Shamrock, Texas

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The Week’s Most Kinetic, Frenetic, and Poetic Headlines

FRIENDLY SERVICE WITH A HEIL
A Nazi in uniform walks into a taco joint in Texas. He sits at a table.

Confused and nervous, the waiter scurries into the back office to talk to the owner.

“Hey, Gustavo,” he says, “a Nazi just walked in. What should I do?”

The owner ponders for a moment and replies, “Serve him, but tell him our tacos cost $50 each. That way, we’ll probably never see him again.”

The waiter tells the Nazi the price. The Nazi orders two tacos and scarfs them down. He leaves $100 plus tip on the table and starts to leave.

Unable to contain his curiosity, the waiter calls out, “Señor, I have to say, we don’t get many Nazis in here.”

“And at these prices,” the Nazi replies, “you won’t get many more!”

Both man have a good laugh, and then the Nazi shoots the waiter in the head.

You had to be there.

Last week, customers at Torchy’s Tacos in Fort Worth certainly did not want to be there as a group of young white dudes in full Nazi regalia entered the restaurant and ordered food. Baffled staff served the men, much to the dismay of several diners. One customer asked to speak with the manager, who told her he thought that by serving the Gestacos, he could avoid any disturbance. And indeed, after finishing their carne en Jew-go, the Burritotenkopf Brigade left without incident.

It’s a sad state of affairs when black Americans are outclassed at fast-food joints by genocidal maniacs.

Not that Nazis don’t have an ugly past when it comes to these things. In 1939 Hitler was served cold pommes frites at a Polish eatery and, well, the rest is history.

ADAM AND EVIL
Speaking of jokes…there’s scant humor in the Israel/Gaza war, but journalists are providing inadvertent comic relief anyway.

Norm Macdonald once tweeted “What terrifies me is if ISIS were to detonate a nuclear device and kill 50 million Americans. Imagine the backlash against peaceful Muslims?”

Funny enough, he did that bit on his vodcast, and guest Margaret Cho had no idea he was joking. Which is fine, because it’s not like she’s a comedian or anything.

Adam Elmahrek is a “reporter” for the L.A. Times (scare quotes would’ve also applied to “journalist,” “professional,” and “human being”). The son of a Palestinian Muslim father and Israeli Jewish mother, Elmahrek wears a steel neck-brace 24/7 to fight his compulsive desire to behead himself.

How can you tell a Palestinian Muslim-Jew? He buys his suicide vests wholesale.

Last week Imawreck went on a Twitter tirade about how the real tragedy of Israeli babies murdered by Hamas is that there might be “backlash” against Gazans.

Tickle-me-Elmahrek declared that the “beheaded babies” story should therefore not be reported, because, if it is, “most importantly, this will have deadly consequences on men, women and children in Gaza.”

Yes, “most importantly.” The most important thing about the beheaded babies story is the backlash. Not the beheaded babies.

Norm must be laughing in his grave.

When Elmahrek claimed there was no source for the story, his followers pointed out that there was an eyewitness. To which Elmahrek responded, “Yeah, but he seems biased against Hamas.”

Amazing that someone who witnessed beheaded babies has hard feelings toward the perpetrators.

This is why journalists rank lower in public opinion polls than Congress, the president, and malaria mosquitoes.

Elmahrek bragged about getting the Times to redact all mention of the dead babies. This is the same paper where assistant editor Tim Rutten, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, defended the publishing of claims the levees were purposely blown up to drown blacks, because for blacks, it’s “their truth,” even if it isn’t “truth truth.”

What goes for blacks doesn’t go for babies. Except when it comes to being allowed to throw food.

POETRY IN MOTION SICKNESS
The Hamas attack startled the world with its speed, cunning, and toll. So now every Palestinian’s walking around with a big head. Last week Palestinian-American autist Richard Hanania declared that he’s so brilliant, he could surpass Shakespeare as a writer; he just chooses not to.

Hanania should go to Gaza to report on the conflict firsthand. Sure, it’s dangerous, but this insufferable egotist is the dude who wrote that blacks must be sterilized because of their low IQ, and he managed to avoid being canceled by his mainstream publisher.

If you can dodge a bullet that big, you can dodge IDF shelling.

Hanania should pen a sonnet about castrating blacks:

The Moors must anon be de-balled;
Dysgenics thus shall be forestalled.
’Tis a fate much deserved,
Now when cold fries are served,
The whites can englut unappalled.

Speaking of poetry and blacks, turns out Ryan Carson, the leftist BLM-loving white New Yorker randomly butchered by a black man on a Bed-Stuy street, was quite the lover of verse. As his Hispanic girlfriend rakes in $73,700 (so far) for herself on GoFundMe (nothing going to Ryan’s family; the money’s to “assist her mourning”), Carson’s friends have been lauding the late laureate for his amazing poetry.

Unmentioned is Ryan’s final work, scribbled in blood as he lay dying:

I think that I shall never see,
Another day; a black’s stabbing me!
Is his name Denzel or Mr. Tibbs?
Matters not; his knife went through my ribs.
My white privilege ends here on this street,
I depart this realm, my maker to meet.
I wanted to be the wokest of heroes,
Now my BP reading is quadruple zeros.
Perhaps my life was built on lies,
As I’ve learned, every white do-gooder dies.
I wish I’d been situationally aware,
In my memory, please donate to VDARE.

ALL IN ALL, YOU’RE JUST ANOTHER SPIC IN THE WALL
Here’s a question for poets to ponder…do Mexicans ever disappear?

They certainly appear. In large numbers. Like rabbits, if rabbits did drywall.

Lately they’ve been appearing so much, Biden’s actually okayed the building of a border wall in Texas! Old Man Quiver used his executive powers to bypass environmental regulations that would’ve crippled the wall project. This puts Biden in direct conflict with environmentalists, who claim that the wall will prevent mass littering, thus eliminating much-needed jobs for America’s crying Indians.

The move also drew flak from MAGAs, because why would you need to build a wall as Trump already did it (it’s an invisible wall; that’s the genius of it—you can’t climb what you can’t see).

But even as Biden is doing something to stem the flow of appearing Mexicans, California seems unconcerned about disappearing ones. Last week Governor Newsom signed into law the “Ebony Alert,” a special Amber Alert system designed just for missing blacks.

That includes “mentally ill adult blacks.”

So the Ebony Alert also acts as a warning about people you shouldn’t try to look for.

California already has a “Feather Alert” for missing Indians (that’s not a joke) and a “Silver Alert” for missing elderly.

But in a state that’s 40 percent Hispanic, there’s no “Beaner Alert.”

Perhaps Mexis never go missing. Maybe they always find their way back, like homing pachucos.

Or possibly Mexicans are so busy running each other over while drunk driving that if Juan vanishes, the family just assumes he was flattened by tío Enrique, and everyone moves on.

Whatever the reason, Cali’s Mexicans are reacting to being left out of the “identity Ambers” the same way they react to everything political…with apathy, cervezas, and leaf blowers (literally, the only time Mexicans showed any interest in politics in the state was when environmentalists tried to ban leaf blowers).

Coming soon: ¡Arriba! Alerts, for homeowners in Beverly Hills who need to find a gardener.

YOGI BEAR: KKK
As environmentalists fight to keep the border open, it’s comforting to know that the next generation of environmental lawyers is made up of people so retarded, if they went missing in California they’d be the subject of an I-Am-Samber Alert. Last week UNLV Law School’s Environmental Law Society apologized for planning a student “picnic.”

Yes, that again. No matter how many times the claim’s debunked, black leftists still believe that the word “picnic” is a shortened version of “pick-a-nigger,” and that “picnic” refers to lynchings (it’s actually just a shortened version of the French “pique-nique,” which means “trivial bite,” though if you remove the hyphen and Google-translate “pique nique” you get “fuck spades,” so maybe the blacks are onto something).

UNLV’s future bar-exam failers of America have been doing their best to find a replacement name for their upcoming event, but every option is problematic.

“Outing”? Please! That word comes from a terrible old tradition in which a town would lure its secret homosexuals to a pasture with the promise of food, only to “out” them and beat them to death.

“Jaunt”? Racist! Originally called “jaund,” a shortening of jaundiced, or yellow, this word refers to the public lynching of Chinese immigrants. To this day, saying “jaunt” in any Chinatown will cause grown women to faint (unless they’re already out cold from being sucker punched by a black).

“Field day”? Sexist! Originally named “feeled day,” this was an old college tradition in which young men would invite attractive girls to an outdoor lunch, but instead of being fed, the women would be mercilessly groped.

The simple fact is, there’s no word one can use for an outdoor gathering that isn’t racist, homophobic, or misogynistic. If blacks want to stay safe and stay woke, they gotta stay home.

There will likely be few objections to this from whites.