Source: Shutterstock

The Week’s Most Antithetical, Heretical, and Asymmetrical Headlines

ABUSING MUSLIMS IN PUBLIC
Last week across this wonderful, bounteous, and sun-spackled land that we pretend is a nation, Americans were charged with committing crimes against Muslims. In each of the following cases, the criminal charges included hate-crime enhancements, because as everyone knows, our precious Constitution explicitly forbids hating Muslims, and our cherished Bill of Rights recommends extra jail time if you hate someone while committing a crime against them.

A 50-year-old female employee of the California Department of Corrections was arrested with battery on park property and violation of civil rights“€”the latter being the “hate crime” charge”€”after she was videotaped yelling at a Muslim man and throwing coffee in his face earlier this month.

The woman’s hate crime was to say the following to the man before tossing coffee in his face:

The people you tortured, they’re going to spend eternity in heaven. You are very deceived by Satan. Your mind has been taken over”€”brainwashed”€”and you have nothing but hate. Nothing but hate.

So she is being charged with a hate crime for accusing a man of being hate-filled. Regarding their employee’s case, a highly tolerant spokesperson for the California Department of Corrections warned that “discrimination of any kind will not be tolerated.”

A Connecticut man has been charged with intentionally damaging religious property with a dangerous weapon after bullet holes were found in a mosque situated near his backyard. A police search of the man’s house reportedly uncovered 1,000 rounds of ammunition and “paraphernalia related to the Hells Angels motorcycle gang.” The accused, 48-year-old Ted Hakey, claims he’d merely been drunkenly firing off his gun in his backyard and did not intend to hit the mosque. An FBI agent said, “This arrest should serve as a clear message that crimes of hate against individuals of any race, creed, gender or religious background will not be tolerated.”

In the breathtakingly scenic town of Secaucus, NJ, two middle-aged men have been charged with bias intimidation and harassment after an alleged incident where they told a hijab-wearing Muslim that she was a terrorist who should eat some pork and get the hell out of the country.

Down in the irredeemable state of Florida, 27-year-old Joshua Warren Killets possibly faces life imprisonment for an incident in which he allegedly burglarized The Islamic Center of Palm Beach.

In Palm Springs, CA”€”Sonny Bono once lived there”€”a 23-year-old man faces arson, burglary, and hate-crime charges for allegedly setting a small fire in a mosque’s front lobby.

There sure is a whole lotta hate out there! The trick is to keep reminding yourself that it’s never proper to hate certain groups of people, no matter how much they may hate you.

In reaction to all this Muzzie-bashing, 93-year-old TV legend Norman Lear“€”who probably tilted American popular culture toward the left more than any other individual in the 1970s”€”has announced that he is launching an initiative to combat Donald Trump’s purported “hate speech and anti-Muslim rhetoric….I see Donald Trump only as the middle finger of the American right hand.”€

The middle finger of the American right hand. That’s exactly what Donald Trump is. And it’s exactly why his supporters love him.

STUDY: YOUNG WHITE MEN “€˜MOST DERIDED GROUP IN BRITAIN”€™
A new YouGov study finds that white men “are the most derided group in Britain”:

Data from 48 separate surveys reveals that young white men are seen as the worst ethnic, gender or age group on five negative traits, and the second-worst on five positive traits. The people we regard as the laziest, rudest, most promiscuous, drunken drug-takers are white men in their 20s.

In standardized high-school tests in the Australian state of New South Wales, the “young white male has lost his advantage” to women and Asians.

FACEBOOK, TWITTER, & GOOGLE TEAM UP WITH GERMANY TO SILENCE GERMANS
Last Tuesday, Germany’s Justice Ministry announced that it was partnering with tech giants Facebook, Twitter, and Google to delete all comments that get flagged as “hate speech” within 24 hours of some dutiful little German social justice warrior informing authorities that someone made a hateful comment. The agreement effectively bans all criticism by native Germans of both immigrants and the German government’s immigration policies.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg recently said nice things about Muslims, while Google CEO Eric Schmidt says he is helping to develop a universal hate-speech “spell-check” system that will automatically detect hate speech and delete it.