Healthcare

Keep Your Ovaries Out of Our Wallets

March 05, 2012

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Keep Your Ovaries Out of Our Wallets

The wombs of America’s women are in the spotlight once again.

At a mock hearing arranged by DC Democrats in February, a lantern-jawed 30-year-old law student named Sandra Fluke (pronounced “Fluck”) predicted a looming Ovarian Holocaust among her sob sisters at school because the Catholic college’s healthcare plan did not include free contraception:

Forty percent of the female students at Georgetown Law reported to us that they struggled financially as a result of this policy….Without insurance coverage, contraception, as you know, can cost a woman over $3,000 during law school.

With the flinty resoluteness of a young Sam Waterston, Miss Fluke told the committee that $3,000 could suck up a student’s entire summer wages, which I suppose is true if you work at Burger King.

Fluke’s lips flapped about women’s emotions, about women’s needs, and how women were suffering and terrified and resentful because of society’s “barriers” and “burdens.” She said women are not being “taken seriously”—you know, the typical women’s-activist stuff. Unless it was a joke, she seriously claimed that the university was cruelly forcing the Wombs of Georgetown to “pick between a quality education and our health.”

She spoke of how a female friend—a gay one, naturally—had ovarian cysts that required birth-control medicine, but she also let it slip that even her Jesuit college’s healthcare plan covered such prescriptions in cases of medical necessity—as do most healthcare plans. Fluke claimed her Sapphic fellow traveler is “struggling to pay for her medication” and may even lose an ovary or die of cancer unless the feds pry open the Catholic Church’s doors with a tire iron and force them to tolerate contraceptive methods that go against their beliefs.

“Look around you. Obviously there is far too little contraception in the world.”

At the end of her speech, the Democrats all applauded just as the 8GB thumb drives planted in the back of their necks told them to do.

Last Wednesday, gaseous radio personality Rush Limbaugh called her a slut (It could have been worse. He could have said, “Fluke you!”):

What does it say about the college coed Sandra Fluke, who goes before a Congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception.

I’ve always found Limbaugh to reek of discount salami, but I’ve also felt that way about other political commentators who call women sluts. But is it really such a ghastly word? Weren’t the swinging mammaries of radical feminism in the midst of “reclaiming” it, anyway?

On Thursday the adipose cigar-fellating radio host, former prescription-pill addict, and onetime suspected Viagra smuggler upped the “ewww” factor a hundred notches:

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

Yeah, gals, he’s a creep. We don’t agree on much, but that oily butterball’s one icky fella.

But that’s not to say that your hyperbolic backlash wasn’t equally repulsive.

The alarm bell was quickly sounded to waken the nation’s sleeping prog-crickets to Stand With Sandra Fluke because Rush Limbaugh was “attacking all women” and wanted the government to pull out of their vaginas. A professor of Women’s Studies at the University of Wisconsin said Limbaugh’s hate-soaked words were “a method for exerting power and control over women.” An assistant professor of Gender Studies at Texas A&M said Limbaugh’s comments represented “a form of sexual violence.” As her supporters proceeded to call Limbaugh a bald fat angry sterile impotent old white pig who needed to die, Fluke said that his comments were “outside the bounds of civil discourse.” Limbaugh was repeatedly accused of “bullying,” since that seems to be the hot word inside the Beltway these days. Fluke insisted that she and the Traveling Sisterhood of Birth Control Users would not be silenced, as if Limbaugh had tried to shush them in the first place rather than giving them tons of free publicity. Even our president wrapped one of his giant ears around a phone receiver and called Ms. Fluke to console her and the rest of America’s weeping wombs.


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