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Ah, the most wonderful time of the year! In 2024 Christmas Day coincides with the first day of Hanukkah. And for you far-rightists, you know what that means: Christian children ripping open presents, Jews ripping open Christian children (the preceding was a paid message from the Candace Owens Institute of Jewish Baby-Eating Awareness, soon to be a Trump Administration cabinet-level think tank).

In honor of Christmas, no more politics! It’s too sacred a season to sully. No, instead I’ll finally get to my in-depth examination of why the “Angels of Death” episode of the 1970s British TV series The New Avengers demonstrates how showrunner Brian Clemens lost the thread that made the original series, especially the Emma Peel seasons, so iconic.

Steed and Purdey have been sent to the East German border to grab an informant who knows of Soviet mole Coldstream’s secret cabal of beautiful evil nurses. The informant rams the crossing in a truck, sending the guards flying. He runs to greet Steed, but Coldstream’s hiding behind a tree and…

Oh, hold on…I’m getting a call from Takimag HQ…

Fired? No, of course I wouldn’t want that. Okay…okay…agreed.

So as I was saying, there’s no better time to talk politics than Christmas.

Politics aaaaaaaand…SATAN!

Nick Land is a far-right philosopher occultist who’s into pentagrams and “xenodemons.” Real ooga-booga bullshit. Apparently he’s quite popular, because even I’ve heard of him, but that’s only because he won’t stop doing naked moonlight altar sacrifices in the park near my house (Nick, at least when Jews do that stuff, we keep our voices down).

But as I said, Land’s very popular. Elon Musk retweeted him last week (Elon’s like Tarantino; always trying to out-audacious himself. “I’ve done the Nazi bit…what’s next-level? Oh yeah, Satanism!”).

I’m old enough to remember when rightists were annoying because they were always coming at you with crosses and Bibles. Now that it’s all covens and Baphomet, I’m nostalgic for the old days.

You know how hard it is to make Pat Robertson look like the better option?

Nice effort, Nick and Elon.

I’m being facetious, of course. But only slightly. Nick really is super into occultism. But he writes about more than that. In fact, he’s written about me a few times, always with the highest praise…

Nick: “Hail Satan and Cole!”

Me: “Hey, why is my name second?”

He’s always been quite complimentary toward me (to the extent that I quoted him in one of my Substacks), and I’ve never had a bad word to say about him.

Praise my work, and I don’t care if you’re Astaroth; you’re gettin’ an extra doughnut on that altar tonight, buddy.

I don’t read Nick, because I don’t understand a fucking word he says. He has his own language, like Jared Loughner without the mass shooting part. But people do send me his tweets that mention me, and on Nov. 13 Nick tweeted my postelection wrap-up column, along with a brief commentary:

“[The GOP] will see last week’s sweep as a victory brought about by those wonderful young Nazis and gas-chamber deniers on Twitter.” —Cole at his most delusional.

Delusional, says the Satan guy.

What I was outlining in the paragraph Nick quoted was the worst possible move the GOP could make postelection. I outlined the smart move and I outlined the dumb move. Nick is quoting the dumb move. And to fear that the GOP will make the dumb move is hardly delusional.

Nick interprets politics via a series of incredibly byzantine, convoluted symbols and Lovecraftian codes…something called the “numogram” (not to be confused with the numanumagram). It’s like Kabbalah, but for MAGAs.

Maggalah.

Me? I interpret politics via having been a part of it for 37 years. I like to speak plain; it’s why I cuss. Keeps me grounded. I use Occam’s razor to filter my ideas; Nick uses a Krazy Straw.

To each his own.

After every election, two things inevitably occur: On the losing side, the extremist loons whose unpopular views were a drag on the candidate will refuse to accept blame. Instead, they’ll say, “You should’ve pushed our issue harder! It’s not that we contributed to your loss; it’s that the candidate, by not fully embracing our issue, alienated the masses!”

You can see that right now in the Kamala postmortems coming from the left. She was too MODERATE! She didn’t publicly, vocally, go ALL IN on trannies, open borders, police defunding, and prison abolition. If she’d only done that, she’d be president-elect.

I’m not kidding; that’s what far-leftists are saying. In California, the biggest loser was “soft on crime.” So how are soft-on-crime advocates responding? “We represent the majority of voters, so Dems need to go harder on the issue next time!”

Even though soft on crime was trounced statewide in a landslide.

And I’m the delusional one?

Now, that’s on the losing side. On the winning side, every extremist, nutcase, and grifter will want to take credit for the win. Hell, just last week Jeremy Boreing touted how he and Ben Shapiro were the ones who beat Harris with their “change the culture” movies.

Yeah, shitty paywalled films starring Nick Searcy and Kevin Sorbo in cowboy hats won the election.

Plus, I have it on good authority that Boreing’s toupee voted Harris. Wigs don’t want tariffs on foreign textiles.

Prior to the election, Poso (or was it Cerno? Like it matters) claimed he had a MASSIVE BOMBSHELL he was gonna drop that would take Harris/Walz out even before the 5th. The “bombshell” never came, but when Kamala lost, Poso/Cerno was like, “I did it! I’m a hero!”

So yes, the dark side of MAGA and Musk—the Nazis, Holocaust deniers, and Alex Jonesians (the true delusionals)—will try to take credit. That’s just how these things work. And knowing as I do how many weak-minded people are in GOP leadership and influencer positions, one cannot say that, without a strong countereffort, those easily led numbsacks won’t actually start to think, “Hey, maybe there is a future in the party for Candace Owens and her warnings about Jews drinking baby blood.”

As I wrote in the piece Nick tweeted, “Don’t laugh; the Wilks brothers (the Texas fracking barons behind Daily Wire and PragerU) were already trying to bring Nazis into the fold pre–November 5th.”

Obviously, an opposite outcome is also possible: A victorious GOP wisely embraces the issues that really won the day, like immigration and crime, and abandons the brief Nazi flirtation like a summer fling with Eva Braun.

I talk about these things not to be “delusional” but because I don’t trust any of the people involved to make the right decisions. So I’m compelled to hector regarding the outcomes that could destroy the current momentum.

Last week the NY Post quoted a Senate Democrat who admitted that his party blew it on two issues: immigration and crime.

He gets it. And it amazes me that some of you, who’ve spent the past eight years bitching about how GOP party leaders are “weak” and “stupid,” now have all the faith in the world that they’ll take the message of November 5th smartly.

Me? I’ve no faith in the party to make the right call or, for that matter, in MAGA to do the same.

This was not a win but an opportunity. What happens now is all that matters. So I do my best to advise what not to do. Don’t let euphoria lead you to declare, “We’re invincible! Time for Unite the Right II!” Rather, be thoughtful and resolve to not repeat the errors that followed 2016.

Why not reflect on these words spoken by Tucker Carlson (in between attacks from the demons Nick Land conjured) in 2021?:

California matters, and not just because it’s our biggest state. What happens there is, at some point, almost certain to happen where you live. Find a national trend that didn’t begin in California. There may be some, but there aren’t many. If you want to know the future, or if you want to prevent it, look west.

Of course he meant “most populous” state, not “biggest,” but it’s Tucker so, close enough.

You can take those massive tough-on-crime wins in California one of two ways:

The retarded way: “Gyook gyook them liburrels dun fucked up and now they’ze wised up? Fuck ’em, I don’t care.”

Or the smart way: “If tough on crime is that powerful that it wins a trendsetting blue state, that’s some powerful kryptonite against the left in swing states.”

And you’ll need that kryptonite because Trump’s first term was hobbled by losing the House in 2018 thanks to Bannon’s “brilliant” plan to run wacky candidates.

Do it smarter this time. Put the cartoon frogs and WOODEN DOORTHS away, stop following wacky shit on X (vote with your feet, dude. If they don’t get the views, they do get the message), and stop being wacky yourselves.

For example, can we send the “fuck Bevurlee Hills” tweets the way of the Holocaust denial tweets? Can we stop that shit? Are you people capable of doing that?

November 5th, north Beverly Hills went for Trump as expected, as it did in 2016 and 2020. But this time the numbers were especially strong:

BH precincts north of Wilshire Boulevard:

82% Trump, 18% Harris
63% Trump, 33% Harris
67% Trump, 30% Harris
61% Trump, 37% Harris

Even south BH, which went for Biden four years ago, went for Trump this time. Precincts south of Wilshire:

49% Trump, 48% Harris
54% Trump, 42% Harris

Only the two small precincts between Wilshire and Olympic, the section with paint-peeling rent-controlled apartments housing ancient Ashkenazis who sucked Eugene Debs’ dick in 1925, went for Harris:

37% Trump, 58% Harris
45% Trump, 50% Harris

But here’s where it gets interesting. Beverlywood and Cheviot Hills, the two ritzy neighborhoods that look like BH but are technically on the L.A. side of Pico, both went for Trump.

East Beverlywood/Pico Robertson: 52% Trump, 43% Harris
West Beverlywood/Cheviot Hills: 54% Trump, 42% Harris

Even the L.A. Times’ deputy managing editor Shelby Grad was forced to admit that “Trump did well in some interesting areas. Jewish strongholds in Beverly Hills/Pico Robertson/Beverlywood/Cheviot Hills.”

Yes, because these are the beautiful, greenbelt, kid-friendly neighborhoods where Dems decided to put a shelter for homeless schizos (I wrote about that a few months ago).

So stop being delusional about these communities, MAGA. Enough with the “BEVURLY HILLS IS LIBURRAL HOLLYWEIRD COMMIES!” tweets. I know those tweets feel good, but just because something feels good doesn’t mean you should do it (or did we learn nothing from David Carradine?). Understand the power of the crime issue and use it. You’ve gyook-gyooked enough. Now grow up.

You’ve achieved, fair and square, a most unlikely and improbable second chance. And you can either make the best of it, or the worst.

So can your leaders.

You all need to be smart about it.

These choices are yours to make, not mine.

Please make the right ones.