The Week's Most Bent, Spent, and Given-Up-For-Lent Headlines  BROWNIE V. BOARD OF EDUCATION The final week of Black History Month is upon us, and peanut butter ...

The Week’s Most Spaying, Slaying, and Presidents’-Daying Headlines I GOT YOU, BOOB California’s 31-year “year of the woman” is finally coming to an end (that was one ...

The Week’s Most Narrowing, Harrowing, and Cupid’s Arrowing Headlines UP, UP, AND HUAWEI IN MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON The Chinese just can’t help stealing intellectual ...

The Week’s Rootinist, Tootinist, and Shootinist Headlines THE JOY GLOCK CLUB Tiger mom? Meet Luger gramps. Old Asian men are so over the stereotype of the wise elderly ...

The Week’s Most Swarming, Norming, and Storming Headlines THE FINAL SOIL-UTION It’s a popular meme: A wolf, spying a bunch of hunter-gatherers, muses, “Maybe I’ll ...

The Week’s Most Creamy, Steamy, and I-Have-a-Dreamy Headlines SHRIMP ON THE KLAUS BARBIE In this week’s edition of “you can’t win fer losin’,” Australian whites tried ...

The Week’s Most Evolving, Absolving, and New Year’s Resolving Headlines KAREN-EYES CODY “Iron-Eyes Cody,” one of the most successful Native American actors in American ...

The Week’s Most Cheering, Jeering, and Happy New Yearing Headlines SLAP UNHAPPY Poor Will Smith, doomed to a career bookended by plaintively wailing, “How come they don’t ...

The Week’s Most Snowing, Glowing, and Ho-Ho-Ho-ing Headlines THE TRAGICALLY HIPPO Christmas carols in Africa have their own unique flavor: I want a hippopotamus for ...

The Week’s Most Tingling, Mingling, and Kris Kringling Headlines DODDER KNOWS BEST Wearing his finest Christmas sweater, Joe Biden sits in his comfy recliner by a roaring ...

The Week’s Most Hopping, Bopping, and Christmas-Shopping Headlines REFRIED BEAN There’s a reason Mexicans do the drywall and not the electrics. The Miss Sahuayo Pageant in ...

The Week’s Most Grandstanding, Rebranding, and Winter Wonderlanding Headlines DEAF COMEDY JAM Blackface, meet blackhand. Last month, the sign-language interpreter for ...

The Week’s Most Remembered, Dismembered, and Decembered Headlines WOE-PENING CEREMONIES A dictatorship where slavery is commonplace, homosexuality is illegal, and women are ...

The Week’s Most Romping, Stomping, and Turkey-Chomping Headlines UNKINDERTRANSPORT Not since the Holocaust or the Seinfeld finale have Jews had such a bad week. First, there ...

The Week’s Most Perming, Squirming, and Midterming Headlines GUNFIGHT AT THE O.G. CORRAL In The Little Mermaid, Hans Christian Andersen described Ariel as “white,” with ...

The Week’s Most Glowering, Empowering, and Gain-an-Houring Headlines COUNTING (JIM) CROWS Orwell was a genius. Prescient, prophetic, a visionary. Well, in everything but title ...