Source: Bigstock

It’s what you might call a full-body heckle.

Normally I would expect the internet to take care of this. Deranged rudeness usually gets taken down by million-hit retweeting, but in this case an actual congressperson is out there cheering on the hecklers and calling for more of it. Representative Maxine Waters of California has decided to activate the psycho button on people who are probably already on the edge by calling for all-out confrontation: “For these members of [Trump’s] cabinet who remain and try to defend him, they’re not going to be able to go to a restaurant, they’re not going to be able to stop at a gas station, they’re not going to be able to shop at a department store, the people are going to turn on them, they’re going to protest, they’re going to absolutely harass them until they decide that they’re going to tell the President, ‘No I can’t hang with you. This is wrong. This is unconscionable, and we can’t keep doing this to children.’”

When she said that, a chill ran down the spine of every Secret Service agent.

And yet there are educated people defending Waters, defending the Red Hen, defending the hecklers who stalk you at your home and follow you into restaurants. An article headlined “No, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Shouldn’t Be Able to Eat Dinner in Public” was published in Glamour magazine, and senior editor Mattie Kahn wrote, “[T]o share a meal with someone is, in a sense, to settle on a set of facts: This is a plate, this is a fork, this is a human…. Don’t pretend Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a normal customer or this was a normal meal.”

In other words, to let her eat in your restaurant would be to concede that she’s human.

Do I really need to add anything to that?

We have many ways to oppose public officials and unpopular policies. Writing a letter of protest would be one. (How quaint.) Speaking at a town hall meeting would be another. (Surely you’re kidding, Joe Bob.) If you’re so angry you can spit, maybe you’d like to file a class-action lawsuit. (Oh, right, who has time for that?) Sponsoring a candidate in the next election would probably be the clearest path to relief. (Joe Bob, you’re so naive.)

Yeah, you know what? You’ve convinced me. The best way to conduct democracy is to hunt these employees down, find their home addresses, follow them to lunch, get in their faces, terrorize them, and force them back into barricaded fortresses where they need around-the-clock security. Especially when there are no asshole-removers in sight.

Join Joe Bob as he hosts The Last Drive-In With Joe Bob Briggs, a 24-hour movie marathon streaming on Shudder starting at 9 p.m. EDT/6 p.m. PDT this July 13, 2018.

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