How long have I been asleep that I woke up and suddenly the Alt-Right wants to go full Amish? When did they lose their sense of humor and get so frickin’ uptight? When did their comical irreverence get swapped out for an unintentionally comical reverence toward all things our forefathers deemed holy?

I realize that a lot of these whippersnappers are young and have short attention spans—call them “meme-impaired”—but whence cometh this seemingly sudden, undeniably hive-minded, and morally hysterical fixation on “degeneracy”? If you’re going to be a degenerate, isn’t your youth the best time to do it? Shouldn’t you at least wait until you develop arthritis to become a humorless, hectoring do-gooder?

That amorphous and ultimately indefinable group known as the Alt-Right and I share many interests and sentiments, but the thing I liked the most about them was their brash irreverence toward the reigning modern pieties. We all unfortunately inhabit a world where if you don’t agree that imaginary sins such as “sexism,” “racism,” and “homophobia” are the worst breed of moral failings, you are an evil person who deserves to be shunned at best and murdered at worst. Many elements of the Alt-Right were experts at gleefully and hilariously shitting all over such hyperbolic and moralistic delusions.

I stopped identifying as a leftist nearly three decades ago for two primary reasons: 1) the left’s main premises were counterfactual and ran purely on the fumes of raw emotion; 2) the formerly freewheelin’, free-lovin’, live-and-let-live left had become a viper’s nest of poisonously hysterical neo-Puritans who merely bartered old hang-ups about saying “tits” and “fuck” for new ones about saying “nigger” and “tranny” and “bitch.”

The left can’t be defended with facts because trannies aren’t women, the genders are biologically different, and due to evolution’s pesky implications, the races aren’t anywhere close to equal.

I suspect that since the facts aren’t favorable to leftists of the fanatical type, they revert to moral hysteria to prop up and enforce their narrative.

What I hate about leftists isn’t merely that they’re factually dead wrong—anyone with more than one brain cell knows that the idea of innate equality is preposterous—it’s that they became so drunk on their pretensions of moral irreproachability, they developed a malignantly entitled arrogance that sees fit to hector and needle and hurt anyone who offends them. At some point in the late eighties, they began reminding me of the bitter nuns in the early seventies who smacked me around in the name of an allegedly loving God. As I said in my latest book, the resolutely anti-Christian New Left had ironically morphed into The New Church Ladies.

That’s why it’s depressing to behold this creepy and humorless tilt toward puritanical “traditionalism” and endless moral outrage amid the brash young fash-wavers of the allegedly “new” right. Is there really much—or any—psychological difference between some pissed-off leftist who gets up on a digital soapbox to “call out” someone for refusing to date black people and some pissed-off neo-righter who “calls out” some “degenerate” for actually dating black people?

Both of you are chest-thumping, virtue-signaling porcupines who should mind your own business. From my vantage point, you both willfully inhabit a nightmare moral Panopticon where everything is done for the Hive and the Indisputable Greater Good it fraudulently claims to represent. In other words, you both sound like total drags, and neither one of you will be getting an Easter basket from me next year.

As I see it, the One True Path toward defeating leftist delusions and sanctimony is through reason and humor. Be logical and be irreverent—and for the love of Pete, because Pete’s feeling unloved—please dispense with the preachifyin.’ You don’t beat the New Church Ladies by resurrecting the Old Church Ladies.

You can beat the left without having to ape their out-of-control moralism. It’s easy—just stick to the facts. Instead of calling a tranny a “degenerate,” why not call them “fucked-up?” It’s not only more accurate, it will probably piss them off more. Tell them they have a mental problem. Hurt them where they can feel it. They may not believe in your ideas of God and sin, but due to the fact that they all seem to have psychiatrists who feed them pills like Ritz crackers to a monkey, they apparently believe that “mental illness” is real. If you call them a sinner or a degenerate, they’re just going to think you’re a Bible-thumping nut.