And except for the fact that it’s a mobile-phone application, “Jew or Not a Jew” isn’t exactly breaking any new ground. Back in 1989, a Saturday Night Live sketch co-written by certified Jew Al Franken was called “Jew, Not a Jew” and played much the same game. Howard Stern, who despite his prominent proboscis claims to be only half-Jewish, regularly featured a game called “Guess Who’s the Jew” on both radio and TV. And since 2006, the website jewornotjew.com has played the “Who’s a Jew?” game with far more wit and panache than the new iPhone app. The site issues each celebrity a “Jew Score” based on three variables: “How Jewish they are internally, how Jewish they are externally and how much we want that person to be a Jew in the first place.” A post on the site’s Facebook page seems miffed at the publicity the new app is garnering and claims Johann Levy stole much of their data and 100 percent of their concept. It’s hard to argue: The mobile app’s “Random Jew” link performs exactly the same function as jewornotjew.com’s “Surprise Me!” tab—click on it, and up pops a new Jew for you to review.

In our long sojourns in the flame-war trenches, we’ve concluded there are two unrelentingly obsessive Internet personality types far more tedious than any other:

1) Those who blame Jews for everything.

2) Those who blame Jews for nothing.

One can never appease either such type without entirely condemning or completely absolving Das Juden, so our purpose, at least for today, is neither to blame the Jews nor to hold them blameless. For now, we’ll snooze on the Jews.

In this case, the fault lies clearly with the French. This is not the France of Napoleon Bonaparte or Charles Martel. Rather, this is a meek and sickly France that still feels guilty for colonizing Africa and Asia, that remains humiliated for rolling over like a submissive poodle and allowing Hitler all of three minutes to conquer it. The recent burqa ban seemed like a sign of hope until one realizes it was done in the service of feminism rather than national cohesion. This new France hauls drunken fashion fags before tribunals for making anti-Jewish statements and drags blonde sexpots into the Star Chamber for making unkind remarks about Muslims. Though France wasn’t liberated by Muslims or Jews in World War II, it’s apparently still legal to bash Americans until les vaches come home. En général, this is a France that has ceased being French in any admirable way.