The Week’s Most Solid, Stolid, and Squalid Headlines JACK GETS HACKED: TWITTER CEO’S ACCOUNT PRAISES HITLER, DROPS N-BOMB Jack Dorsey is the CEO of the well-past-its-prime ...

The Week’s Most Unnecessary, Involuntary, and Unsanitary Headlines TUCKER CARLSON’S RATINGS REMAIN STRONG AFTER HE CALLED WHITE SUPREMACY A “HOAX” Tucker Carlson is the ...

The Week’s Most Hedonic, Demonic, and Sardonic Headlines NEW YORK TIMES ANNOUNCES SWITCH OF EDITORIAL FOCUS FROM RUSSIAN COLLUSION HOAX TO WHITE SUPREMACY HOAX We’re not even ...

The Week’s Sweatiest, Pettiest, and Readiest Headlines WHY CHRIS CUOMO NEEDS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS NAME TO “FREDO” In perhaps what is the most significant event for the ...

The Week’s Most Imbecilic, Coprophilic, and Pedophilic Headlines BOY SCOUTS: A NEST OF PEDOS? The Boy Scouts of America are involved in a decades-long attempt to conceal a ...

The Week’s Sickest, Slickest, and Thickest Headlines SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH JEFFREY EPSTEIN WANTS TO SEED THE PLANET WITH HIS JIZZ According to songwriter Burt Bacharach, what the ...

The Week’s Most Addictive, Constrictive, and Vindictive Headlines FEMALE POLITICIAN’S HATE-CRIME HOAX UNRAVELS QUICKER THAN SHE CAN SCREAM, “RACIST!!!” Erica Thomas is an ...

The Week’s Most Quixotic, Sclerotic, and Unpatriotic Headlines FACEBOOK BANS VIOLENT THREATS UNLESS THE TARGET IS “DANGEROUS” Because violence isn’t violence so long as ...

The Week’s Most Chancrous, Rancorous, and Cantankerous Headlines BETSY ROSS DOES NOT REFLECT AMERICA’S VALUES When he isn’t failing as a professional quarterback, the ...

The Week’s Most Foolish, Ghoulish, and Mulish Headlines PUTIN SAYS LIBERALISM IS OBSOLETE There is absolutely no debate that Vladimir Putin is one of the world’s sexiest men, ...

The Week’s Faggiest, Saggiest, and Naggiest Headlines OH, PLEASE, NOT THIS “REPARATIONS” NONSENSE AGAIN! Since the word “reparations” is derived from the word ...

The Week’s Most Retarded, Discarded, and Disregarded Headlines OPPRESSION THROUGH DODGEBALL, REDEMPTION THROUGH YOGA It’s highly likely that you are entirely unaware that ...

The Week’s Most Acidic, Hasidic, and Druidic Headlines NEW YORK STATE GIVES FREE VIAGRA TO SEX OFFENDERS If you are a convicted rapist living in New York State who’s ...

The Week’s Wormiest, Germiest, and Spermiest Headlines JOHN CLEESE SAYS LONDON IS NO LONGER AN ENGLISH CITY Like everyone who states the obvious these days, Monty Python ...

The Week’s Most Busted, Disgusted, and Maladjusted Headlines PICKUP ARTIST SWALLOWS THE “GOD PILL” Daryush Valizadeh—don’t ask us to pronounce it, because we ...

The Week’s Most Global, Immobile, and Ignoble Headlines YOUTUBE’S 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL COMEDIC GENIUS TAUNTS YOUTUBE EXEC If BuzzFeed’s supremely wormy Joseph Bernstein ...