The Week’s Most Neurotic, Narcotic, and Sclerotic Headlines
DON KING: “THE WHITE WOMAN” SHOULD VOTE FOR TRUMP
Legendary boxing promoter Don King is known for his colorful language, wild hair, and the fact that he once stomped a man to death. On Wednesday at a church in Cleveland, he endorsed Donald J. Trump for president.
As Trump sat behind him smiling with the infinite wisdom and unparalleled compassion of a Nordic deity, King urged white women and minorities to vote for the GOP nominee:
You’ve got to understand what I’m trying to say to you is that the white woman—and I put it in this kind of [words] so you understand what I’m saying—the white woman and the slave, the people of color, when the system was created, they did not get heard….The white woman did not have the rights, and she still don’t have the rights….And people of color don’t have their rights—those are the ‘left-outs.’…[Trump] said we will create a whole new system, we will take this system apart. Everybody should jump on it—especially black people and the white woman—because they both have been excluded and they are considered inferior and old property.
At no time during his oration did King specify the name or identity of “the white woman” in question. We suspect it is either Rosie O’Donnell or Megyn Kelly.
King—who had been scheduled to speak at July’s Republican National Convention until Pee Wee Herman lookalike Reince Priebus nixed the idea—also delighted the audience and the world at large by using the word “Negro” five times and an even more horrible word once:
I told Michael Jackson, I said, ‘If you are poor, you are a poor negro.’…I would use the N-word. But if you are rich, you are a rich negro. If you are intelligent, intellectual, you’re an intellectual negro. If you are a dancing and sliding and gliding nigger—I meant negro—you’re a dancing and sliding and gliding negro.
Thank you, Don King, for doing your part to help Donald Trump dance, slide, and glide into the White House this November.
The week’s biggest news story repeats the same racially insane scenario from Milwaukee over the summer—a black cop shoots and kills an armed black man, then black rioters burn the city and randomly attack white people while a black police chief begs for peace.
This time the “protesters” were in Charlotte, NC, although many of those arrested in the mayhem appear to be from out of state.
The visibly upset brother of shooting victim Keith Lamont Scott is on camera blaming white people and white cops for the fact that a black cop shot his brother:
I just know that all white people are fucking devils. All white cops are fucking devils, and white people.
White Republican North Carolina Congressman Robert Pittinger told the BBC that the rioters were jealous of whites:
They hate white people because white people are successful and they’re not. I mean, yes, it is, it is a welfare state. We have spent trillions of dollars on welfare, and we’ve put people in bondage so they can’t be all that they are capable of being.
Pittinger was forced into giving a public apology. Keith Lamont Scott’s brother wasn’t.
BRADLEY MANNING GETS CLEARANCE FOR SEX CHANGE, ATTEMPTS SUICIDE
Shortly after being imprisoned for leaking military documents, the traitorous and mentally unstable Army soldier named Bradley Manning announced that he was a chick named Chelsea Manning. Papers such as The New York Times defy objective reality by referring to Manning using feminine pronouns.
On September 13 Manning’s lawyer announced that the Army has granted his request to proceed with gender reassignment surgery, whereupon Manning ceased his super-dramatic hunger strike and said, “This is all I wanted—for them to let me be me.” But on Saturday it was revealed that Manning will spend two weeks in solitary confinement for a suicide attempt in early July.
If you think any of this sounds nuts, that is clearly because you suffer from a mental illness known as transphobia.
BASEBALL TEAM ACCIDENTALLY SENDS ANTI-SEMITIC TWEET
Baseball’s San Francisco Giants briefly became the San Francisco Anti-Semites last week when someone in charge of their Twitter account accidentally hate-tweeted the following:
Mr. Bumgarner gets KKKike for the third time tonight
The unnamed tweeter had meant to say that Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner had struck out LA Dodgers outfielder Enrique Hernandez—whose nickname is “Kiké”—three times, with “K” being baseball shorthand for a strikeout. Instead they screwed up and referenced the Klan while using a virulent anti-Jewish slur, which led Giants management to apologize to Jewish people but not Klansmen.
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