The Week’s Most Peddling, Treadling, and Gold-Medaling Headlines ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAAAAAAAAAAN! It was the most blessedly brief “mismatched roommates” sitcom in history: a trillionaire book-burner, his ne’er-do-well sponge of a little brother, a Dutch teenager, and an old lady from ...
The Week’s Most Preening, Queening, and Juneteening Headlines INSERT BLACK PERSON HERE An odd theme running through last week’s news involved retroactively inserting black people where they’d not previously been. It’s as if the world has become Return of the Jedi, with white people as the ...
Another month brings another series of political, cultural, and demographic catastrophes for a planet which strains under the weight of its own well-intentioned but deadly naiveté. Despite the impenitently leftist mainstream media’s insistence that the short brown hordes headed like ants to ...
The Week’s Slimiest, Grimiest, and Hymiest Headlines MICHAEL MOORE: STILL WHITE, ANGRY, AND FAT Michael Moore is the most successful white lesbian documentarian of all time. He is also the most obese filmmaker in world history. An entire African country would be able to feed itself on his ...
The Week’s Most Squirmy, Wormy, and Germy Headlines SINEAD O’CONNOR IS NOW ISLAM’S PROBLEM Sinead O’Connor is a mentally ill bag o’ postmenopausal bones whose chief achievement is having a weird first name that reminds people of the word “skinhead.” For a fleeting moment she ...
In an ominous, landlocked, real-life version of the dystopian novel The Camp of the Saints, the refugees are coming en masse. They started as a group of 160. Within days there were ten times as many. As of this writing, an estimated 14,000 Central American migrants are walking in a caravan that ...
The Week’s Most Frenetic, Splenetic, and Apathetic Headlines ELIZABETH WARREN PROVES THAT RACE IS MORE THAN A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT By releasing her DNA results in order to claim undeniable proof of Injun heritage, far-left socialist harpy Elizabeth Warren has unwittingly proved what we’ve been ...
The Week’s Most Uxurious, Notorious, and Vainglorious Headlines IS HILLARY CLINTON PLOTTING A HOMICIDAL LEFTIST TAKEOVER? Although we cannot verify it, we suspect that Hillary Clinton may be responsible for more murders than any other human being alive. Not only are we certain that as ...
The Week’s Jazziest, Snazziest, and Spazziest Headlines KAVANAUGH CONFIRMED TO SUPREME COURT Despite the frenzied efforts of the Histrionic Left over the past few weeks to defame him as a serial gang rapist and possible baby-eater, Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice on ...
The Week’s Most Mundane, Inane, and Arcane Headlines TWICE AS MANY ILLEGALS IN USA AS PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT For the longest time—almost since Speedy Gonzales and the Frito Bandito ruled American pop culture—we’ve been hearing that there are a dozen million illegal Mexicans—sorry, ...
