Duchess of Sussex

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This week sees the first anniversary of HM Queen Elizabeth II’s death on 8 September 2022 and provides an excellent opportunity to stop and reflect upon the many heartfelt tributes that poured in from around the globe as the sad news broke: tributes such as “I heard the chief monarch of a thieving raping genocidal empire is finally dying. May her pain be excruciating.”

This was the tweet of an Angry Black Woman (more on that particular trope—sorry, “archetype”—anon) named Dr. Uju Anya, a linguistics professor at Carnegie Mellon University. Of Nigerian descent, Anya was promptly invited onto the podcast This Week in White Supremacy by some other Angry Black Individuals to explain herself. Demonstrating her complete mastery of the language, the cunning linguist justified her outburst thus: “I said what I fucking said.” Yes, but why?

The Queen Is Dead
Heart-wrenchingly, Anya was “triggered” by news of QEII’s impending demise, “Due to my family experience with the rule of this monarch.” What had Liz ever done to them? Apparently, she had “supervised a government that sponsored the genocide that massacred and displaced half my family,” disadvantaging them to such an extent that Anya herself later ended up in the lowly position of a professorship at a leading U.S. university.

Anya was referring here to the Biafran-Nigerian Civil War of 1967–70, which, as the name suggests, was fought between two rival camps of highly violent black men who went around killing one another. If there was indeed any 1960s postcolonial genocide in Nigeria, therefore (and there was), it was self-inflicted, not perpetrated by nefarious white-skinned Agents of Elizabeth.

Naturally, Dr. Anya’s students defended their friendly on-campus indoctrinator, penning an open letter defending her right to “free speech and safety” and telling anyone who disagreed to shut up or else. But might her intemperate words not have been “triggering” to certain sensitive hearers who may have considered insulting the elderly dying to be a little tasteless?

Not at all, said the Junior Trots: “Rejecting calls for ‘civility’ that are frequently leveraged against the marginalized to silence dissent, we express our solidarity with Dr. Anya and reject the tone-policing of those with legitimate grievances.”

“As the letters of support from the students, faculty, staff and others in my university community clearly show, I am wanted and I belong here,” Anya triumphantly observed. Why does a black Nigerian belong in America, but a white Brit not belong in Nigeria? Surely both are equally ethnically out of place? Not to the mind of an Angry Black Woman.

Back to Black
Another Angry Black Woman with an issue with the late Queen is Meghan Markle, who, being a professional actress, is far better equipped than Dr. Anya to disguise her self-entitled rage at the world in a thin public veneer of smiles and fragrant, perfumed beatitude.

Some interesting comments were made about Princess Meghan—if indeed she is still a princess, it’s hard to keep up—recently by Sir Trevor Phillips, a relatively sane black man who formerly headed up Britain’s Equality and Human Rights Commission commissariat. According to Clever Trevor, due to her upbringing in a wealthy enclave in L.A., and racially ambiguous half-white appearance, Meghan had “never regarded herself particularly as black” before joining the Royal Family, and so “in a sense race was never really a part of her background.”

Compared with the Bloods and the Crips, Meghan looks positively Aryan. Stood next to Ginger Harry, however, she suddenly looks a bit more like Idi Amin in drag. Therefore, said Phillips, she now began to be spoken of as being black, being the first nonwhite in the Royal Line (even including Chocolate Queen Charlotte), and so “she had to learn how to be black on the job, as it were, and I think she made a bit of a mess of it.”

Did she? I think she’s doing pretty well, actually, if by “being black” you mean what that term has today now sadly come to mean in our post-BLM age: that is to say, perpetually playing the victim, blatantly baiting white people and spouting obscurantist leftist jargon to all-comers. In other words, acting like Dr. Uju Anya does, but in a much more media-savvy fashion.

All Her World’s a Stage
Contrary to Trevor Phillips’ assessment, it seems Meghan had actually been spending her entire professional career preparing to play whatever racial role suited her best. Head toward the ironically named brainyquotes website and, alongside other nuggets of Markleian wisdom (“While my life shifts from refugee camps to red carpets, I choose them both because these worlds can, in fact, co-exist. And for me, they must”), you can find an absolute panoply of telling statements about her apparent former exploitation of her racially ambiguous status to further her early Hollywood career. Examples:

“You push for color-blind casting; you draw your own box. You introduce yourself as who you [feel you] are, not what color your parents happen to be.”

“Being ‘ethnically ambiguous,’ as I was pegged in the industry, meant I could audition for virtually any role. Morphing from Latina when I was dressed in red to African-American when dressed in mustard yellow, my closet [was] filled with fashionable frocks to make me look as racially varied as an eighties Benetton poster.”

“There couldn’t possibly be a more label-driven industry than acting, seeing as every audition comes with a character breakdown: ‘Beautiful, sassy, Latina, 20s’; ‘African-American, urban, pretty, early 30s’; ‘Caucasian, blonde, modern girl next door.’ Every role has a label; every casting is for something specific.”

A cynic’s rough translation might be: “I’m white when it suits me, and black when it suits me otherwise. And, right now, post-George Floyd, it suits my interests best to be as black as outer space.” Indeed, so well does this newfound racial stance serve her interests, Meghan has recently been endorsed to stand as the next Democrat presidential candidate after her brother finally dies by Joe Biden’s sister and close adviser, Valerie Biden Owens—and, as an early supporter of Mr. Dead the Talking Corpse, Val certainly knows how to spot a future political titan.

The Archetype of an Arsehole
So, what specific racial role has this professionally trained actress now chosen to adopt? That of a female Nelson Mandela, judging by her delusional 2022 claims that blacks “rejoiced in the streets” of South Africa on the day she married Prince Harry upon the same scale as they once had on the day Nelson had been released from prison back in 1994. Personally, she reminds me more of Winnie Mandela than Nelson.

In one 2022 edition of her now-canceled (on the grounds that she was “a fucking grifter” with no talent, according to her old boss) Spotify podcast Archetypes, Meghan revealed the startling news that, according to genetic analysis, she was now “43 per cent Nigerian,” just like inner-city London.

In this particular episode, titled “Upending the Angry Black Woman Myth,” two Angry Black Women, Meghan and Nigerian-American comedian Ziwe Fumodoh, sat around being Angry and Black. Besides discussing with her guest why she had recently begun drinking coffee again (“It’s a great question, it’s a great question”), Meghan also expounded upon the history of Angry Blackness, which, it transpires, dates back even further than the time Whoopi Goldberg first experienced PMT.

Famously, Meghan was given the media nickname “Duchess Difficult” after some of her white slaves in the Royal Household spoke anonymously of being reduced to tears by her alleged temper tantrums, unreasonable demands, and bullying. Yet, on her podcast, Meghan claimed this stereotype (or “archetype,” as she pretentiously prefers) of a black woman being “overly emotional” somehow dates back to the days of slavery and is thus nothing more than a false racial myth.

Therefore, it was time for newly empowered black females like herself to finally be allowed to “try on what it feels like when we’re allowed to just live our truths” (re: to lie and dissemble) and “to be direct without being called angry, to exist on our own terms, to just be, to just be human.” For Princess Pushy, bullying was not bullying; it never now could be for a black woman. “You’re allowed [as a black woman] to set a boundary, you’re allowed to be clear,” said the Duchess of Sussex. “It does not make you demanding, it does not make you difficult. It makes you clear.”

Very Low Sussex Appeal
Meghan Markle is nothing but a photocopied doppelgänger of Dr. Uju Anya, but with the thespian guile to stick to a more ostensibly emollient script, rather than spouting open racially motivated bile at her enemies instead. So, rather than saying she hopes her onetime rival the Queen dies in agony, she instead made vague claims to Oprah Winfrey about racism in the Royal Household, thereby making herself look like the victim when handing out the insults rather than the perpetrator.

And, if anyone in public life dare criticize her for such methods, she then accuses the media of “inciting” racism against her to the extent she felt driven from Britain into a multimillion-dollar mansion Stateside, where she supposedly considered suicide with a silver fish-knife.

Then other Angry Black Women living in Britain—though not in Africa, strangely—jump on the bandwagon and agree, saying criticism of Meghan makes them “feel unsafe” as a direct consequence. “We’ve been nice. We’ve been very, very nice for however long,” said yet another Irate Igbo, YouTube presenter ZeZe Mills. “Now we are at that point where it’s like, no, our voices are going to be heard now and if it is uncomfortable for you then tough luck.” That is to say, your country belongs to us now, please just accept it. Pathetically, many white British people do.

Here’s a letter that appeared in The Guardian in 2022, following yet another confected Sussex race-row: “I couldn’t agree more with Prince Harry’s comment in the Netflix documentary series Harry & Meghan that unlearning racism is a lifelong journey. As a provincial 50-year-old white man, I only hope I live long enough.” I don’t. Meanwhile, a black British citizen wrote in as follows: “Harry and Meghan were wise to leave. For many people of color silently enduring this country, leaving is an unrealized dream.” It needn’t be. How much would you need for a one-way ticket to Mogadishu?

Meghan doesn’t need to learn how to be black anymore at all. With her perpetual whining, ingratitude, and hypocrisy, she has successfully mastered her new racial role to a T. All she needs to do now is shoot an innocent employee dead in her nearest branch of McDonald’s after receiving a portion of unacceptably cold fries and she’ll be all the way there!