#RESISTANCE

Progressively Sicker

June 19, 2017

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Progressively Sicker

The Resistance has opened fire, and it appears to have very poor aim.

Last Wednesday a fat white perpetually disgruntled 66-year-old Midwestern Bernie Bro 99%er fired roughly fifty bullets at around 20 Republican politicians and their assistants on a flat baseball field. He only managed to injure five, none of them fatally.

It wasn’t until two U.S. Capitol Police—both of them black, one of whom is a lesbian, if such things matter to you—arrived and returned fire that the chubby hard-leftist would-be spree killer was felled like an aimless rhino and a much larger massacre was averted. (Both officers were injured in the exchange, and President Donald Trump, because he’s a racist, thanked them for their courage.)

So what do we know about would-be assassin James Hodgkinson other than the fact that he is now dead in addition to being fat?

“He was a bit of a misanthrope,” his former attorney Lyndon Evanko told the Chicago Tribune. “He came across as a very irascible, angry little man, but not somebody I would expect to do something like this.”

Of course not. They never expect them to do something like this.

“The Resistance has opened fire, and it appears to have very poor aim.”

According to the Daily Beast, Hodgkinson was a “brutal foster father” whose “first foster daughter committed suicide by lighting herself on fire” after pouring gasoline on herself. Hodgkinson was arrested in 2006 for allegedly aiming a shotgun at a boyfriend of his subsequent foster daughter. As recently as this March, a neighbor complained to authorities that Hodgkinson was standing outside wantonly firing his rifle at trees.

Sometime this spring, Hodgkinson packed his belongings into a bag, put the bag in his white van, said goodbye to his wife of many years, and drove to Washington, DC. He’d allegedly mumbled something to his wife about how he intended to “change the tax brackets” in DC.

In our nation’s capital, Hodgkinson lived out of his van and showered at a nearby YMCA, at some point deciding that the only way to fix the nation’s unfair tax brackets would be to massacre a group of GOP lawmakers as they practiced in Alexandria, VA for a charity baseball game.

Early Wednesday morning, after confirming with a passerby that the field was indeed full of Republicans and nothing but Republicans, he began waddling around and aimlessly spraying lead at his dreaded monstrous and subhuman GOP enemies for ten minutes until the Capitol Police shot the life out of him. A search of his cadaver revealed a list of six GOP congressmen he intended to assassinate.

Hodgkinson most seriously wounded Congressman Steve Scalise of Louisiana, the No. 3 Republican in the House of Representatives. One of Hodgkinson’s bullet’s tore through Scalise’s left hip, shattering bones, damaging organs, and leading to severe internal bleeding. (As of this writing, Scalise’s condition has been upgraded from “critical” to “serious.”)

Scanning Hodgkinson’s social media posts, a picture emerges of a man who apparently blamed the rich for the fact that he hadn’t become wealthier as someone who made a living inspecting houses for mold. A review of the letters he’d obsessively send to the News-Democrat in Belleville, IL from 2008 to 2012 reveals a man who’d read the book Aftershock by the demon dwarf Robert Reich and as a result had concluded that all of society’s moral and economic problems—as well as his presumed legions of personal demons—would evaporate overnight if the government were to tax the ever-living fuck out of the rich. Highlights of those letters include:

One of my favorite TV shows is “The Rachel Maddow Show” on MSNBC….There’s a new version of what GOP stands for. It’s not the Grand Old Party anymore. It’s the Greedy One Percenters….If the rich paid their fair share of taxes today, we wouldn’t be in this predicament. We need to vote all Republicans out of Congress….God bless the 99 percent….Long live Bernie Sanders….I wish everyone could see how by changing the tax code, more than 95 percent of this country’s problems could be solved.

Hodgkinson was filmed by TV reporters in 2011 at an Occupy Wall Street rally yabbering about how the 1% were pushing the 99% around and how fed-up and ornery this made him feel. On his Facebook page, he “liked” the Southern Poverty Law Center, Media Matters, and MoveOn.org. He belonged to Facebook groups such as “The Road to Hell Is Paved With Republicans,” “Terminate The Republican Party,” and “Donald Trump is not my President.” On March 22, he posted on Facebook that “Trump is a Traitor. Trump Has Destroyed Our Democracy. It’s Time to Destroy Trump & Co.”


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