AUSTIN—Pretty soon now, I’m counting on it, somebody is gonna fly to Fiji, rent a bamboo villa that sits on stilts over the lapping waves hitting the pristine seashore, order a fruity drink in a coconut shell, stretch out on a veranda that juts out into an inlet where porpoises frolic and play, wait till the setting sun starts to disappear over the horizon, admire the soft orange glow over the Southern Pacific, and then not take a picture of it! I’m counting on that one person in the universe who either (a) doesn’t bring his phone everywhere he goes, or (b) doesn’t have a camera in ...
OKLAHOMA CITY—Maybe I’m naive about this, but I have to assume that anyone who gets elected to a state legislature, whether you’re in California or Alabama or Rhode Island, has been exposed at ...
TULSA, Okla.—I’ve been flipping through a website called Exposing Celeb Surgery. The goal of the publisher seems to be: humiliation. Here you have various models, actresses, influencers, YouTube ...
TAMPA—I dressed up as the Joker on Halloween and absolutely no one was scared. I didn't get kicked out of public places. I wasn’t suspected of being a serial killer on my way ...
ORLANDO—They’re calling it the Getty Fire, because it started up by Mulholland Drive just north of the Getty Museum, which sits on a precipice overlooking the San Diego ...
CLEVELAND—Investigation Discovery, the true-crime documentary channel, is running a promo for a new show hosted by a former federal prosecutor, Sunny Hostin, called Truth About ...
PHOENIXVILLE, Pa.—Let’s look on the bright side of the new 20-hour nonstop flight between New York and Sydney. Personally I don’t expect to ever be that desperate to get to ...
LOS ANGELES—It was David Lee Roth who ruined personal-appearance contracts for all time with his Brown M&M’s Clause in the ’80s. The story sounds apocryphal but it’s ...
DALLAS—So yesterday there was a headline in my newsfeed: SCIENTISTS CURE COMMON COLD It was the 85th link in my newsfeed, so I assumed it was some kind of advertising come-on ...
NEW YORK—I don’t mind it when you lie to me with marketing terms or puff me up with overblown predictions—I’m in show business, that’s what we do—but stop using these ...
GETTYSBURG, Pa.—So I was planning to write a cute little feature article about the guys in Silicon Valley warning us that the sex dolls of the future are programmed to hug you ...
RALEIGH, N.C.—The stand-up comedy stage is the last place where you can speak without a filter. Or at least I always thought so. People are bringing tape recorders into ...
NEW YORK—There’s a moment in the cult film Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2—we all remember that one, right?—when deranged serial killer Ricky Caldwell wanders through a ...
NEW YORK—As far as I can tell, there are six warring factions in the Leggings Wars. First come the “You’re Disgusting” people: Women should never wear leggings. Leggings ...
NEW YORK—Last week a $57 million movie flopped and the director apologized. He didn’t just apologize, he kind of humiliated himself publicly. This doesn’t ...
WILLIAMSBURG, Va.—I have this strong suspicion that the airlines are lying to us every time they say, “We have some weather ahead.” “Some weather ahead” means...a ...
Subscribe to Taki's Magazine for an ad-free experience and help us stand against political correctness.
Join NowSign up to receive posts
