He has accomplished the almost unimaginable feat of making Israel even more hated by its geographical neighbors than it was before he started mucking up the sandbox. Since he reassumed his grip on the Golden Israeli Pony’s reins as prime minister in 2009, he’s soured relations with Turkey, Qatar, and the UAE. And no one knows better than he does that when the sand finally settles from the Arab Spring, he’ll start getting choked from all sides by the hostile Islamic boa constrictor surrounding him.

He’s also alienated his presumed friends in the West, or at least that part of the West still willing to do his fighting for him. Earlier this year German Chancellor Angela Merkel reportedly upbraided him: “You are the one who disappointed us. You haven’t made a single step to advance peace.” Earlier this month, reporters at the G20 summit in France overheard Obama and Nicolas Sarkozy kvetching about him, too. “I cannot stand him. He’s a liar,” Sarkozy allegedly said, unaware his mic was hot. Obama’s response was classic: “YOU’RE fed up with him? I have to deal with him every day!” It was almost as if he’d said, “YOU think she’s a bitch? Try sleeping with her every night!”

King Bibi even felt entitled to define what the Obama Administration’s two main objectives should be—“preventing Iran from gaining nuclear weapons” and some casual aside about fixing the economy.

As if all that was insufficiently annoying, he is now, through an ad campaign produced by his Ministry of Immigrant Absorption, guilt-tripping American Jews for not being Jewish enough—or not Israeli enough. Or not nearly quite as Semitic as they ought to be. It’s all so confusing.

The ads have been placed on TV in five American cities. In one 30-second spot,  an over-Americanized Jewish girl breaks her Israeli Grandpappy and Grandmammy’s hearts by saying it’s Christmas instead of the correct answer, which is Hanukkah. (Since this article was first published, the video has been removed by YouTube and Netanyahu is now claiming the campaign was released without his authorization. We suspect it’s only a matter of time before the second video gets yanked, too, so watch it while you can. —Ed.)

In the following ad, a likewise over-Americanized doofus boyfriend mistakenly thinks his girlfriend wants a romantic night together with him instead of what she actually wants to do— which is what any loyal Jewish woman would do—sit in front of her laptop and cry about the Israeli war dead:

The commercials’ message is clear: In order to be a True Blue Jew, get your tuchis back to Israel. There’s even an Israeli government website that will show you how to apply for citizenship on your mobile phone.

Bibi realizes he’s painted himself into a corner with his paranoia about existential threats, so he’s crying out for fellow tribespersons to come keep him company. Come back to the homeland so we can all get pushed into the sea together. We have no doubt this cabbage-faced serial prevaricator is shvitzing something fierce right about now. But it’s hard for us to shvitz even one drop of sweat on his behalf. His very existence conjures the squirmy question of whether it’s possible for Jews to cause anti-Semitism.

He is Jewish, right? Shouldn’t he at least be funny? Surely the Jews could have picked someone more charming than this.