The Week’s Most Nationalistic, Chauvinistic, and Voyeuristic Headlines
TRUMP INVADES POLAND
Poland is a proud nation in Eastern Europe which has endured endless invasions and centuries of suffering. This is why Poles, unlike the fatally naÃ¯ve soft weenies of the Anglosphere, realize that communism leads to poverty and Islam is a threat to the country’s national identity.
President Donald J. Trump”who is widely accused of being a cretin yet miraculously was able to emerge victorious after both major political parties and the entire mainstream media attempted to cock-block his entry into the White House”visited Poland last week, where he spoke before a thunderously happy crowd of thousands who kept interrupting his speech to chant his name. Trump was greeted warmly by the Polish president as well as the female president of Croatia, who appeared to be feverishly lubricating at the very sight of him.
As the throngs of adoring Polacks hung on his every word, Trump delivered an oration titled “The West Will Never Be Broken“:
The fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive. Do we have the confidence in our values to defend them at any cost? Do we have enough respect for our citizens to protect our borders? Do we have the desire and the courage to preserve our civilization in the face of those who would subvert and destroy it? We can have the largest economies and the most lethal weapons anywhere on Earth, but if we do not have strong families and strong values, then we will be weak and we will not survive….
Our freedom, our civilization and our survival depend on these bonds of history, culture and memory. And today, as ever, Poland is in our heart, and its people are in that fight.
Just as Poland could not be broken, I declare today for the world to hear that the West will never, ever be broken. Our values will prevail, our people will thrive, and our civilization will triumph.
(We will now pause while the readers applaud wildly.)
Naturally, the irredeemably Trump-hostile press was horrified about the president’s statements. Writing in the New Republic, Jeet Heer“a solid frontrunner for the title of Ugliest Man Alive”labeled Trump’s speech as “alt-right” and accused him of trying to rally “An International Brotherhood of White Grievance.” In The Atlantic, Peter Beinart correctly stated that “The West is a racial and religious term” but said Trump’s speech “only makes sense as a statement of racial and religious paranoia.”
Even though Trump singled out Poland’s Jews for praise in his speech, many Polish Jews kvetched that he failed to visit the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Memorial like so many obedient presidents before him. And Sarah Palin was falsely accused of using a Nazi slogan because falsely accusing people of being Nazis is hip, trendy, and risk-free these days.
CNN THREATENS TO UNMASK ANONYMOUS TROLL BEHIND TRUMP VIDEO
After Donald Trump tweeted a video meme of himself body-slamming someone with a CNN logo in place of a head, the news network whose coverage of him has been 93% negative cried foul and accused him of creating a climate of violence toward the American press.
Despite endlessly desperate and hysterically flailing attempts over the past seven months, CNN has failed to provide one pubic hair’s worth of evidence that Trump colluded with Russia to hack the election. However, it took them only a few hours to find the anonymous contributor on Reddit.com who came up with the video meme in the first place.
Last Tuesday, the user, one HanAssholeSolo, issued an apology on Reddit that might set a new world record for groveling:
I would…like to apologize for the posts made that were racist, bigoted, and anti-semitic. I am in no way this kind of person, I love and accept people of all walks of life and have done so for my entire life. I am not the person that the media portrays me to be in real life, I was trolling and posting things to get a reaction from the subs on reddit and never meant any of the hateful things I said in those posts….I love people of all races, creeds and origins. One of my best friends is a homosexual and one of my best friends is Jewish and one of my best friends is Muslim.
While denying that it coerced HanAssholeSolo into an apology with a threat to reveal his identity and thus ruin his life, CNN added that it “reserves the right to publish his identity should any of that change.”
Some have speculated that what irked CNN’s top brass was not the Trump video, but a graphic that HanAssholeSolo had posted which revealed that the network was disproportionately staffed by members of a very tiny but very influential American minority. In 2010, CNN reporter Rick Sanchez was fired for noticing the exact same thing.
SOUTH AFRICAN COURT RULES THAT “FUCK WHITE PEOPLE” IS NOT “HATE SPEECH”
Dean Hutton is a white South African male who looks like a morbidly obese diesel dyke. He recently performed an art installation”or installed an art performance, we”re not sure how these things work”that showed him scowling while clad in a suit covered in the phrase FUCK WHITE PEOPLE and sitting in front of a wall mural that also said FUCK WHITE PEOPLE.
A description of Hutton’s asinine art project states that “this provocation is here to make you feel that “white pain”.” He said he also wants whites to “Learn to fuck the white in you, too.”
South African law forbids “hate speech” thusly:
no person may publish, propagate, advocate, or communicate words based on one or more of the prohibited grounds, against any person, that could reasonably be construed to demonstrate a clear intention to-
(a) be hurtful;
(b) be harmful or to incite harm;
(c) promote or propagate hatred.
However, the law also provides a hate-speech loophole if the court determines that the accused was merely exercising “bona fide engagement in artistic creativity.”