watch Us Turn Purple Into Blue”) issued a call to burn Pride flags.

And in Philly, LGBTs learned what happens when an unstoppable farce meets an immovable niqabject. During the annual Philly Pride Parade (known locally as “PPP”), a group of Gaza supporters blockaded the marching freak show of shemales.

Essentially, the akbars tried to out-tranny the trannies, who, prior to this year, have been America’s most inflexible, least forgiving, “love us, agree with us, take orders from us, or die” demographic. Trannies are even worse than blacks, because most Americans know at least one friendly, laid-back black. But is there any type of tranny other than the “angrily on the hunt for offense” tranny?

A normal human trying to relax around trannies is like a puppy trying to relax at a Kristi Noem family reunion. Sit still, stay quiet, and obey…or else.

But during the parade, the trannies were stopped dead in their tracks by pro-Palestinian activists chanting, “PPP, KKK, IOF are all the same.”

That doesn’t really rhyme. Maybe “PPP, gay and lame, KKK is just the same” or “PPP, freaks in tights, KKK’s for racist whites.” Or even “PPP, makes me puke! Like a faggy David Duke.”

See, this is what happens when marchers half-ass their chants. And gays rarely “half” ass anything.

The Gaza activists blockaded because, according to one of the protesters, “We reject all celebrations of pride if they’re not grounded in the struggle to end genocide.”

But don’t trannies also claim to be fighting genocide? Shouldn’t they counter with “We reject all actions in support of Gaza if they’re not grounded in the struggle to end genocide”?

Both sides exchanging bitter screams of “We’re trying to save LIVES!” “We’re trying to save LIVES!” “We’re trying to save LIVES!” “We’re trying to save LIVES!” for all eternity.

If only Frank Rizzo were there with a steamroller.

DOUBLE-BIND, TREBLE DAMAGES
Last week was a profitable one for blacks who did nothing. Chicago’s scheme to give black residents a $25,000 home grant as “reparations” was upgraded to where now they’ll just get cash (’cause you can’t buy no fries with no “grant”).

And the University of Virginia paid blacks $9 million because the school didn’t profile a black student.

Christopher Darnell Jones was a “black scholar.” In high school he was Student of the Year, and yes, an honor student. But at UVA, he claimed he was bullied (if there’s one thing you hate to see, it’s honor-student-on-honor-student bullying).

To help Jones overcome his self-confidence issues, his “social justice” professor invited him to tag along on a field trip with the school’s football team to see a play about Emmett Till (Till There Was You, starring Don Cheadle as Emmett’s jaunty hat).

“This play shall sow brotherhood between you and the jocks who harass you,” the professor declared. “Together, you’ll be lifted up in pride and self-esteem.”

And as today’s academics always are, the prof was dead wrong. Well, wrong. The “dead” part applies to the jocks. Jones opened fire on the bus, killing three and wounding two (Sailer’s Law again befouled, but to be fair, they were in an enclosed space).

The families of the three deceased gentle giants sued the school, claiming officials should’ve “profiled” Jones as a troubled loner with esteem issues and kicked him off campus.

And of course, everyone knows that had the school actually done that prior to the shooting, admins would’ve faced sit-ins and likely a federal civil rights lawsuit.

Basically, UVA was destined to lose $9 mil either way. So, like the AIDS activists mentioned above, they settled, taking it up the butt.

Except unlike the AIDSers, they didn’t enjoy it.

DEAD LOBSTER
Red Lobster’s bankrupt and closing. And for the first time ever, the media’s incessant “but how does this affect black people” articles are actually relevant.

Red Lobster founder Bill Darden knew from the get-go that his deep-fried-fish joint would appeal to blacks who wanted “upscale” soul food. A Red Lobster server in Beachwood, Ohio—87 percent white, 9 percent black—told MadameNoire in 2011, “Ninety percent of guests are black.”

Many of Red Lobster’s CEOs were black, including its final one, Horace Dawson (who grew up in Nigeria and Liberia, so you know he’s competent). Previously general counsel of Hard Rock, Dawson helped negotiate the 2006 sale of Hard Rock to the Seminole Tribe for $965 million, which within a week was blown on booze and smallpox blankets (hey, they’re surprisingly comfortable).

Dawson’s stated goal for Red Lobster? “Adding more minorities and women to top executive posts.”

How’d that work out?

Still, that alone didn’t kill the chain.

What did? Dawson’s “endless shrimp” idea (hatched when he was executive VP but essentially running the company as the CEO position was vacant). That brilliant plan gave Red Lobster an $11 million loss each quarter in 2023.

Worse still, servers told Slate that customers would sit there all night eating plate after plate of shrimp and wouldn’t tip (one server describes a guy pounding down 30 orders, then stiffing her). A black Medium author even bragged about eating $122 in food, giving the waitress $150, demanding $27 in change, keeping it, then calling the police when she didn’t get biscuits.

Along with not tipping, customers would battle staff over the basic rules of all all-you-can-eat joints—no sharing, no take-home.

So in the end, what killed Red Lobster?

To phrase it like the no-nonsense grandma of a black diner, “You ignorant-ass greedy niggaz dun eated too much shrimp.”

BLM is currently protesting Red Lobster closures…and no, that’s not a joke.

“No crustaceans, no peace.”

“UNCONTACTED TRIBE” MAKES SELF-CONTACT
There are 200 “uncontacted tribes” in the world, remote indigenous tree-dwellers who live cut off from civilization. The majority of these tribes reside in the jungles of Brazil.

Technically, these tribes are “protected” by the United Nations from outside interference. But now, Elon Musk has decided to contact the living crap out of them, using Starlink to hook these bare-assed savages to the ’net.

And how did Musk manage to get this policy past the “guardians of human dignity” at the U.N.? Well, notice how last week Musk changed Twitter policy to allow hardcore porn? Yep, that was the trade-off. Because those U.N. delegates love them some porn. Half the time they’re not even listening to translations in those earpieces, but rather the moans of an underage girl and a donkey.

Initially, the meeting between Musk and his first targeted tribe—the Amazonian Marubo—went well. Though Musk’s frighteningly albinic skin was off-putting, his permanently pursed lips reminded the tribespeople of their plate-lipped elders.

Musk dropped off Starlink and a bunch of phones. That was nine months ago. And now, according to a story that was everywhere last week, the entire 2,000-person tribe is hooked on porn and Twitter. The warriors who used to beat the bush for snakes are now beating their snakes for bush. The craftsmen who’d carve wood and mold jugs now get wood and behold jugs. The tree-climbers who’d extract rubber and pick bananas have become rubbers of bananas.

And everyone in the tribe’s heavily influenced by Twitter. While the Marubo lack a written language, thanks to Twitter they now communicate via memes of black people making funny faces.

There are other ways in which the tribe’s been influenced by Musk’s “X.” Tribe leader Ixtopl told the AP, “The Jews use the ‘Holohoax’ to enslave the West. Also, Joe Rogan was always right about Ivermectin. I’m just here for the ratio! Popcorn GIF! MAGA!”

In 2018, evangelical Christian John Chau was lynched trying to minister to an uncontacted tribe on North Sentinel Island.

Musk’s next destination? We can only hope.