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Billionaires, Bimbos, and the Black Brady Bunch

June 13, 2012

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Billionaires, Bimbos, and the Black Brady Bunch

London’s big scandal this past week involves a rapper, a Rothschild, and a handsome son of the late businessman James Goldsmith. The British tabloids have been going bananas because record producer Kate Rothschild (from the billionaire banking family) has been cuckolding her husband Ben (from the billionaire Goldsmith dynasty) with one of her clients, a New Orleans rapper. As the couple’s nine-year marriage broke down, they took to Twitter to vent their frustrations, then quickly stopped after considering that they have three small children and aren’t rappers themselves. 

The couple is awfully young to be having such grown-up problems. She is 29 and he is 31, though age doesn’t seem to stop any of the Goldsmiths from divorcing before 35. Ben’s brother Zac and his sister Jemima both married right out of college, produced multiple children, then split from their spouses before taking up with other high-profile individuals. Jemima famously dated Hugh Grant, and Zac left his wife Sheherazade Bentley for Alice Rothschild, Kate’s sister.

“They took to Twitter to vent their frustrations, then quickly stopped after considering that they have three small children and aren’t rappers themselves.”

While a union between rich dynastic families such as the Rothschilds and the Goldsmiths appears perfect on paper, marriage is altogether another reality, one which these kids are not necessarily equipped to handle considering their family histories. James Goldsmith had children with four different women. Kate’s father Amschel Rothschild committed suicide when Kate was only 14. Amid all the rumors surrounding these high-flyers, one can’t help but wonder what drew Kate Rothschild to a black rapper. Well, apparently Jay Electronica, AKA Timothy Thedford, isn’t your average gangsta rapper. Thedford went to a Catholic school in New Orleans and lived in an affluent and mostly white neighborhood. He must be quite something. Who knew a Jewish princess could find solace outside her circle? But then again, the English upper classes are not exactly comme il faut when it comes to feeding their vices.

Across the pond in the United States of Big Brother, the Vixen of Vice Lindsay Lohan is still behind the wheel and smashing into things, this time on the Pacific Coast Highway. The accident-prone actress can’t seem to stay out of the papers despite her best efforts to abide by the law. After she crashed her Porsche into a truck, the little ginger from Long Island supposedly lied to police and said her assistant had been driving. Was she under the influence? It doesn’t seem she was, but since the assistant told police Lohan was the one driving, Lindsay may need a drink to handle the hot water. Accidents happen. Why panic? She might not have needed to lie. But now she’s in another mess and is in danger of breaking probation and facing more time in jail. I will never understand why Lohan and so many stars and “celebutards” such as Amanda Bynes, Britney Spears, Nicole Richie, and Paris Hilton don’t have drivers. They are forever getting into accidents and being busted for driving under the influence. I guess they are as dumb as they look.