Al Franken

Source: Wikimedia Commons

The Week’s Most Evil, Medieval, and Primeval Headlines

THIS WEEK’S HOLLYWOOD PERVERTS
For far too long, Hollywood has claimed to be the nation’s moral conscience. This is why it’s been so thrilling over the past few weeks to watch Hollywood stabbing itself to death.

This week brings another fresh crop of touchy-feely/rapey-gropey sex allegations lodged against celebrities. We will examine three new cases, all involving male perpetrators. All three also have something in common that is far less statistically likely than them all being male, but we are not at liberty to discuss exactly what that is because of, you know, World War II and everything.

Frog-faced former comedian and current Senator Al Franken has been one of the smuggest, smarmiest, slimiest, slappable burping amphibians on the left side of the dial for quite some time now. He has especially postured himself as a champion of women’s rights, which is why we are not surprised that he stands accused of forcing his wormy self upon a woman who is way, way, WAY out of his league.

According to former Maxim and Playboy model Leeann Tweeden, she and Franken were in the Middle East on a USO Tour in 2006 when Franken wrote a script that required them to kiss. Franken also insisted that they practice the kiss. In an essay titled “Senator Al Franken Kissed and Groped Me Without My Consent, And There’s Nothing Funny About It,” Tweeden recalls a highly unpleasant incident which, if everyone doesn’t calm down just a little bit, might lead to a new wave of pogroms:

He repeated that actors really need to rehearse everything and that we must practice the kiss. I said ‘OK’ so he would stop badgering me. We did the line leading up to the kiss and then he came at me, put his hand on the back of my head, mashed his lips against mine and aggressively stuck his tongue in my mouth. I walked away. All I could think about was getting to a bathroom as fast as possible to rinse the taste of him out of my mouth. I felt disgusted and violated.

It wasn’t until Tweeden returned to the USA that she discovered that while she was asleep on a plane, Franken had posed for this picture, grinning lasciviously as his paws reach toward her teats.

Franken has apologized and welcomed an investigation to the matter. But even The New York Times says he should resign.

On the Emmy-winning series Transparent, actor Jeffrey Tambor has received accolades for playing a man who thinks he’s a woman.

Here’s where it gets complicated.

Now this man who plays a man who thinks he’s a woman stands accused of sexually harassing two men who think they’re women and are in the process of having themselves surgically altered in order to enable this delusion.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, two MTF trannies claim that the septuagenarian thespian crossed boundaries that even men who pretend they’re women should never cross.

Series costar Trace Lysette—pictured here before and after “becoming” a woman—describes the reptilian Tambor’s behavior during filming one famous scene. Lysette says that when he entered the set wearing matching salmon-colored lingerie and short-shorts, Tambor said, “My God, Trace. I want to attack you sexually.” Then, when the scene was shot:

He came in close, put his bare feet on top of mine so I could not move, leaned his body against me, and began quick, discreet thrust back and forth against my body. I felt his penis on my hip through his thin pajamas.

Ew!

Another accuser, “a biological man who lives as a woman named Van Barnes,” avoided naming Tambor on Facebook but claimed that in between patting him inappropriately on the buttocks, a former employer said things such as “I should be sleeping with him if I want a Hollywood industry appropriate pay grade” and “it wouldn’t take long, he pops quick.”

You may remember that waddling warthog Lena Dunham—she called for the extinction of white males, falsely accused a “campus Republican” of raping her, and wrote fondly of fetching pebbles from her baby sister’s vagina.

Back in August, Dunham tweeted:

Things women do lie about: what they ate for lunch. Things women don’t lie about: rape.

Now she’d like to make an itty-bitty exception to that rule. Murray Miller, a writer and producer on Dunham’s HBO show Girls, has been accused of raping actress Aurora Perrineau when Miller was 35 and Perrineau was but a child of 17.

In a statement, Perrineau said:

At some point, I woke up in Murray’s bed naked. He was on top of me having sexual intercourse with me. I freaked out and was extremely upset and traumatized. At no time did I consent to any sexual contact with Murray.

This time around, Dunham is saying, well, yes, sometimes women do lie about rape—at least when the accused is both a coworker and a coethnic.

GOT $15? YOU CAN MEET A BLACK PERSON!
Hey, you! Do you have a sawbuck-and-a-half just burnin’ a hole in your pocket and you’ve just been itchin’ to meet a black person?

Unfortunately for you, the opportunity has come and gone. Last Thursday evening in the Atlanta suburb of Lawrenceville, a blackety-black organization called Urban Mediamakers hosted a “Come Meet A Black Person” event wherein curious white devils were permitted to shell out $15 for the privilege of minging with, and possibly even eating cornbread with, a black person.

According to an Englishman named Niall Mathieson—who paid for the white privilege of giving black people money for meeting them:

I am already passionate about integration. It was a no-brainer to be here…it’s a fantastic concept, I’m thinking on where it can go from here.

Where can it go from here? Well, for one, you could depart this mortal coil! But we agree with you—that was a real no-brainer of an event.

THEY RAPE PONIES, DON’T THEY?
We strongly suspect that even the globalist bankers who pull the EU’s strings and are intentionally using Muslim rubbing alcohol to dissolve the European national ties that bind didn’t expect that some of their refugees would start raping ponies at public children’s zoos.

But according to Berlin police, that’s exactly what happened on Friday, November 3 at the Kinderbauernhof (children’s farm) in the city’s Goelitzer Park.

When “shocked visitors” observed the bestial jihad occurring before their very eyes, one of them snapped a photo (links?…anyone?…please?) and alerted authorities. A 23-year-old Syrian man has been arrested and charged with “causing a public nuisance through sexual acts.”