The Week’s Most Coercive, Discursive, and Subversive Headlines STUDENTS MARCH ON D.C., DEMANDING GOVERNMENT KEEP ITS OWN GUNS AND TAKE EVERYONE ELSE’S On Saturday in ...

The Week’s Muddiest, Cruddiest, and Bloodiest Headlines HILLARY CLINTON: STILL FALLING, STILL CAN’T GET UP As everyone who isn’t an incorrigible, woman-hating, ...

The Week’s Loopiest, Droopiest, and Poopiest Headlines REFUSING TO DISAVOW FARRAKHAN Born Louis Eugene Walcott 84 years ago in the Bronx, the man known and beloved by millions ...

The Week’s Thickest, Slickest, and Sickest Headlines SOUTH AFRICA TO WHITE FARMERS: SHUT UP AND GIVE US YOUR LAND South Africa is a magical land of nonpareil beauty with ...

The Week’s Most Inveterate, Degenerate, and Confederate Headlines CONFEDERATE FLAG SPOTTED IN SEATTLE! The Pacific Northwest is an extremely white area of the USA that has ...

The Week’s Most Resistant, Persistent, and Inconsistent Headlines MINNESOTA SCHOOLS KILL “MOCKINGBIRD” If you—that’s right, YOU—living there in your institutionally ...

The Week’s Wispiest, Crispiest, and Lispiest Headlines TRUDEAU VS. MANKIND At the present moment Justin Trudeau is the prime minister of Canada, a frozen block of ice that ...

The Week’s Most Mental, Ungentle, and Judgmental Headlines RAPING ANN COULTER LIVE AND ON TELEVISION The main problem with modern TV crime dramas is that in their allegedly ...

The Week’s Most Clickable, Kickable, and Despicable Headlines MEATHEAD CALLS FOR SECOND CIVIL WAR Rob Reiner is a rotund and fundamentally charmless man who’d likely be a ...

The Week’s Most Cuckoo, Voodoo, and Taboo Headlines THE DEATH OF ITALY? The Roman Empire was perhaps the mightiest in world history—that is, until it became so overburdened ...

The Week’s Funkiest, Junkiest, and Monkeyist Headlines OPRAH FOR PRESIDENT! Oprah Winfrey is loved across the globe for being the fattest black female billionaire in world ...

The Week’s Most Illicit, Complicit, and Explicit Headlines PANCAKKKES OF HATRED Eating pancakes for breakfast is an American tradition—just like slavery and lynch ...

The Week’s Most Imperious, Unserious, and Deleterious Headlines BALTIMORE SETS A HOMICIDE RECORD IN 2017 It is becoming increasingly evident that the Black Lives Matter movement ...

The Week’s Most Boorish, Whorish, and Moorish Headlines NOT-SO-YOUNG TURDS If farts had a face, they would look like Cenk Uygur. The aging Turk’s name is pronounced “Chenk ...

The Week’s Most Deceptive, Perceptive, and Unreceptive Headlines ENTIRE FAMILY GOES TRANNY Seeing as how generous estimates claim that only six in every 1,000 Americans is ...

The Week’s Most Contrarian, Authoritarian, and Minoritarian Headlines DEAR WHITE PEOPLE: PLEASE STOP BEING SUCH STUPID JERKS, CONT. These days it seems like a white person ...