The Week’s Most Curious, Furious, and Spurious Headlines LAURA LOOMER CRIES SO HARD ABOUT HER SOCIAL-MEDIA BAN, HER NEW NOSE ALMOST FALLS OFF Whiny Alt-Lite yenta Laura ...

The Week’s Most Dissipated, Obliterated, and Eviscerated Headlines GEORGE WASHINGTON MURAL TRAUMATIZES STUDENTS Nonwhite children at George Washington High School in San ...

The Week’s Most Perverted, Diverted, and Disconcerted Headlines SPORTS TEAMS BAN KATE SMITH FOR “PICKANINNY” AND “DARKIES” SONGS Kate Smith was a fat white woman ...

The Week’s Most Defamatory, Inflammatory, and Confirmatory Headlines IS FRANCE BURNING? One needed the sentience of a rock to be able to ignore the deep symbolism behind the ...

The Week’s Stingiest, Mingiest, and Whingiest Headlines JULIAN ASSANGE ARRESTED Master hacker and exotic dancer Julian Assange has been holed up in London’s Ecuadorian ...

The Week’s Most Wheezing, Teasing, and Displeasing Headlines AMERICA LOSES ITS RELIGION According to the recently released General Social Survey, Americans who identify with ...

The Week’s Most Screwy, Gooey, and Jewy Headlines BLACK/GAY/JEWISH HATE-CRIME HOAXER WALKS FREE Just when you thought the arc of the moral universe was bending toward ...

The Week’s Most Grueling, Mewling, and Befooling Headlines TROUBLE AT THE POVERTY PALACE The Southern Poverty Law Center is misnamed for the following reasons: 1) ...

The Week’s Most Bathetic, Emetic, and Splenetic Headlines AS YOUNG AMERICANS EMBRACE SOCIALISM, BERNIE SANDERS WALKS INTO A GLASS SHOWER DOOR, REQUIRING STITCHES An ...

The Week’s Most Divided, Misguided, and Lopsided Headlines BIDEN’S PAST BITES HIM IN THE ASS Joe Biden is an unnecessary politician from an unnecessary place named ...

The Week’s Sleepiest, Weepiest, and Creepiest Headlines TAKE AMERICA’S HATS AGAIN In a national epidemic of “soft lynching” that seems designed to degrade and ...

The Week’s Most Surly, Squirrely, and Girly Headlines COVINGTON KID SUES WASHINGTON POST FOR $250 MILLION Until it was buried under the avalanche of publicity surrounding ...

The Week’s Toniest, Stoniest, and Phoniest Headlines TRUMP SIGNS IMMIGRATION BILL, THEN ROLLS IT UP AND STABS SUPPORTERS IN THE BACK WITH IT The main promise of Donald ...

The Week’s Most Autistic, Fascistic, and Onanistic Headlines LIAM NEESON’S RACIAL RAPE REVENGE FANTASY Irish-born actor Liam Neeson is famous for saving Jews in ...

The Week’s Most Unsuited, Disputed, and Polluted Headlines VIRGINIA GOVERNOR RALPH “COONMAN” NORTHAM REFUSES TO RESIGN Before launching a successful campaign for ...

The Week’s Most Conceited, Defeated, and Maltreated Headlines CALIFORNIA AQUARIUM SHAMED FOR FAT-SHAMING AN OTTER If your personal struggle to achieve social justice ...