Source: Bigstock

If you dare to question whether Hillary Clinton is physically ill, her dutiful media maidservants will smear you as mentally ill.

It matters not how many times she falls, how many speeches she interrupts with uncontrolled coughing, how many memory lapses she has in mid-sentence, how many times she cackles loudly and inappropriately, or how many apparent seizures she has while cameras roll and fawning reporters flinch. She’s not sick; you’re sick for even noticing.

“The right-wing smear machine is working at warp speed to convince the nation that Hillary Clinton has brain damage,” ululates Heather Digby Parton over at left-wing remote-controlled Clinton mouthpiece Salon.com. Sounding curiously more hysterical than the people she’s trying to depict as hysterical, she mentions “mudslinging” and “rumor mongering” emerging from the subhuman slime of right-wing “fever swamps.” Parton singles out the Alt-Right as having “gone completely over the edge with this craziness” in trying to misrepresent the former Madame Secretary as “a brain-damaged invalid.”

At the eternally punishable Wonkette, Evan Hurst casts his righteous thunderbolts of disapproval down upon “the fever swamps of the wingnut internet” where deluded Neanderthals fixate upon the discredited and debunked conspiracy theories generated solely by “Trump’s obsession with his opponent’s energy and health.”

US News bemoans “a slew of conservative or conspiracy-theory themed sites” crammed with “Hillary-phobes” whose sick minds lead them to suspect without any solid evidence that Hillary Clinton may be sick.

Not to be done by her fawning minions in the realm of egregious gaslighting, HillaryClinton.com screams that “Trump Pushes Deranged Conspiracy About Clinton’s Health To Distract From Tax Return Questions.” Desperately changing the subject, it accuses Trump of “desperately changing the subject” away from the issue of his tax returns.

But that’s a separate subject. The subject at hand is whether Hillary is likely to croak anytime soon…or poop her diapers during a White House press conference…or suffer a temporary stroke and accidentally launch a nuclear war.

Clinton’s site mentions “fabricated documents” and “lies” and a “baseless narrative” and “tin foil hats” and “conspiracy peddlers” and “absurd and debunked claims” in a transparent attempt to make anyone besides Hillary Clinton look like the craziest person on Earth.

As far as I can tell, there are far more questions being asked about Clinton’s health than there are “claims” being made. One notable exception involves a series of documents purportedly from Clinton’s personal physician claiming that she suffered from “memory loss” and “blacking out” and “uncontrollable twitching.” These documents were apparently forged.

Otherwise, here are some unanswered questions about Clinton’s potential illnesses that will get you labeled mentally ill merely for asking them:

WHY DOES SHE FALL SO MUCH?
She fell in 2009 and broke her elbow. She fell while boarding a plane in 2011. In 2012, she fainted, fell, and suffered a concussion that left a blood clot on her brain. Earlier this year, either she fell and was helped to her feet by bodyguards, or Ol’ Muffin Ass had trouble scaling a small flight of wooden stairs by herself. Last week she appeared to stumble after introducing Joseph Biden in that Basset Hound bark she has while giving campaign speeches.

WHY DOES SHE COUGH SO MUCH?
It makes her look unhealthy. Extremely unhealthy. It’s as if she’s ready to hock out her esophagus like a big bloody loogie. All that cringeworthy hacking and gagging and throat-clearing and water-sipping and choking leads a curious mind to wander through cognitive meadows that allow the possibility that Hillary Clinton has a lung tumor the size of a football.

WHAT’S WITH THAT PSYCHOTIC CACKLE OF HERS?
The woman whose cold womb Bill Clinton once saw fit to impregnate has perhaps the most sadistic and inappropriate witch-like laugh mine ears hath ever heard. If that’s not a sign of severe neurological damage, I will have to presume she is possessed by Satan.