Xi Jinping

Source: Wikimedia Commons

The Week’s Most Taxed, Waxed, and Vaxxed Headlines

THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE (GOD HELP US)
This year’s 20th-anniversary 9/11 commemoration wasn’t exactly the patriotic pridefest it was supposed to be. Coupled with Covid, inflation, skyrocketing violent crime, and massed invaders at the border, for many Americans 9/11-20th probably felt like a family celebrating Thanksgiving following a nuclear holocaust.

“We have no food, shelter, or safety, and we’re slowly dying of radiation poisoning, but let’s still give thanks because…uh…well…because at least giant mutated rats aren’t eating our eyes.”

“Dad, giant mutated rats are eating Bobby’s eyes.”

“Crap.”

Under President LifeAlert Bracelet, the U.S. staged a rushed, humiliating withdrawal from Afghanistan following a two-decade unsuccessful war against the cavemen from Quest for Fire, and now the Taliban and al-Qaeda are right back where they were the day the towers fell.

And Muslims everywhere have learned that the most important takeaway from 9/11 is not “Don’t mass-murder Americans,” but rather “Just yell ‘Islamophobia’ and you can get away with anything.”

Take the case of Fadel Alkilani, a Muslim student at Washington University in St. Louis. He spent the 9/11 anniversary defacing a memorial of 3,000 American flags dedicated to those who perished. Alkilani was caught on video stuffing the flags into trash bags (rather hypocritical behavior for a guy whose faith calls for the death penalty for anyone who farts while holding a Koran); he responded that he was destroying the monument because honoring the victims was “imperialist.”

And when the university’s chancellor initially condemned the memorial’s desecration, the garbage-bag ghazi screamed “Islamophobia,” and the Washington University Muslim Students Association screamed “Islamophobia,” and the school’s Students for Black and Palestinian Liberation and Middle Eastern and North African Association screamed “Islamophobia,” and the chancellor backed down. Alkilani will face no disciplinary action.

Which brings us to the rascally antics of the kids at St. Thomas Aquinas High School in Fort Lauderdale. St. Thomas Aquinas is only 8% black, so of course the administration takes every opportunity to “elevate” the black students (as in, sending out a celebratory tweet after a black sophomore wrote an essay titled “Growing Up While Black”…wow, how many hours in the library did it take to cram for that one?).

On 9/11, the school’s little black darlings demolished a memorial set up by students and parents to honor victims and first responders. Turns out the cancer-curers-in-training made an oopsie: They had no idea what 9/11 was; they thought it was a Blue Lives Matter memorial.

St. Thomas Aquinas sounds like a fine institution indeed; teaching kids to write about “growing up black,” but failing to teach them what happened on 9/11.

Principal Denise Aloma, who may very well be functionally retarded, thanked the vandals for “expressing their feelings” and invited them “to speak to our school’s Diversity, Inclusion, and Sensitivity Committee to provide further understanding.”

Meanwhile, the students who objected to the vandalism were condemned as “insensitive” to BLM and George Floyd.

Terrorists can take down a plane or a building, but only people on the inside like Denise Aloma can take down an entire country.

CRAZY RICH HAITIANS
Back in 1994, during an appearance on the Charlie Rose show, then senator Joe Biden uttered this rather candid assessment: “If Haiti, a god-awful thing to say, if Haiti just quietly sunk into the Caribbean or rose up 300 feet, it wouldn’t matter a whole lot in terms of our interest.” At the time, blacks were pressuring President Clinton to intervene militarily in Haiti, where the guy who’d assumed power by beheading his foes and eating their livers had just been toppled by men who planned to behead him and eat his liver (in Haiti, this is called “the circle of life”). Biden was making the point that blacks don’t understand that the U.S. needs to pick and choose where in the world it directs its attention, and Haiti, a non-nuclear economically irrelevant dungheap, just doesn’t warrant any focus.

Boy, too bad we didn’t get that Joe Biden as president! It’s kind of like waiting for McMurphy in Cuckoo’s Nest to get lobotomized before making him head of the ward. We should’ve gotten the guy with the clear vision and healthy instincts. Instead we got the guy ready to be mercy-suffocated by an Indian.

Needless to say, conservatives on Twitter have been playing that ’94 Biden clip to dunk on the president for being “racist,” because conservatives—many of whom also deserve mercy suffocation—are dead set on dunking the nation straight to third-world-hellhole status.

Now that President Lobotomized McMurphy is flooding the U.S. with the very people he once dismissed as so irrelevant they could sink into the ocean and nobody would care, it’s up to the press to sell the American people on why this is a good idea. Because Biden certainly can’t, and Harris hasn’t been seen since she met Cory Booker at that glory hole last week.

Haitians are perceived as backwards, impoverished, superstitious drags on any nation in which they live. Of course, such racist perceptions are only fueled by the fact that they’re true. So The New York Times got the brilliant idea to slap a coat of paint over these slumdogs and present them as prosperous folks simply coming here to share their wealth:

The Haitian migrants had done well for themselves. Since leaving their country, many more than a decade ago, they had built lives in Chile, Brazil, Panama. They had homes and cars. They had stable jobs as bank tellers, welders, mine supervisors, gas station attendants. But they longed for the possibility of a better a life in the United States.

Thus began a lengthy exercise in verbal guano that never answers the key question of why such prosperous gents would have to trek across rivers, trudge through mud, and sleep under bridges instead of simply buying a plane ticket like, say, a Norwegian or Dane (what with all their wealth and such).

Unfortunately for the Times, their spin sputtered out. Between the actual images of the Haitian “camps” (tents made of palm fronds and the bones of devoured foes) and the inability of high-level Dems like AOC and Maxine Waters to stop calling the Haitians “impoverished refugees” fleeing “persecution,” the Times’ attempt at image makeover was a bust.

Still, NYT, points for trying. Now if only you would sink into the ocean.

Americans would notice that…and cheer.

TRIUMPH OF THE WON’T
Germany does Covid rage exactly as you’d expect: in a thorough, competent, and orderly fashion.

Last week in the town of Idar-Oberstein in Rhineland-Palatinate, a 49-year-old deutscher entered a mini-mart to buy beer. The 20-year-old clerk asked him to wear a mask, but Oktoberfest Otto didn’t have one. There was a brief argument, and the clerk asked the man to leave, because if there’s one thing Germans hate it’s conflict. The customer stormed out, went home, got a mask, and returned to the store wearing the mask as requested. Then he shot the clerk dead…and turned himself in to the police.

Credit where it’s due: It’s nice to see a murderer who’s law-abiding (well, except for the murder part).

In the U.S., the Covid ragers are hardly as disciplined.

About a week ago, you might’ve read about a group of “Texans” who attacked the hostess at a New York City eatery for no other reason than she asked for proof of vaccination, which is required for indoor dining under NYC law. Oh, how leftist Twitter loved that one! “Those damn Texans! Just more Trump MAGA QAnon loons trying to kill us all.”

The “Texas” anti-vaxxers were denounced as “rednecks,” “cowboys,” and “white supremacists.” “This enrages me. Keep your ignorant MAGA bullshit in Texas. Those diners are lucky I wasn’t there. Hitting a woman? What a bunch of limp dicked cowards” tweeted Kareem Harper, VP at Cronin advertising agency.

And then Gabby Johnson from Blazing Saddles got a look at the security camera footage of the incident, and he shouted (as church bells rang out nearby):

“Hey! The Texans are a GONG!”

“What did he say?”

“He said the Texans are near.”

“No, gon blammit dang blammit! The Texans are a GONG!”

Yes, it turns out the “Texans” were actually a bunch of black ghetto girls who, as the video clearly shows, swarmed and beat the hostess as she was standing outside the restaurant minding her business. Making things worse, the hostess was Asian (are there so few Asians in Texas that blacks have to come to NYC to assault them? Or has assaulting Asians simply become a standard black New York City tourism thing?).

And now BLM has started protesting the restaurant, at one point barging in maskless, no proof of vaxx, violating every city health reg.

But this time it’s for “social justice,” and we all know it’s scientifically impossible to spread Covid at a BLM protest.

Assaulted Asians, disrupted dining, BLM violating vaxx policy. De Blasio must be eating it up. He won’t be mayor for much longer, so he’s gotta get his few remaining kicks where he can.

IT’S MY PARTY AND I’LL DIE IF I WANT TO
Speaking of going maskless…

You know what the elites of the world—the politicians, celebrities, billionaires—never do? They never eat spoiled fish. If they’re at, say, NYC sushi restaurant Masa (average cost: $600 per plate) and a piece of sashimi doesn’t smell quite right, they send it back and expect the chef to perform seppuku.

You’ll never catch an elite knowingly eating rancid fish. Granted there might be one or two freaky elites who get turned on by the smell of decaying fish (smart money says it’s Michael Bloomberg), but as a general rule, elites don’t eat spoiled fish.

And why?

Because elites don’t do things that they know could make them deathly ill.

Every time the public sees one of the “better ’n thems” partying indoors in violation of mask mandates, the elite in question will always explain it away as a mistake, a momentary lowering of the guard, a “getting caught up in the moment” slip-up.

But those excuses never wash because everyone knows that these supercilious, self-important d-bags simply would not do anything that they truly believed might sicken or kill them. It’s instinctive; you don’t “momentarily forget” to not eat rotting fish.

So two weeks ago when San Francisco mayor London Breed was caught on camera gettin’ down maskless at a BLM dance party—in violation of her own indoor masking policy—and she told the press that she “got caught up in the spirit” and didn’t want to be brought down by the “fun police,” did anyone really buy that?

You never need the “fun police” to tell you not to drink Lysol or bathe in raw sewage (again, Michael Bloomberg’s fetishes aside). If you genuinely believe that something might kill you, you don’t do it. London Breed does not believe that going maskless in a nightclub might kill her.

And a week ago when Hollywood’s shining stars, who never fail to lecture the troglodytes about “masking up,” turned out for the Emmys—three straight hours of being unmasked indoors—does anyone really believe they would’ve done so had they thought being maskless indoors might be fatal? Yet still—they made sure the event staff was masked. Because the fear’s a tool. If the fear were real, the stars would’ve been “masked up” too.

And just a few days ago, Covid fearmongering Democrat congresswoman Pramila Jayapal was caught celebrating her birthday indoors and maskless.

Okay, that one doesn’t count. As an Indian, Jayapal probably does eat rancid fish and bathe in sewage.

Also, Jayapal had already recovered from Covid. And while in the U.S. that plus a dollar buys you a McNugget, Israel—arguably the most vaxxed nation on earth—recognizes the immunity of the Covid-recovered as equal to that of the vaccinated. Even in the face of a recent uptick in cases, Israel is following the science regarding natural immunity, which is a refreshing change from the hypocritical fearmongering here at home, where the only recognized “natural immunity” is that of your betters.

NIANGPAO CHICKEN
“Niangpao” is a Chinese word that means “sissy man.” And Chinese president Xi is on a crusade to exterminate niangpaos.

Xi is a savvy guy. He’s watching like a hawk as the U.S. falls to tranny culture and all manner of gender-bending and gender denial. And Xi ain’t gonna allow that disease to cripple his nation. When it comes time to “reclaim” Taiwan, Xi wants an army of manly men to counter a U.S. force made up of pregnant women, drag queens, schizos, fentanyl freaks, and fat neckbeards whose war cry is “CALL ME MA’AM!”

Still, Xi realizes that he can flood the U.S. with as much fentanyl as possible, but there’ll always be a certain number of healthy Midwestern boys who’ll join the military, so he can’t completely rely on the U.S. to take itself out of commission, at least not fully.

Hence his desire to forge his own nation of he-men. Yes, it’s the final solution to the niangpao question. Xi has ordered that only the most masculine of Chinese men be allowed on TV, in advertisements, and in movies. This is a tall order, considering that the Chinese are barely dimorphic as it is. In terms of differences among their men, well…they’re all pretty dainty. Finding the masculine ones is rather like trying to identify an alpha male panda.

But from Xi’s perspective, it’s all a matter of attitude. Whereas the U.S. military trains its soldiers to go into battle distracted by the question of whether they were assigned the wrong gender at birth, Xi wants Chinese soldiers to charge the battlefield with the raw machismo and masculinity of great American leading men like Rock Hudson, Montgomery Clift, Tab Hunter, Richard Chamberlain, and Dack Rambo.

Xi’s not exactly up to speed on Hollywood gossip. But his heart’s in the right place.

Still, his task is not exactly herculean. Not only is America weak in the knees, so are Xi’s more immediate neighbors. Soon enough the median age in Japan will be 80, and South Korea has soundly fallen to androgynous boy bands.

Perhaps the only people in the region who might be able to stand up to China are the Australians. Though previously regarded as happy-go-lucky beer-drinking goofballs, this year the Aussies have truly shined as a particularly brutal bunch of sadists, beating and shooting and stomping their own people—including women and children—for violating lockdowns and mask requirements.

Thanks to Covid, the Australians may very well have bred a generation of sociopathic, conscienceless cops and soldiers, who might just be up to the challenge of taking on the Chinese reds.

Irony of ironies: Xi undone by the very disease he gave the West. Curses!