The Week’s Most Vile, Worthwhile, and Bissextile Headlines

MARCUS STARVEY
According to The New York Times, there’s a growing movement of American blacks relocating to Africa.

The black participants are calling it “Blaxit.”

Fast-food workers, subway riders, Asian pedestrians, and Super Bowl parade enthusiasts are calling it “answered prayers.”

The Times profiles Jes’ka Washington, who relocated from Houston to Rwanda because being black in America “exhausted” her.

Indeed, those brawls over broken shake machines are hard on the back, and the side-to-side head bobbing while declaring “uh-uh-uh, oh no you dih’nt” is hell on the neck. Also, being hired without having skill and being unfireable once hired can take the wind out of anyone!

Ashley Cleveland moved from Atlanta to South Africa because she “wanted to be around black people.”

She couldn’t find black people in Atlanta? The article doesn’t mention that she’s blind.

Unfortunately, the black expats are encountering unforeseen inconveniences. First, many African nations are in “food crisis.” For a people accustomed to fast, hot, and plentiful food or else, how do you punch an entire nation for not having hot fries? Indeed, Ghana, Zimbabwe, Botswana, Kenya, Central African Republic, and Nigeria don’t have a single McDonald’s. In South Africa they have something called “slap chips,” but they’re “cooked at a lower temperature and served soft and floppy instead of fried and crispy.”

Oh boy…there’s gonna be trouble! At least in SA it’s even more legal to kill a white than in the U.S.

Washington told the Times that her biggest surprise was the absence of weave shops. “They just give you a machete and tell you to scalp a Tutsi. Best quality weaves I ever got!”

KILT IN THE LINE OF DOODY
Don’t you just hate it when people who should be friends can’t get along?

Elon Musk has so much in common with Scotland’s Punjabi-in-Chief Humza Yousaf. They’re both very open to the idea that the Jews are our misfortune, and they allow anti-Semitism to flourish in their domain. Yet these two should-be buds are feuding on Twitter over what Musk claims is antiwhiteness on the part of Yousaf (a.k.a. Gavin McImam). And sure, Yousaf’s as antiwhite as they come, but dammit he protects the nation from Jews, because if they let in the Jews with their internationalist open-borders obsession, next thing you know the entire nation might be flooded with Third World immigrants!

Oh, wait…that’s happening now. In Scotland and Ireland, practically Jew-free nations run by JubJubs.

But fear not: The Scots will never abandon their psychotic hatred of Israel, even though it was Muslims who tried to blow the Glasgow airport to kingdom come.

Scotland may soon go brown, and it may allow its womenfolk to be raped by trannies, but at least Gaza will be free!

These days Scotland really blows…and not just bagpipes.

But as Scots make an ass of themselves at home, in the U.S., one Scotsman made his ass a home…to a variety of objects. In Harris County, Texas, 6-foot-tall caber-tosser Michael Vest spent the week going antiquing while wearing a manly kilt with nothin’ beneath. He visited a dozen shops, randomly inserting items up his rectum before returning them to the shelf.

The store owners contacted police. Though considering the type of gentleman likely to own an antique shop, it’s surprising they didn’t invite Vest to dinner.

The owners claimed they had to “destroy” the soiled objects, though more than likely they were sold at an inflated price to Pete Buttigieg.

Vest was released on $100 bond. And if you’re wondering why the bond was so low in “law & order” Texas, well, let’s just say that some Texans love things that are “deep in the heart,” while others prefer things that are deep in…somewhere else.

CALIFORNIA DRESDEN, ON SUCH A SUMMER’S DAY
[In Yakov Smirnoff voice] “In America, BEANS bake YOU!”

Mexican immigrants are a huge target for the “gender reveal party” industry, because in their simplicity they still haven’t accepted Western Man’s “scientific truth” that you can’t tell a baby’s gender at birth because its soul might’ve been born into the wrong body (those ignorant wetbacks!), and also because Mexicans pop out babies with enough rapidity to keep any industry in the black (or brown, as it were).

Of course, Mexican immigrant gender reveal parties are a little different—instead of the traditional blue for boy/pink for girl dynamic, the “reveal” consists of white or green, which lets the parents know if the child will install drywall or mow lawns.

Last week Refugio Jimenez and his wife Angelina were sentenced for starting the 22,000-acre El Dorado fire in California in 2020. The fire killed one fireman and burned five homes. It began when Refugio set off a pyrotechnic gender reveal balloon in dry brush on a scorching September day.

There’s that immigrant IQ we’re told we need more of!

The partygoers should’ve known something was wrong when the color that exploded from the device was burnt lumber.

Refugio was sentenced to a year behind bars, and lest you think that’s too lenient, in 2018 Pacific Gas & Electric cremated a whopping 84 Californians in the devastating Camp Fire. 84 people baked alive, and not one person was ever held responsible, even though PG&E was found guilty of 84 counts of manslaughter. The board members evaded jail because, in the words of Bloomberg, “PG&E dodged 90 years in jail for fire because it’s not a person.”

Funny how the Mitt Romney types love saying “a corporation is a person,” until that “person” murders 84 people.

Thankfully, by this time next year Americans will never again have to say “Mitt Romney is a senator.”

PSYCHICS JUST KEEP GETTING’ HARDER TO FIND
And speaking of California…

The California Department of Transportation—Caltrans—maintains the state’s highways. And if you need proof of the agency’s competence, every one of its female directors has a porn name: Marcie Kahbody, Ann Fox, Shalinee Hunter.

Even its male director, Aaron Ochoco, sounds like a guy with a profile in an autoerotic asphyxiation chatroom.

Like all government agencies in blue states, Caltrans’ No. 1 goal is diversity. The org’s website promotes its Race & Equity Action Plan.

Yes, “REAP.”

And thanks to Caltrans’ incompetence, last week one Californian nearly met the Reaper.

The Bay Area’s Marco Vailetti was driving his truck on the lower level of the state-owned Richmond–San Rafael Bridge when a piece of concrete fell off the upper deck and went right through his windshield, missing his head by an inch.

When Vailetti submitted a claim for damages, Caltrans informed him that, per new policy, drivers have to have “prior notice” of the hazard and address it to Caltrans before the accident occurs.

You read that right (you can hear a Caltrans spokesman say it here). A driver has to know that debris will hit his car, he has to notify Caltrans of the fact that debris will hit his car, and then he has to go get hit by the debris.

Then can he sue.

So in California only psychics can get compensated by Caltrans.

It’s almost like Caltrans is purposely insuring that it’ll never have to pay out as its diversity-built structures collapse.

Still, there may be a wrinkle in the plan: The average diversity hires are so low-IQ, they may be the exact type of morons to notice a hazard, report it, and then stand under it anyway.

“I seen it was fallin’ so I stood underneaf.”

“Congratulations, Lamarr! Here’s $5,000,000! We hope the crushed skull hasn’t altered your life.”

“Actually, doctor said considerin’ how dumb I already wuz, I could only git smarter.”

TURBAN PLANNING
And since we’re on a roll in the Golden State, let’s stay there for one last story.

In 1992, California passed a mandatory helmet law for motorcycle riders. At the time, the law was very controversial among motorcyclists and libertarians.

Yes, California used to have libertarians. But then the state legalized pot, so for the past decade the libertarians have been at home on their couches chortling like Beavis and Butt-Head.

“A-huh-huh-huh…‘Meeses’…a-huh-huh-huh…he was mice.”

“Yeah, huh-huh-huh…Ludwig…a mouse in a wig…huh-huh-huh.”

In fact, the helmet law reduced motorcycle fatalities in the state by 38 percent, and—civil liberties aside—with the amount of uninsured illegals on the roads today whose brain injuries would be a taxpayer burden, the law does kinda make sense.

BTW, you can always tell a brain-injured Mexican: He blows gang members and stabs leaves.

The helmet law applies to everyone, even blacks and trannies. And the notion of a law that even blacks and trannies have to follow is, well, impressive.

Unfortunately, that might change. California’s Sikhs—there are about 500,000 of them in the state—are demanding an exemption because of their turbans. A bill has been introduced in Sacramento (by a Hispanic lawmaker who mistook Sikhs for Mexican swamis) that would allow Sikhs to ride helmet-free.

A simpler solution: There’s no religious regulation regarding what material a Sikh turban can be made from. Why not manufacture crash-resistant turbans? There’s also no prohibitions on turban size. Look at this jerk—he could go headfirst through a concrete wall without injury.

On the bright side, most Sikhs in CA are employed, so a motorSikhlist would likely be able to pay for his own care should he get bonked on the temple and see Amrit-stars. The danger is that other identity groups, like blacks with afros, may start demanding the same exemption.

California cannot risk certain demographics getting even more brain-damaged.