The Week’s Crustiest, Rustiest, and Mustiest Headlines ROBERT DE NIRO EXPRESSES WEIRD SCATOLOGICAL SEXUAL FANTASY ABOUT DONALD TRUMP Robert De Niro is a formerly great actor ...

They started screaming about miscounted votes, but when the votes were recounted, he had still ...

The company’s net value is around $30 billion, so naturally they identify with the struggles of the ...

Because it’s 2019, people are naturally looking for ways to depict Santa and his elves as Hitler and the ...

Even though she apparently lacks even a droplet of charisma, Miz Ara was slated to give a speech about, oh, vaginas and art or something at Oxford Brookes University until some ...

They must be making some Grade-A meth up there in South Dakota these ...

A new promotional video by the state’s security agency depicts atheism, homosexuality, and feminism as “extremist ideas” that deserve derision, scorn, shunning, humiliation, ...

Is this the dawn of a murderous turf war between Mexican drug cartels and polyamorous heretic Mormons? Grab the ...

Nineteen million dollars is quite a pretty penny for being called a fag. Hell, for a mere thousand semolians, we’ll do the best Rip Taylor impression you’ve ever ...

These people aren’t going to stop until something bad happens, are ...

If you live in Canada, you have our ...

The Week’s Swankest, Rankest, and Blankest Headlines IT’S OFFICIAL: THE CHINKS RULE AMERICA The NBA is composed of about 450 extremely tall men, most of them black—not that ...

The Week’s Sleaziest, Cheesiest, and Queasiest Headlines BERNIE SANDERS FINALLY BLOWS A GASKET It has long been an established fact that not only is Bernie Sanders the angriest ...

The Week’s Most Shocking, Rocking, and Cock-Blocking Headlines BLACK-POWER-FIST-RAISING OLYMPIC ATHLETES FINALLY ADMITTED INTO HALL OF FAME One of the most iconic—don’t you ...

The Week’s Pearliest, Whirliest, and Churliest Headlines NEW YORK TIMES: SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NO BIG DEAL
In a move that will shock and traumatize those who have been victimized ...

The Week’s Most Accidental, Detrimental, and Unsentimental Headlines LESBIAN PENGUINS IN LONDON ACCUSED OF RAISING A GENDER-NEUTRAL CHICK As we all know—under threat of death ...