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The Week’s Most Rending, Bending, and Three-Day-Weekending Headlines

TO’JO MAMA
(Sung to the tune of “Nagasaki”)

George Soros and Pammy Price,
Wok an Asian like fryin’ rice.
Berkeley’s Nagasaki where the blackies smoke the cracky
Then they turn you into barbecue.

You take your baby to Boba World,
Now she looks like the napalm girl.
Berkeley’s Nagasaki where an angry wacky blacky
Will chicken teriyaki you!

As the 78th anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki solemnly approaches, Berkeley, California, has decided to commemorate the occasion by making it legal to burn Asians to a crisp.

One evening in 2020, 49-year-old Brandon McGlone, a black gentleman with an extensive criminal history, walked the city streets announcing that he was planning to “set someone on fire” (the brilliant scholar was merely testing his new iteration of the traffic light, which replaces the “don’t walk” sign with an active flamethrower).

When McGlone couldn’t find volunteers willing to be immolated, he burst into a boba shop popular with Asian students from the nearby university, pulled out a can of WD-40 and a lighter, and turned a Chinese boy and his date into roast duck (they survived, much to the chagrin of local chefs who’d grown tired of dog).

When bystanders attempted to stop the incinerasian, Peter Panfry attacked them with a hatchet.

And now, Berkeley’s Soros-funded DA Pamela Price has declared, “Leave McGlone alone”; he’s been released.

Just a week earlier, several of Price’s prosecutors quit over her uncaring attitude toward the wonton violence directed by blacks against Alameda County’s Asians. She defended her decision in the McGlone case by saying, “Look, he only wanted to burn one Chinaman. But you know what they say—after you heat Chinese, an hour later you want more!”

Brandon McGlone: Ebola Gay, cooking up the Crepe of Nanking.

THE MARATHON TRANSMAN
And while we’re in Alameda, let’s visit Dublin, California—named for the Irish immigrants who’d come to the state for the Gold Rush but then there was this bar, see, and by the time they sobered up the gold was gone.

These days the city should be called Dubrin, as it’s 53 percent Asian. And the Asians of Dubrin live much better than the Asians of Berkeley, because even though both are in the same county, a vast, densely forested wildlife preserve separates the two. It also keeps Dublin safe from the residents of Oakland, who prefer not to cross the wilderness, as mountain lions and bears will attack even if you call them racist.

Yet while Dublin is safe from blacks, it’s besieged by trannies.

“Athena” Ryan, a boy with long hair, was a mediocre high school track athlete who decided to declare trans so he could compete against girls. And all season long, he’s been wiping the floor with ’em. He’s even given interviews in which he boasts about how much better his ranking is since he stopped having to compete against males.

Wotta sport!

Last week, Ryan placed second in the 1,600-meter race at the CIF Meet of Champions (he would’ve won, but he stopped mid-race to flash the women behind him). Adeline Johnson, an actual girl who finished fourth (thus not advancing to the state championships) certainly didn’t feel like toasting Ryan with Mulvaney Budweiser. She gave a visible “thumbs down” from the medal podium, as Ryan stood next to her grinning like a guy who’s about to pull an “Izzard” in the girls’ locker room.

The meet attracted protesters who denounced the California Interscholastic Federation’s policy of allowing “athletes to participate in programs consistent with their gender most consistently expressed.”

According to the CIF, “I’ve been consistently saying I’m a girl since yesterday when I lost against other boys,” is all it takes to destroy the dreams of actual women.

Berkeley? Dublin? For female students in Alameda County, it’s a tough call.

By WD-40 flamethrower or tranny cheating, either way, they’ll lose face.

EARTH’S SALAD DAYS
Last week was a banner one for “climate change” alarmists.

Accent on the “ban.”

First, the French did what they do best and surrendered, in this case their air travel, banning all short domestic flights.

Now do international; Daft Punk are planning a world comeback tour.

Meanwhile, looks like somebody owes Ron an apaulogy.

Back when Ron Paul was making a splash in the 2012 GOP primary, a cadre of his superfans made a “splash” of their own by declaring that they’d discovered a foolproof way to fight the menace of “chemtrails,” the toxins, cleverly disguised as normal airplane contrails, spread through the skies by Illuminati Deep-State Elders of Zion for reasons yet to be established.

And what did these foolproofers discover? Chemtrails vanish if you spray vinegar at them!

In a series of viral videos, legions of Paulsamics took to their backyards and rooftops spraying vinegar at the sky to cleanse it of chemtrails.

“Scientists” laughed. But no more! You know the old saying: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then they join you because there’s huge money in stupidity.” Yes, scientists have discovered that vinegar fights “climate change” (a.k.a. “chemtrails for government-funded PhDs”).

Last week, “experts” published a study claiming vinegar can “slow down or potentially reverse climate change while providing economic benefits to the industry from the sales of acetic acid products.”

The study was funded by the vinegar industry. Big Vinnie strikes again!

Perhaps a series of joint outings can be organized between chemtrail fighters and climate change warriors, where both groups can assemble somewhere very far from the rest of us and douche the sky until mankind is saved.

CRUMPING HIS STYLE
As reported last week by Bloomberg, super-expensive private schools are facing an avalanche of lawsuits from parents upset that math, science, history, and literature have been traded for Trayvon, Floyd, Brown, and Neely.

Bloomberg profiled Jerome Eisenberg, who spends $50,000 annually to keep his kid in L.A.’s exclusive Brentwood School, which has now rebranded as an “anti-racist academy,” jettisoning lessons of value in favor of daily instruction in how cold fries equal genocide. Eisenberg accuses the school of an educational “bait-and-switch”; his suit is pending.

Jin-Hee Lee of the NAACP’s Legal Defense Fund told Bloomberg that Americans must face their history of violence toward blacks. Then a black guy burned her face off with a WD-40 flamethrower.

The Bloomberg piece laments that “civil rights attorneys” are increasingly having to defend against parental lawsuits over racial brainwashing. Ben Crump, who doesn’t so much chase ambulances as carjack them, wishes schools would just keep quiet about indoctrination, so parents don’t find out.

Interestingly, Crump has his own thing he keeps quiet about. Several years ago, he and his then partner Daryl Parks represented a black man who was paralyzed from the chest down during a nightclub fight (he grabbed a responding officer’s baton and was subsequently tackled by police and security). Parks, on his website, brags about the fact that he and Crump won so much money from that case ($4.9 million), “The city raised the amount of parking meter fees to help pay the compensation.”

On his website, Crump features the exact same anecdote word-for-word, but leaves off the parking meter part. Neither Crump nor Parks name the locale, because if the black residents learn that they be payin’ more for parking because Ben Crump extorted the city, the great civil rights defender might just find himself staring at a WD-40 flamethrower.

GUNFIGHT AT THE OY VEY CORRAL
CNN’s house akbar Christiane Amanpour is no fan of her network’s Donald Trump town hall. While giving a commencement speech to graduates of the Columbia (scare quotes) “Journalism School” (“good luck to the next generation of people who’ll ruin the life of some anonymous white guy caught on camera saying ‘nigger’”), Amanpour asserted that nobody should be allowed to “rant” on CNN unless their claims “reach the basic evidence level required in a court of law.”

Well, so long, Christiane! Good luck in your new job.

Because just a few days after her stunning and brave speech, Amanpour was forced to apologize on air for a claim that did not “reach the basic evidence level required in a court of law.” Last month, Amanpour reported on the cold-blooded murder of Israeli Jew Lucy Dee and her teenage daughters Maia and Rina, who were driving to a holiday retreat when they were ambushed and shot 22 times by Palestinian terrorists.

Amanpour, a.k.a. Intifada McGee, claimed that the mother and children were killed in a “shoot-out.” Which would mean an equal firefight on both sides, which is a lie (the mom and kids were unarmed). After a month of refusing to correct the record, last week “Yassma’am Arafat” finally admitted on air that she “misspoke.”

Outraged Israelis wondered how a reputable news org could employ someone who claimed that unarmed children were somehow equally matched against a squad of guerrillas with Kalashnikovs.

To which American whites replied, “Welcome to the party, putz.” After all, in the U.S. a 24-year-old black woman can murder an 8-month-old white baby, and the media will sympathetically report her defense: “The baby started it!”

Those are the rules these days. The darker the skin, the more your every act is “self-defense,” whether it be against teens in a car or a pugilistic baby who f—ed around and found out.

Meanwhile, if you have light skin and you actually do engage in self-defense, you’re Hitler.

CNN’s Trump town hall was an unwieldy, desperate ratings grab, but it has a long way to go to even be in the top hundred most foul excesses of that network.