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The Week’s Most Spiking, Striking, and Skirt-Hiking Headlines

NONTRANSFERABLE NON-SKILLS
The Writers Guild strike is like a Rocky IV alternate ending. Drago says, “I must break you,” Rocky says, “Go for it,” and Drago KOs him with one punch.

The writers who created the race-over-quality crap that’s bankrupting the studios now want the cash-strapped studios to pay more for the very content that made them cash-strapped in the first place.

Last week Deadline reported that the studios have decided to break the writers. Starve ’em. There’ll be no negotiations until Halloween, because by then the writers will be broke after six months of unemployment. The studios will then say, “Winter’s coming…still wanna play hardball?”

So now, in an effort to subvert that strategy, writers are looking for work—any work—to keep money in their pockets. Problem is, the real world has little use for their “particular set of skills.”

Lumber Yard Manager: “Damn, this new shipment of Hemlock’s got ring shake. Hey, new guy—any ideas?”

Writer: “Let’s have a black woman walk through the lumberyard looking noble. She’ll stare straight ahead with the dignity of a thousand queens. From her very soul she fights passionately for justice. Is she perfect? No. Sometimes she cares too much.”

Manager: “You’re fired.”

IHOP Manager: “Hey, idiot, that’s the fifth order you’ve botched. Didn’t you watch the training video?”

Writer: “Yes, and I rewrote it to star a transgender Ghanaian in the lead.”

Manager: “Christ, I shoulda hired a Mexican.”

Museum Owner: “Hey, night janitor…you Sharpied the faces in the paintings black!”

Writer: “Yep! Now the museum’s diverse.”

Owner: “Those were Rembrandts; we’re ruined!”

Writer: “Gimme a raise.”

A STRIKING IRONY
Following the 2020 BLM riots, black activists demanded that SAG-AFTRA bring MOAR BLACKS into the union.

Remember how, from 2020 onward, it seemed like every online or TV commercial only had blacks in it? Well, that wasn’t just social engineering. It was actors getting SAG cards. The most common way for an actor to get Taft-Hartleyed into the union is via commercials. So all those black faces in TV and online ads, that was hundreds of black actors being fast-tracked to union membership.

At the same time, black activists forced streamers to air endless black content, regardless of quality. Leslie Jones as Princess Grace, Don Cheadle as Charles de Gaulle. Malcolm-Jamal Warner and Tempestt Bledsoe as Pierre and Marie Curie.

Nobody watched.

So the streamers went bankrupt and lowered wages, the actors balked, the streamers were like, “We don’t have the dough because the woke content killed us,” and the actors went on strike.

And now all those black actors fast-tracked to union membership can’t work! All because of the woke content forced on the streamers by the same people who forced the union fast-tracking.

Meanwhile, white actors who lost out on roles that would’ve given them union membership can work, because they’re nonunion.

Now, that’s irony. Not so much funny as hugely satisfying. The blacks Wile E. Coyote’d themselves. Again.

SAG rules do allow striking actors to work in low-budget indie films, the kind not bound by the “equity quotas” the streamers had to sign in 2020. Meaning that, should black actors try to work during the strike, they’ll be competing against whites fairly for the first time in three years. And that probably scares them more than trudging a picket line in the summer sun.

Again, not so much funny as immensely pleasing.

SKIDMARKUS GARVEY
Two stories last week starkly illustrate the difference between blacks and whites in 2023 America.

At NYU, white educators held a “whites only” seminar to combat “white racism.” And while rightists are dunking on the obvious irony—whites fighting racism by holding a whites-only event—the reason the event was whites-only is funnier: Whites have become so certain that their hateful words harm black people (if you dare mention the race of the man who mugged you, fifty black women will have miscarriages), the whites in the seminar were afraid that if a black person overheard them confessing their racism, they’d literally die.

Whites are Muad’Dib from Lynch’s Dune: They can kill with a word.

So as NYC whites were huddled together behind closed doors whispering their sins so as not to befoul the air, in Connecticut a black man named Shaky Joseph showed that blacks ain’t about to return the favor, as he befouled the air, the roads, and about a hundred white people.

Joseph, a self-employed truck driver, hitched a tank of human waste to his rig and drove down the interstate spraying everything in his path.

It was a bad day to own a convertible in Connecticut.

Initially, drivers assumed that Joseph was unaware of the leak. But after calling the “how’m I driving” number on the side of the cab (which should’ve read “how’m I driting”), shocked motorists learned that Shakey was purposely transforming Interstate 95 into Interstate No. 2.

After turning every car behind him into a Deuce Coup, Joseph found himself pursued by cops in black-and-whites that quickly became black-and-blacks. Exiting the interstate, Joseph brought his “black dreckcellence” to city streets, turning dozens of pedestrians into Al Jolson impersonators. It was here cops finally put an end to the Killdoozer rampage. “BM and the Bear” was taken into custody; he was charged with assault and scattery.

Ten civilian vehicles, two police cruisers, and a tractor-trailer crashed from slipping-and-sliding. The 95 was closed for three hours while the roadway was cleaned, probably by the busload of Mexican illegals Mayor Adams recently sent to Connecticut. And following the human waste cleanup, the old saying proved true: “Immigration is our stench.”

And there you have present-day race relations in a nutshell: whites cowering in fear of offending blacks, and blacks toasting leftist white fragility with, “Here’s mud in your eye.”

DEADNAME? OR KILLNAME?
Some people have skeleton-filled closets.

Others have John Wayne Gacy’s crawl space.

British tranny activist Sarah Jane Baker has quite the past. Baker, who recently made headlines for telling “her” followers to “punch TERFS in the face,” is actually Alan Baker, who in 1989 was imprisoned for kidnapping a teenager and torturing him for 24 hours—burning, beating, and cutting him, stomping his kneecaps, and forcing him to perform oral sex at knifepoint.

The judge in the case called Baker’s crime “an exercise in sadism.”

Dylan Mulvaney calls it “a first date.”

Baker got seven years…then thirty more after trying to murder a fellow inmate. And now he’s free, in a wig and dress, telling people to beat up women who believe women exist.

Nice to know prison reformed him.

Baker’s the subject of weepy videos in which he slams the British justice system for not allowing him “makeup, wigs, and tights” in prison. Too bad he wasn’t imprisoned in California, where tranny murderer Skylar Deleon, who slaughtered three people to pay for his sex change, was able to order an “anal sex machine” via the prison’s computer (if you’re in prison and need a machine to anally rape you, you’re not getting around enough).

As “Sarah” Baker was advocating the beating of women, across the pond in New Hampshire, Barry Laughton—a.k.a. “Stacie” Laughton, the nation’s first tranny lawmaker—was arrested for distributing naked photos of toddlers.

Laughton, who rocks the “Clint Howard with rosacea” look, had previously been arrested for bomb threats and stalking.

But once he turned tranny, all was forgotten!

Until the naked kiddie pics turned up on his phone.

He thought he’d erased his past…but he forgot the 1,000 photos of children’s genitalia.

Undone by one little slipup.

That a dude can erase his entire history by going tranny, and nobody’s allowed to ask about it, ranks with New Coke in the “anals” of bad ideas (and to be fair, New Coke never molested kids).

WIN LOSE OR DRAW MUHAMMAD
It took only 22 years, but leftists have finally soured on Muslims.

Three thousand people killed on 9/11?

“Hey, that had nothing to do with Islam. It could’ve been any group! Those Amish are pretty sketchy.”

Dozens murdered for drawing Muhammad?

“Like you’ve never been angry at a cartoon? Let Charlie Brown kick the football, you bitch!”

Theo van Gogh beheaded?

“Oh, I see…a Dutchman cuts off his ear, he gets a Don McLean song. But a Muslim cuts off a head, he’s a monster. How Islamophobic!”

But now, as Muslims in North America fight back against tranny ideology in schools, leftists are forced to find fault with the religion of peace.

Well, kinda.

Last week retarded man-child Justin Trudeau spoke at Calgary’s Baitun Nur Mosque (this is Muslim slang for stringing a girl along just to get laid. “Hey, Abdul—you really gonna marry Inaya?” “Naw, I’m just baitin’ ’er mosque”). And the akbars went on the attackbar against “Robin Williams as Jack as Prime Minister,” berating Trudeau for not respecting their religion by forcing their children to accept trannyism.

Trudeau’s response? “You’re being brainwashed by the Christian right!”

Yeah, that’s likely. As if Muslims are so weak-willed they can be mind-controlled by people of other faiths. If that were true, Israel would’ve employed that tactic fifty years ago. Let’s be honest: If you can’t be behavior-modified by Jews, you sure as hell can’t be behavior-modified by Christians.

The fact that conservatives are now teaming up with Muslims shows just how foul the tranny agenda is.

September 11, 2001: “Them damn sand-nigras! I ain’t never gonna forgive ’em for this!”

“What if they’re the only thing keeping schools from castrating your kids?”

“As-Salaam-Alaikum!”