The American Psychological Association, which seems acutely afflicted with the mental disorders peculiar to modern liberalism, offers “Guidelines to Reduce Bias in Language” and, because it’s absolutely and undeniably necessary, methods for “Avoiding Heterosexual Bias in Language.”

Movements are afoot to de-gender The Bible, the entire English language, and every language known to mankind“€”sorry, I meant every language known to humanity hupersonity.

God the Father and God the Son could not be reached for comment.

And in Sweden, where rape is everywhere yet little boys and girls don’t exist anymore“€”well, Sweden is fucking nuts. Or to put it another way, Sweden lost its nuts a long time ago and has been swallowed alive by an angry horde of barking vaginas.

Last week, a German university even had the balls ovaries to switch all “masculine-generic” language over to the female form.

Where will it end? Will Manhattan become Personhattan? Will MENSA morph into PERSONSA? Will we have to hire gender-indeterminate Negro scriveners to alter Lincoln’s Epersoncipation Proclamation? Once a month from here to eternity, will vagina-owning persons of child-bearing age endure the rigors of personstruation? For the sake of fairness and equity, will herpes change its name to hisorherpes?

Mind you, this is all part of “progress.” None of this is insane or trivial or reflective of people who are so hopelessly sheltered, they’d scream at the sight of their own gender-neutral shadow. It’s not as if they’re straining at gnats to swallow camels, and we must keep in mind at all times that the genitals of the gnats and camels in question simply do not matter.

Still, I suppose it’s only fair to expect that, at any given point in history, language should reflect the times. The problem is that the times suck. Sorry”€”the times “blow.” Oops! OK, the times apply their mouth to genitals of indeterminate configuration.