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I have a question for MAGA following Trump’s blowout victory against a cackling cretinous curry-stained flesh-and-blood Thalia mask: How could it have happened?

According to the rule you’ve lived by for four years, a rule that made you storm the Capitol, assault cops, destroy property, and, in some cases, die yourselves, trampled under the feet of your imbecilic cohorts, Trump’s victory not only shouldn’t have happened but couldn’t have happened.

The Deep State’s in full control, no? It can steal any election.

Right?

However you envision this “higher power,” whatever identity you assign to “they” (“Deep State,” “CIA,” “the Jews,” “the Frankists”), they can steal any election as easy as Daquan steals a box of cigarillos from Baghwan’s minimart.

But Trump won in a landslide. His victory was declared by midnight on Election Day. It was fast, it was a swing-state sweep, it was indisputable.

Yet according to your worldview, which you adhered to with such conviction that you beat and bear-sprayed cops, Trump’s victory should not have been possible. Anything “they” did in 2020 “they” could certainly do again, and better, in 2024. MAGA won zero post-2020 court victories to restrain “them.” Indeed, the opposite happened; every MAGA who tried to fight “them,” from the Kraken whore to the Pillowman to Lin Wood to that pathetic husk of a former giant named Giuliani, lost, went bankrupt, went to prison, got indicted, or was in some way hobbled.

“They” were just as, if not more, powerful in November 2024 than they were in November 2020.

So how could Trump have possibly won so decisively?

Have you considered that maybe you’ve been wrong this entire time? That Biden really did win in 2020? That to whatever extent the Dems “cheated” it was by taking advantage of perfectly (though lamentably) legal pandemic voting regs, things the GOP could’ve manipulated too? Perhaps voters really did strike out in anger against the guy in charge during Covid and BLM, the man who tweeted “law & order” 200 times like that would stop the rioting, the man who fawned over Fauci.

What if Trump really did lose in 2020, and now the voters, having acted in haste during Covid, have corrected course? What if everything’s fully explicable with no need for conspiratorial bullshit? What if all the grief you’ve put everyone through, from J6 to the “fake electors” scam to the drift toward utter insanity about Rothschilds drinking baby blood, what if all of it was unnecessary?

Are you sorry? Are you even slightly contrite for the cult of ignorance you birthed and succored? Or are you gonna pretend it never happened? Are you gonna accept the victory and act like you haven’t spent the past four years crying and wailing and making life miserable for everyone else with your horseshit about killer Venezuelan voting machines and haunted drop-boxes?

I doubt that a single one of you will ever admit error, because to do so would mean admitting that you wasted the country’s time and shot yourselves in the foot (from Tucker fleeing Fox following the Dominion lawsuit to hundreds of MAGAs landing in prison for your J6 escapades…your cult claimed Jay Johnston—and I loved Jay Johnston—all for nothing.

You boobs.

You fucking boobs.

So explain to me how “they” allowed such a decisive victory for Trump on the 5th. Because, with whatever small impact I may have in the rightosphere, banned by Musk, banned by Amazon, banned by YouTube, I will use my nebbishy voice to never let you forget the rule you’ve now abandoned as though you never held it.

You’re gonna have to answer for your cult. You’re gonna have to explain, if there’s indeed a “they,” how and why “they” allowed this decisive victory.

Maybe one or two of you might get introspective and renounce the psychosis, the brain rot you nurtured, a psychosis encouraged by your God-King, who, I think we all now realize, could’ve accepted the 2020 results with grace and saved a lot of people a lot of misery.

There’ll be a segment of MAGA that will never renounce the rot. We saw this already with Naziboi Nick Fuentes, who made the point—and admit it, MAGA, this is the logical response that anyone with a J6 mindset would proffer for the sake of intellectual continuity—that Trump must be a bad guy, one of “them,” a Jew-controlled Frankist baby-eater, because if he weren’t, there’s no way “they” would’ve let him win.

Makes sense, right? If “they” are all-powerful Moloch-worshipping Christ-slaying Satanist pedos with half of D.C. willingly in their corner and the other half strong-armed into their corner via blackmail courtesy of the “Epstein and Diddy files,” then the fact that “they” let Trump win so decisively must mean that “they” approve of Trump and control him.

C’mon, MAGA, don’t run from your beliefs. According to you, “they” are all-powerful. Therefore, “they” must have greenlit Trump’s victory.

Be a man, MAGA. After all, you’re ALPHAS who deadlift weights and bitches. So be a chad and stand by your worldview.

Or, you know, be a human and admit that you were wrong. You weren’t the alpha but the bitch, emotional little dandelions so upset by Trump’s 2020 loss that you let some fast-talking shifty-ass hucksters convince you that green goblins and killer voting booths were casting spells and that’s why you lost.

Spookity-spookity ghosties were terrorizing you.

There’s zero accountability, zero responsibility, on your part.

How very feminine. How beta.

Okay, I’m being mean.

Look, MAGAs, I myself birthed a cult. Thirty-three years ago, in good faith, I said things about the Holocaust, some accurate, some not, but nothing spoken with malintent, and now, there’s a global cult of the dumbest, most foul humans on earth who revere my early-1990s work while refusing to read a single word I wrote from 1994 onward, when I realized my errors.

This cult haunts me. I’d like nothing more than to kill it. But instead, Elon Musk boosts the cult while banning me from speaking against it.

Honestly, folks, there’s no shame in admitting error. And MAGA should do that now. Kill your cult, the “Moloch and the Jews and the Deep State stole 2020” cult. You were wrong. Many of you—most, likely—had only the best of intentions, but you were wrong. Apologize to the Capitol police. Apologize to your fellow Americans. And learn from your mistakes.

Of course, you and I both know that ain’t gonna happen. The madness of “stop the steal” will be memory-holed by the right.

Introspection’s for faggots, after all. And you’re ALPHAS!

But take these words from a guy who spawned a cult of stupidity that bedevils him daily: You will not be able to run from your monster. The tens of thousands of Jew-hating, Holocaust-denying cretins empowered by Musk as “allies” will turn on you. Because, insane as they are, they won’t abandon the holy writ: Trump could not have won had he not sold out to “them.”

Oh, sure, you’re all having fun right now in the euphoria of the big win…blue-collar MAGA boomers breaking bread with Zoomer “Holohoax noticers.” But you’ll be at odds real soon; I’ll bet my house on it. Trump II will underwhelm, and half of you will defend him, while half of you will say, “See? He cucked out to THA JEWS!”

Musk, an indecent man, will never enforce Twitter ToS against violent hate speech. But soon enough he’ll likely bring down the banhammer once the breakaway cultists start hammering Trump as a Jew-loving Frankist baby-blood-drinker. Musk allows ordinary Jews to be defamed as baby-eaters, but he will not allow his best buddy to be similarly libeled.

And the rest of you? To echo a point I made last week, I’m not sure you can adjust to no longer being victims. MAGA has always been the right/white version of ghetto Daquan. You can give Daquan an unearned admission to a university, an unearned diploma, an unearned job, an unearned promotion, an unearned loan, and unearned loan forgiveness, but he’ll still say, “Life be unfair and everyone be against me.”

MAGAs have spent the past four years weeping about how they’re victims, how BLM is treated better. “BLM gets to riot and they don’t even get prosecuted, while we have one tiny little deadly riot at the Capitol, beat up a couple dozen cops, and we’re hunted like criminals! BLM gets a billion dollars and celebrity support and Kamala’s bail fund and poor little old us, we get nothing but the worms we eat because nobody likes us everybody hates us.”

But look at things now. All those BLM billions were embezzled by elephantiasis-thighed weave-wearing stank gorgons who spent the dough on mansions and luxury cars. Ordinary “street blacks” saw not a cent. And now even the bluest of cities and counties, from San Fran and Oakland to L.A. and Portland, have kicked Soros to the curb and reversed his “progressive prosecution” insanity, as Biden and Harris hid from their “defund the police” 2020 rhetoric while mainstream Democrats went into 2024 screaming “FUND THE POLICE!” because they knew that their only hope of winning was to bury a relic of 2020 that’s as toxic as “six feet apart.”

Meanwhile, you, MAGAs, stormed the Capitol in the single worst case of poor losership in American history, and yet you just WON the presidency and you’re back in power now.

You’ve spent four years going, “Poor us; BLM gets all the love while we get pissed on.”

I doubt you can adjust to realizing that, in the end, you actually came out ahead. You’ve grown too comfortable as noble losers. Recasting yourselves as winners buckles fortune on your back; now you have to produce.

Daquan got Affoymative Akshuned into Harvard, and now his professor wants him to write a term paper.

What’s easier? Writing an intelligent, sourced, and compelling paper? Or just saying, “I’ze still be a victum an’ you’ze be oppressin’ me”?

I’m unconvinced that MAGA will be able to eschew the victim thing. What I predict will happen is that roughly half of MAGA will remain forever Daquan and subconsciously revel in every Trump policy defeat or inaction because it’ll give them the ability to still be “da victum,” while the other half of MAGA will actively rebel by casting Trump as one of “them,” a tool of the conspiracy, and Twitter will become nothing but boomer MAGAs fighting Nazi MAGAs over whether President Trump is being victimized by “them” or whether President Trump is one of “them” and how there’s no solution other than national divorce/ethnostate/physical removal of JEWS!

But hey, it’s likely that Trump will bring back “remain in Mexico,” and equally likely that he’ll deport a few Haitians.

And hell, that’s one thing we can all agree on. Nazis, boomers, and beaners alike, we can all agree that Haitians suck.

Common ground! Hooray for us.

Congrats on your improbable victory, MAGA. Now grow the fuck up.